Grant “Ginga Ninja” McClendon –

Your Local Kickball Prez

Oh.. hey there you sexy beast of a Kickballer.. Didn’t see you there.  You must have snuck up on me using your creeper/ stalker/ shmooztastic skills.  I’d like to sit here and judge you for being such a freak, but I know that kickball has taught you all of these attributes.  And now, all of the sudden, I feel a warm flow of pride flowing in my veins.

Has is been a good season?  Having a good time?  Ready to rock faces in the playoffs?  Of course you have and of course you are… you’re a damn sexy beast.

Welcome to the first week of playoffs.  You should all pat yourselves on the back because you have literally done nothing to get here.  Everyone makes the playoffs.  Some would argue that everyone making the playoffs is a legitimate proof against Darwinism. They’d go on to say that you teams with lesser records should have vanished years ago because you have smaller beaks than the other Kickballers (holy crap I’m smart).  Others would simply say that we like to be nice and give everyone a chance.  Believe what you will… Either way, you’re here.

I’d like to give you some sort of wisdom but I’m pretty sure I’m out of that.  Thus.. How about a rant?  You guys like rants right?

Let’s talk about the song “Winter Wonderland,” shall we?

1.    There was a blue bird, now there’s a new bird, he sings a love song.  I don’t care about this.  Why are they telling me this?  I hate this.

2.    Ok.  I like snowman’s.  Let’s build one.  Let’s see.  There is a WHOLE UNIVERSE of things to name him.  Oh! Oh! I got it!  Let’s name him Parson Brown!   Yes!!!  A traveling minister with the most boring last name in the world is perfect for this soon to be talking and dancing snow creation!!  Dumb.

3.    Snowman’s first words:  Are you married?  I hate you, songwriter.  It helps to know that Parsons would one-time marry peeps who didn’t have their own pastor.  But I would have much rather liked him to say:  “HOLY HELL!  I have no vocal cords, much less organs, and I’m speaking!!”  I mean, a boy can dream, right??

4.    Next their going to pretend this stupid snow creation (wow, I used to really like snowmen) is a circus clown.  If there is one thing in this world I hate it is circus clowns.  They are assholes.  Why would you ruin your jolly times by inviting an asshole to the party??

5.    “We’ll frolic and play, the Eskimo way?”  That’s just racist.  I wont’ stand for it.

WAKA CHARITY UPDATE

So give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me. Give a little bit, give a little bit of my life for you.
Now’s the time we need to share, so send a smile, we’re on our way back home…
I may not be a fan of the Goo Goo Dolls but I am a fan of giving. (Not in that way, pervs.)
This season we have raised $880 for charity, WOOHOO! Thanks so much for everyone who bought jello shots and participated in the auction.

THIS WEEK: PLEASE BRING WINTER ACCESSORIES!!! (scarves, hats, gloves, etc)
Two in the Pink will be collecting them stating at 6:30 and should be on the fields all night.
You know where to find them – look for the tie-dye and ridiculous debauchery.

Any questions about this, contact Megan Lundquist – meganlundquist@gmail.com.

Just remember – you have to give to receive.

80s PROM

“The bigger the hair, the closer to Jesus.”     A lot of ladies took this advice to heart this past Friday and boy, we couldn’t have been any more proud.
I’ve never seen so much neon polyester! Plus, those dance moves were off the chart,
I’m sure the fact that we floated five kegs had only a little to do with it.

Thanks to everyone who made it out for the party!
Special shout out to the board members for all of their hard work putting this totally RAD party together!

To see photos from the event, click here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/fundylundy/DEC0409?feat=directlink

or visit us on facebok at:
http://www.facebook.com/groups.php?ref=sb#/group.php?gid=62333569622

Until next time…

Off like panties at prom,
The Party Committee

Liver Let Die

“We tied Relax, Nuff’ Said.”

SIT ON MY BASE

MEMO
FROM: Sit On My Base, LLC
TO: All Kickball Competitors, Pretenders to the Throne
SUBJECT: We Are Back and We Are All About Climbing Way Up Your Ass and Staying There

Body as follows:

For those of you who missed the company meeting this last Thursday, there were many important developments – a summary of which will be presented here.

First and foremost, Sit On My Base, LLC proved beyond a doubt that it is a dynamic organization capable of thriving in today’s hostile marketplace.  SOMB LLC demonstrated lethal business acumen and a take-no-prisoners attitude towards its competitors.  Having lulled them into complacency with its mediocre sales record, SOMB LLC viciously acquired We’ve Got the Runs, Inc in a 16-2 merger.

Major players in the transaction include: Jon Wagner, Senior Vice President of Ultimate Destruction, who was singlehandedly responsible for a seven-point stock raise, and woman executive Kim Pinion who shattered the glass ceiling with her iron kicking leg and outstanding outfielding.  In fact, point contributions were made by the entire staff, with the exception of team CEO Minnie Nguyen, who is apparently shorting her own stock.

Thursday’s win has analysts rushing to reclassify SOMB LLC, formerly regarded as a mid-level company with dwindling prospects, as a possible dark horse in the upcoming business season tournament.  To further their new sleek, aggressive image, SOMB LLC has changed their official slogan from “Beer First, Business Later” to “We Met With a Realtor Last Week To Discuss Purchasing Property Way Up In Your Ass, and We’re Not Leaving In Fact We May Even Build Some Condos Up In There.”  So watch out, everybody.  Our prospectus is DEATH.

Sit On My Base, LLC

TWO IN THE PINK

Look at our team
Isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think our year’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think we’re the team
The team who has EVERYTHING?

Look at this shocker
Adventures untold
How many wonders can one WAKA team hold?
Looking around the fields you think
Sure, they’ve got everything.

We’ve got pinatas and flashmobs a-plenty,
We’ve got capes and keg stands galore,
You want jello shot syringes?
We’ve got twenty!
But we care, no big deal, we want moreeeeeeee.

We wanna be where everyone else parties this hard
We wanna see, wanna see you dancin’
Walking around on those – what do you call em?
Oh – kleets.

Flippin’ your gums you don’t get too far
Courage is required for jumping, dancing
Singing along at the -whats that word again?
Egooooo’s

Up where we booze, up were we dance
Up where we play every day havin’ fun
Wanderin’ free – wish you would be
Part of our worldddddd.

THE TYRANNICAL TEABAGGERS

The Teabagger’s did not play last week, but because Megan Lundquist would be a Sad Panda on the Island of Misfit Mascots if we did not have an entry in the GMOT, I decided to make a list of things we did instead of play kickball last Thursday.

1.       We held a benefit concert for dogs with epilepsy… go ahead and send a donation to save a shaky Dalmatian.
2.       We had an awkward moment… just to see how it felt.
3.       We isolated that gene that causes Ginger-vitis and are testing the cure on Grant.
4.       We found Carmen Sandiego.

We would try to emulate other teams, but we decided we would rather live vicariously through ourselves.   See you all on Thursday for playoff mayhem.

WELL HUNG OVER

PREZ WRITE UP.

What?  What is this?  Oh ya… I remember this… THE GMOT!!  We’ve all been slacking big time this season with the GMOT.  It’s usually a cesspool full of debauchery, bitching, trash talking, and pictures that would make your family disown you.  I guess Fall 09 is the season for trying to make your family actually respect you.  Good luck with that I guess… Mine gave up a long time ago.  Got a dog…

Since President’s are all into giving “WAR PLANS” and what not these days I thought I’d give you my war plan for the holidays.  Thanksgiving doesn’t count.  Only plan is to eat as much as you can till you fall asleep napping and drool all over your dear grandmother’s new cashmere pant suit.  Why are you so close to your grandma while napping?  That’s your issue… (or is it mine?)  I’m confused… as always…

YO HOLIDAYS, YOU’RE MY BITCH:  A PLAN

1. Everyone knows that the holidays are really just a chance for you to get together with people you probably wouldn’t be friends with and then convince them that your specific life choices have lead you to be a great and successful person.  Try to show them your potential and display your accolades.  My plan starts by throwing in the towel before you even show up.  Admit that you have it all wrong and have nothing to show for it.  This way they can lavish attention on you and tell you that you really are great.  Who care’s if they’re lying… it will feel good for at least 20 minutes.  So worth it.

2. Now that you’ve set the bar low.  Talk about a charitable thing you did.  Now, not only do you have a newfound sense of potential, but you also deserve good things to happen to you.  If you’re looking for something to talk about.  Talk about all the $1.00 donations that you have made this season to the kiddos of Austin.  Those jello death bombs are for a good cause.  Doesn’t it feel good to give back?

3. Punch a Family member.  It’s time to throw all that hard earned good graces and toss it out the window.  No holiday is complete without a complete meltdown.  Go to the eggnog dish, take out your flask and spike it right then and there in front of everyone.  Everyone likes a party.

Merry (insert whatever you would like here), everyone.   Good luck in the playoffs.

Standing under the mistletoe,

Grant “mistletoe never works and only gets me slapped” McClendon

*** REMINDER*** 80s & SADIE’s is tomorrow night. Be there.
http://anyvite.com/events/home/wdlcwftg8z

2010 WAKA Men’s Calendar

Debuts week of Dec. 15th!!!!

Check out the 2009 WAKA Women’s Bikini Calendar

http://2009wakaaustincalendar.wordpress.com/

to order your calendar contact Minnie @:

minnie@minniemingle.com

PREZ WRITE UP.

 

What?  What is this?  Oh ya… I remember this… THE GMOT!!  We’ve all been slacking big time this season with the GMOT.  It’s usually a cesspool full of debauchery, bitching, trash talking, and pictures that would make your family disown you.  I guess Fall 09 is the season for trying to make your family actually respect you.  Good luck with that I guess… Mine gave up a long time ago.  Got a dog…

 

Since President’s are all into giving “WAR PLANS” and what not these days I thought I’d give you my war plan for the holidays.  Thanksgiving doesn’t count.  Only plan is to eat as much as you can till you fall asleep napping and drool all over your dear grandmother’s new cashmere pant suit.  Why are you so close to your grandma while napping?  That’s your issue… (or is it mine?)  I’m confused… as always…

 

YO HOLIDAYS, YOU’RE MY BITCH:  A PLAN

 

1.

 

Everyone knows that the holidays are really just a chance for you to get together with people you probably wouldn’t be friends with and then convince them that your specific life choices have lead you to be a great and successful person.  Try to show them your potential and display your accolades.  My plan starts by throwing in the towel before you even show up.  Admit that you have it all wrong and have nothing to show for it.  This way they can lavish attention on you and tell you that you really are great.  Who care’s if they’re lying… it will feel good for at least 20 minutes.  So worth it.

 

2.

 

Now that you’ve set the bar low.  Talk about a charitable thing you did.  Now, not only do you have a newfound sense of potential, but you also deserve good things to happen to you.  If you’re looking for something to talk about.  Talk about all the $1.00 donations that you have made this season to the kiddos of Austin.  Those jello death bombs are for a good cause.  Doesn’t it feel good to give back?

 

3.

 

Punch a Family member.  It’s time to throw all that hard earned good graces and toss it out the window.  No holiday is complete without a complete meltdown.  Go to the eggnog dish, take out your flask and spike it right then and there in front of everyone.  Everyone likes a party.

 

Merry (insert whatever you would like here), everyone.   Good luck in the playoffs.

 

Standing under the mistletoe,

 

Grant “mistletoe never works and only gets me slapped” McClendon

 

 

WAKA WINTER PROM: 80s & SADIES

80s Prom Guide:

Let’s be honest, all you REALLY need for an 80′s prom dress is a leotard, some tulle and bright colored accessories. However if you’re looking for something special, you have come to the right place. From hairdos and hair bands to inspirational movies to where in the heck do I find some of this awesome, the prom committee is here for you.

• Thrift Town - 5700 Manchaca Rd, Austin, TX 78745-3635
• Thrift Land - 512 W Stassney Ln, Austin, TX 78745-3155
• Millions of Goodwills http://locator.goodwill.org/
• Millions of Salvation Armies www.salvationarmyusa.org
• New Bohemia - 1606 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704-3522
• St. Vincent’s thrift store - 1327 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704-2432
• Savers - 4001 S Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX   78704 AND  5222 Burnet Rd #600, Austin, TX   78756
• Top Drawer Thrift - 4902 Burnet Rd, Austin, TX
• Buffalo Exchange - 2904 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX‎
• Lucy in Disguise - 1506 Congress Ave S, Austin, TX‎
• Room Service Vintage - 107 W North Loop Blvd, Austin, Tx
• Cream Vintage - 2532 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX‎ AND 2210 S. 1st
• Feathers - 1700 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX

http://anyvite.com/wdlcwftg8z
(VIEW PROM E-VITE)

The theme is 80s and Sadie’s but that’s just for fun. If you want to go with a gaggle of girlfriends, as a team, as a threesome, as a octet… we love that just as much. Because, let’s face it, that’s actually more representative of what happened in our high school dance lives than having a date.

Off like panties at prom,

The Prom Committee

A Dudes Guide to the 80’s Prom:

GUIDE TO 80s MUSIC:

• 1. Whitesnake: “Here I Go Again”
• 2. Motley Crue: “Wild Side”
• 3. Poison: “Nothin But a Good Time”
• 4. Def Leppard: “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
• 5. Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the Jungle”…basically the entire ‘Appetite for Destruction’ album
• 6. Skid Row ( who didn’t have a crush on Sebastian Bach?): “Here I Am”
• 7. KISS: any and all of their glory
• 8. Motley Crue: “Dr. Feelgood”
• 9. Quiet Riot: “Cum on Feel the Noise”
• 10.  Tesla: “Love Song”
• 11. Van Halen: “Panama”
• 12. Warrant: “Cherry Pie”
• 13. Bon Jovi: “Livin’ on a Prayer’
• 14. Twisted Sister: “We’re Not Gonna Take It”… (Dee Snyder never does)

PITCH N MOAN

So normally we are a pretty low-keyed, laid back type of peeps , but this
week we felt the need and urge to come out a bit and express ourselves in a
GMOT kinda way.   The Pitches suffered another defeat last night at the
hands of Who’s on First.  Everything seemed in our favor, with Chris
scoring the only run in the game (Kudos to you).  All was well in the world
(birds chirping and little people high fiving each other in the background)
when out of the blue……(dark clouds emersing) the ref yells SAFE…..

It was all down hill from there
We’re just sayin..

Andy started off his thunder pitches with some swagga (too bouncy, ANDY!!).
A few beers and mystery drinks later, he began to see those little dudes
from the Wizard of Oz.  Maybe he was daydreaming or rehearsing his upcoming
part in a low budget Wizard of Oz play (FYI…….I do believe Snelson and
Oakley will be partaking also).  Whatever the case was (we don’t know and
are afraid to ask), His BALLS went wild.

To make matters worse, our fearless pitcher almost got his ass kicked by
what kinda looked like

A few balls were missed and mistakes were made, but overall it was an
interesting night.

Special shout out to our Kickball peeps who played some post game flip cup
with the Moaners!
Happy Drinking to All and to All a Good Night!!

We are Pitch N Moan Motha fuckas!

Relax and Let it Happen

*FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW, WE GAVE WALK-A-SHAME, CAPTAINED BY ANDRE, A 5 POINT LEAD AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME*

Andre, everyone wants you to be quiet, including Uncle Sam. He’s for free speech and all, but even he has his limits.

If you want to stay out of trouble, here are five things you don’t do:

1. You don’t go camping with Smokey the Bear and tell him how cool you think forest fires look.
2. You don’t go to prison and not expect to get your brown star played with.
3. You don’t slip a Slurpee crazy fast and not expect to get a brain freeze.
4. You don’t forget to courtesy flush when you’re droppin’ bombs over at your bf or gf’s house.
5. YOU DON’T TALK NOISE ABOUT RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN AND EXPECT TO GET AWAY WITH IT.

I used the caps to denote importance. Are you ever gonna go camping with Smokey? No, mostly because he’s not real. He’s a spokesbear, ok? Let’s get real. I just used numbers 1-4 to lead up to #5. We’re really good, especially when we’re playing our rules (5th in the Nation). Most of the time you see us playing, we’re joking around and having a good time. But, when we heard that there was a challenge, and that someone thought they actually had a chance to beat us, you get 100% from us. Which, unfortunately, is 100% better than every other team’s 100%. We did the math. And then David’s dick double checked it (that’s for you Joey).

We started the game down 5 runs, and we ended up winning 12-5. They came close to scoring, but our superior athletic abilities cut them down at home plate twice. I brag a lot, but believe me when I say I had one of the best games of my life. I also had two cool slides at home plate. They couldn’t handle Jay’s pitching and the overall team speed that we brought to the mesa. Whitney, Devon, Shannon, and Nicole proved that hot bitches can play some kickball. Shout out to Devon for her catch. BWALK!!! was back to his old ways…getting on base and quietly talking shit and saying inappropriate things that you feel bad for laughing at.

If you ever act like we’re not the 5th best team in the world, you will have no choice but to Relax and Let it Happen.

POWER POLLS

That’s right, they’re back. After a season off due to writer’s block, it’s time to unveil the latest Power Polls. Please bear in mind, these rankings are based on absolutely nothing besides the committee’s whims. You can win and move down or lose and move up. You’re whole team can make a giant scene and you’ll be that team made a giant scene. The only thing that IS certain is that if you don’t like your ranking, do something, anything, to change it. Without further ado, debuting at #1 is… wait, it’s a tie?

1. Tyrannical Teabaggers. Same number of votes as Relax, but they’ve given up fewer runs.

2. Relax and Let it Happen. They may be 5^th in the nation but they still haven’t beaten the Teabaggers.

3. 40 Bounces to Freedom. Still sore from losing the Live regular season in the final week, they’ve come out smoking.

4. Walk of Shame. It they could only score they’d be deadly. But 0-0 ties are fun, right?

5. We’ve got the Runs. As long as we keep seeing Wendell on TV, they remain relevant.

6. Kickopotamus X. Not sure if they are one of the best teams or one of the worst. Depends on which inning you watch them play.

7. Liver Let Die. They are the Texas Tech of Capital, they always seem to play 2^nd fiddle…

8. Weapons of Mass Consumption. Anyone remember when they were Sweat n’ Balls and everyone beat them? I sure don’t.

9. Born Again Virgins. They’re perverted. They have a rapper on their team. We like them.

10. Jorts on the Green. Commitment to the name. These guys wear Jorts. Every week. And they are looking good, I mean, uh, sexy?

11. Fireballs. Wicked defense, 6 runs allowed in 5 games.

12. Bazaar Voice Ballbusters. The alliteration alone advances them above all… Except the 11 teams in front of them.

13. Donkey Punch. Because that name makes me laugh too hard.

14. Whose on 1^{st. If a team Sits on my Base but no one was there to watch it, did it really happen?}

15. Sit on My Base. If they didn’t have a proven track record, they’d be much lower. Something tells me their winning ways will return though.

16. Where my Pitches at? Two words: Fannie Packs.

17. I’d Kick That. They can put up the runs (21, second in league) but they can’t stop anyone.

18. Dunder Siege II. Oh how we miss Elois. DUNDERRRR!!!

19. Two in the Pink. If this was the Drunken Power Polls they’d be the undisputed #1.

20. Red Rockets. We need to see Great Dane puppies by the end of the season.

21. Rubber Balls and Liquor. Their name is confusing. I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned.

22. Meet my Meat. Maybe it’s just a Technicality, but I think they’ll get on track.

23. Kick Tease. Several veterans of Smirkin Merkins didn’t bring the party with them. Amber and Tina, were y’all the party poopers?

24. Beerview Mirrors. A win’s a win, right? Love the traffic cone orange color.

25. Well Hungover. We can safely say there are no members of this team on our fantasy kickball squad.

26. Pitch and Moan. Flip cup prowess aside, you can’t forfeit a game.

^{TWO IN THE PINK}

· If Two in the pink does five keg stands and you do five keg stands, Two in the pink did more keg stands than you did. And looked better doing it.

· Even when the score says you win, Two in the Pink still wins.

· Two in the pink doesn’t go to parties, they are the party.

· Being drunk by a two in the pink-er is a beers favorite way to die

· Yes, 2 in the pink actually IS better than you.

· When 2 in the pink drinks, the whole world wins

· Two in the Pink doesn’t throw up if they drink too much. Two in the Pink throws down

· Two in the pink doesn’t drink people under the table, they drink and then hit them with a table for not keeping up

· If you Google search “Two in the pink being lame” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’thappen.

· Two in the Pink once drank an entire jug of pink panty droppers. And kept their panties on.

· Two in the Pink doesn’t sing meatloaf, meatloaf sings two in the pink

· When Two in the Pink is in a crowded area, they dont walk around people. They walk over them.

Yours in keg stands and poison,

2 in the pink

DONKEY PUNCH

What a difference a week makes.  Last Thursday we got obliterated by Sit on My Base.  They’d been plotting all offseason for revenge from the playoffs last summer and those voodoo dolls really worked wonders.

Then Monday rolls around: Terrible conditions, not a full team on hand, playing the highest scoring team in the league and we roll.  Maybe it was the Monday night aspect (we’re now undefeated all-time on Monday.)  Maybe it was that whole “getting runners on base thing.”  Personally, I think it was the shirts.  Namely, we didn’t wash ours.  Most had been at the bottom of the hamper all weekend, moldering alongside work clothes and sweat pants.  Some we’re left in trunks.  I think Colin’s shirt ended up buried in the back yard by the dog…

Anyway, it worked.  So from this point on, we’re not washing our shirts and we’re going all the way.  Well, that as long as Lisa keeps catching everything and going perfect at the plate.  And Sean returns from exile and knocks in two.  And Carl keeps placing perfect kicks.  And Jen M goes 2-2 and scores.  And Neil boots bombs to right.  And…

Where My Pitches At?

(that’s right even the Justice League sports an FP..what??)

Due to the lack of kickball (thanks to the monsoons that have plagued the 512 area), team moral has been low. What is one to do on a Thursday evening without the glorious red ball, beer, and superior fannypacking? Not much..unless you can find a Motown Party..but that’s besides the point. Our first game back since the rain, and we played well. Todd scored excellently for the team, and there were several awesome catches in the outfield that helped us win the game. Another fannypack joined the team as well, look for the fanny-bumping mid game..it’s cathartic.
Post game celebration involved a few ‘Pitches’ and some 2 In The Pinks and one rogue Donkey Puncher celebrating their victories with Ariel, Prince eric, sebastian, flounder and king triton. That’s right..a Disney sing-a-long..go ahead, be jealous.

(this is what you’ll look like if you kiss a Ginger…) But if you insist on Ginger love, then please use this:

This  Thursday we face off against Liver Let Die, who by the way, seem to have procured a miniature statue of President Grant McClendon. I know what you’re thinking…”that’s a leprechaun!” But, if you look closely..you’ll see the fine chiseled features of the ginger that we all know as Grant.
Just don’t ask what’s in the pot of gold, you.don’t.want.to.know.

Anyways, watch out Livers, because we’re out for vengeance. We let you win last time, but not again….not again.

Cheers!

-Pitches.

WALK OF SHAME

As for the team we play next….. We don’t care what state you played kickball in last month…

RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN

Welcome fellow kickballers. I’m Justin Grady and I’m going to be guiding you through another championship year for the dynasty that is Relax and Let it Happen. If you’re new and you don’t know who I am, just ask who the best catcher/leadoff man in Texas and maybe the country is. If that doesn’t work, I’m the guy that’s a slick fielding combination between Willie Mays Hays and the Patrick Swayze of Dirty Dancing…because nobody puts Grady in a corner.

This week we played Where My Pitches At? After losing to us 3-0, they are thinking about changing their name to Where My Wins At? or maybe How Does Relax Do That? They played us well. They have a veteran team with a couple of good guys and a few good girls. We played horrible, but at least they didn’t score on us. They came close in the first inning but Joey threw a wonder strike to home plate and I finished it off with an equally amazing tag out.

Shout out to Erin for coming in and representing on her first game. She got on twice in the two weirdest ways but we’ll take it. David was running around like a crazy person all night. If you get a chance, ask him how big his dick is. Nicole had some classy bunts, as did Shannon. Other than that, we kinda played like shit, but when you’re as good as us, you can afford to win ugly sometimes.

On Monday we play Liver Let Die. We will beat them, just like we beat everyone else.

Week

Donkey Punch

What a difference a week makes.  Last Thursday we got obliterated by Sit on My Base.  They’d been plotting all offseason for revenge from the playoffs last summer and those voodoo dolls really worked wonders.

Then Monday rolls around: Terrible conditions, not a full team on hand, playing the highest scoring team in the league and we roll.  Maybe it was the Monday night aspect (we’re now undefeated all-time on Monday.)  Maybe it was that whole “getting runners on base thing.”  Personally, I think it was the shirts.  Namely, we didn’t wash ours.  Most had been at the bottom of the hamper all weekend, moldering alongside work clothes and sweat pants.  Some we’re left in trunks.  I think Colin’s shirt ended up buried in the back yard by the dog…

Anyway, it worked.  So from this point on, we’re not washing our shirts and we’re going all the way.  Well, that as long as Lisa keeps catching everything and going perfect at the plate.  And Sean returns from exile and knocks in two.  And Carl keeps placing perfect kicks.  And Jen M goes 2-2 and scores.  And Neil boots bombs to right.  And…

MID SEASON PARTY: ANYTHING but CLOTHES…

The Auction Block:

What do a pillow case, a deck of cards and a shocker flag all have in common? They make amazing costumes.

Lundy

Photos from the Partay:

WAKA AUSTIN:

CHARITY AUCTION 2K9

Hey kickballers,

We are off to a great start this season!  We have already raised $382 for our charity.  As some of you may have noticed I am not the only one selling Jello Shots this season so look for Lacy, Sloane and occasionally Lundy to be sporting the backpack of awesomeness too. Don’t forget to bring cash… We are unable to take credit cards, checks or iou’s.

I hope all of you are looking forward to the Mid-Season Anything but Clothes party on Friday!  We have decided to do an Auction to raise more money for our charity so here is how it works.  We have selected several kickballers and they will go up on the block.  If you purchase them you can dress them up however you would like for the games on October 29th.  If you purchase one of the players you are responsible for providing the costume and you must clear it with them first.   We will be accepting checks as well as cash so make sure you bring one of those forms of payment.  If you have any questions feel free to email me alainay@gmail.com.

And don’t forget to do it for the kids…

Alaina

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Remember in the last email when we said “location may change” for the midseason party? Well it has!  We are now going to continue the tradition of mid season parties on the east side by going to The Liberty on E. 6^th.

Drinks are cheaper (which means MORE of them), they have games (bocce ball, washers, pool, pinball and galaga) and they’ll let us use a PA for the auction announcement.

Details:

• Anything but clothes party
• You’ll be drinking “free” until the bar tab runs out
• Carpool if you can, parking is street only
• Charity auction will kick off @ 9:00 and you can bid on people until 10 pm. Benefits our charity.
• +1s are invited… but we ask them to chip in $5 to offset their drinking.

The anyvite is here with details: http://anyvite.com/v0o9snajz6

On The Auction Block….

Name: Drea “Queen of Green”

Team: Walk of Shame

Sign: Pisces

Favorite color: Green or Blue

Likes: Hanging on the beach, beating everyone in an Irish car bomb chug off, kicking doubles, seeing double, and having the dirtiest mouth known to man.

Dislikes: Pretentious, judgemental, closed minded people..not that I judge them or anything…

Potential Buyer: Must want to have a good time. Must also put up or shut up.

Name: Kia

Team: Donkeypunch (aka baby Jesus born again)

Sign: Leo (Rawr)

Favorite color: green

Likes: Kickball, Vegas, Kickball in Vegas, Yagerbombs, Yagerbombs with Kickball in Vegas.

Dislikes: People who don’t play kickball.

Potential Buyer: Someone with lotsa cash (I’m a gold digger)

Name: Brittany Lane & Erin Shirley, aka “B – Lane & E-Money”

Team: Where My Pitches At?

Sign: Virgo & Libra

Favorite Color: red & green

Likes: fun, the beach, dance parties, mac n cheese, fannypacks
Dislikes: onions (B Lane), unicorns, Restless Leg Syndrome, and the jonas brothers.

Potential Buyer: we’re looking for someone who can bench over 200 pounds, kick swine flu in the snout, make a mean pot pie and can sing the golden girls theme song.

Name: Cameron Kushwara, “Kickball Cam”

Team: Donkey Punch

Sign: Aries

Favorite Color: Red

Likes: I like tattoos, kitties and midgets.

Dislikes: parachute pants, bad grammar and pink-themed weddings.

Potential Buyer: I’m looking for someone that will dress me in the most hideous, inappropriate costume imaginable.

Name: Megan Lundquist, “Lundy”

Team: Two in the Pink, formerly Smirkin Merkins

Sign: Cancer

Favorite Color: electric blue

Likes: blacking out, standing on things, Ego’s, gas station beverages, Sunday Funday, mustaches
Dislikes: people who sing Maroon 5 at karaoke bars, visors, work, clowns, Under-inflated balls, and Reality TV

Potential Buyer: must have a liberal attitude toward showering, leathery aroma of a real man, be able to drink everyone under the table or black out trying.

Name: Andre Rodgers, “Dr.Dre”

Team: Walk of Shame

Sign: Leo

Favorite Color: Blue

Likes: Mad Dog 20/20, Wild Irish Rose, Vegas, Women of Walk of Shame, Women of 40 Bounces, ESPN, Michael McDonald, and Applebees

Dislikes: Bob Stoops, Tom Cruise, Bar Snobs, People who use big words for no real reason, and Myspace

Potential Buyer: Someone like Lady Gaga

Name: Sloane

Team: Tyrannical Teabaggers

Sign: Taurus

Favorite color: Yellow

Likes: Winning the Kickball Championship Title, Dancing uncontrollably with the Pinkertons (aka Two in the Pink), well… really anything to do with kickball. The STDs=Sports, Traveling, and Drinking.

Dislikes: people who don’t know what teabagging is

Potential Buyer: Someone who isn’t afraid to have a good time, get drunk, and made stupid mistakes! Wow, that sounds like everyone on my kickball team… awesome!

Name: Grant Stephenson Akins McClendon, “Ginga Ninja,” “Gmoney,” “Star of your wildest dreams”

Team: Well Hung-over
Likes: Gchatting instead of working.

Hate: getting my feet wet when I’m only wearing socks.

Sign: Aries…I love unicorns and walks on the beach.

Favorite color: Blue, duh.

Potential buyer: Two words: Rich. Cougar.

Name: My-Tien (pronounced “meeting”) “Minnie”

Team: Depends on what day it is. Oh kickball, Sit on my Base

Sign: Capricorn

Favorite color: Yerrow

Likes: Pension funds, liquid assets

Dislikes: STDs and the opposing team

Potential buyer: A keg of Mirrer Rite

Name: Joey, “The Big Guy”

Team: Relax and Let it Happen

Sign: Capricorn

Favorite color: Blue

Likes: Texas, Money, Lakes, People Watching, Food and Beer.

Dislikes: losing

Potential buyer: Deep Pockets

and now the team write-ups….

WEAPONS OF MASS

CONSUMPTION

Always looking forward to kickball Thursday’s. This week we played
against the Beerview Mirrors…. Strong team, but not strong enough to
beat the Weapons of Mass Consumption. I have to say though, they put
up a good fight…With their spider monkey boy running around in chucks
dodging every single ball we threw at him, even from a close distance.
Incredible but WTF… How do you not slip and fall in those shoes?
They have absolutely no traction.  Anyway, we started out
disorganized, with several people out or running late, and were not at
full strength.  We were down 1-0 after several kickers, but 1/2 way
through the 1st inning 2 more teammates arrived and we were at as full
strength as we would be for the night, but from this time on, we

didn’t let them score another run the rest of the game as our defense kicked it up a notch and was rocking..  In the end, we kicked a home run, and 1 additional run, to win 2-1.

(Jared, Noelle, Katie and Jason)

RUBBER BALLS & LIQUOR

Finally a true team we became
By donning our shirts even though another team had the same.

A few players short we tried our best
Our kicks had power, our bunts had zest.

Our defense was solid, only two runs were scored
From not until the end, there will be no more.

I’d Kick That

Week One: Setting the tone
The skies were electric, but that didn’t compare to the electricity in Gillis Park in Austin, Texas.  Day one of the Fall 2009 Kickball season was about to get underway, as soon as the lights got turned on, forty-five minutes later than the original start time. All complaints can be forwarded to the league offices.

If anything it gave we, the members of I’d Kick That, more time to pregame and get (re) acquainted with one another.  As the team started to filter in and we watched our fearless leader (said captain) take 15 minutes to parallel-park, there was a team building exercise of shot gunning a cold one.  Not all the members decided to take part in the event (myself included), some, such as Jess T, were quickly peer pressured into it.  Whatever the case, it gave certain members of the team a bounce in their step, especially Rick who only finished half his beer and quickly tried to make up for it by asking for a mulligan.

As the first game was winding down, our opponents drew near and started sucking up to our new mascot, Frodo….or Baxter…..or Toreetzo(sp?), whatever,  either way, it was a ploy that would not work out for the team in jorts(which was a pretty good idea for a team, I mean hilarious, everyone in cut off jeans, I’m sure their preseason meeting was like a scene out of Project Runway with their captain coming around like Tim* critiquing the length and fray of the shorts. Unfortunately for them I think they used too many jeans from their junior year of high school because some of those guys looked, how you say, restricted.).

Soon the game was underway, good things happened early and often.  The top of the first went quick and was capped off with an unbelievable diving catch in foul territory by Don.  The bottom of the first was just as impressive for I’d Kick That, as after two quick hits, Rick stepped up and hammered a three-run shot into the next field.  The tone was set.  We rolled to a 7-4 victory behind some other highlights, which included: the infamous 4th out, impeding the base runners of the other team, Pussy taking the longest turn to second in history, before heading on to third only having to go back to second (he did end up scoring, so he’s got that going for him).

Some other things I noticed throughout the evening.  There is no way to catch a kickball and make it look good (unless you do a diving roll in foul ground).  The fields are way to close together. I had ongoing conversations with other the outfielders from the other game, some nice people(until we play them)!  Catcher is by far the easiest position on the field, you don’t even catch the ball when the other player lets the ball go, the ump (who couldn’t count) or the batter threw it back 90% of the time.  Outfielder shifts shouldn’t be called for mid pitch.

Inspirational link of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_h7Lm7C9Nk
For those of you who read Bill Simmons, yes I know, I completely ripped this off, but I don’t care.  I love the “air” dribbling he does at the start and how he calls the fact that he has the original tape there a “special bonus.”  This should’ve made your creative juices ooze.

Until next Thursday, kick on.

* I had to look up that guy’s name so I get to keep my man card.

Week 2   Pitching Wins Championships:

So the second week I’d Kick That got off to a slow start.  Many of us showed up with little time to pre-game, which showed in the early innings at the plate.  Luckily for our squad our ace hurler was on six days rest.  Tariq was on fire throwing curves, rollers, and small bouncers to every hitter he faced.  The…the….who the hell were we playing?  I never caught their name and probably didn’t need to they were rather shabby.  Either way, I didn’t think a shutout was possible considering the blur that most teams are playing in you have to figure there would be a couple of errors in the field.  Oh and we had those errors, Big “P” just came through on the mound.

High/Low-lights of week two:

Guys always think that girls can’t catch.  Well anyone who was watching our squad last week knows that isn’t the case.  Bases loaded and one out in the top of the first, some guy hits a hot line drive straight at Jess H at third.  The runner on third, also a dude, didn’t hesitate taking off for home.  Unfortunately for them Jess H came up with the grab and then instead of taking all the glory and getting the unassisted double play, she threw the ball to our SSS Terry like it was a bag full of Ebola.  Some might say that she didn’t know she could just step on third, however her teammates know that she didn’t want all the thunder.

Top of the second our leadoff man, Rick, knew the importance of getting on.  He smacks one towards right field and took off.  He took off and dove for first base to beat the throw.  Unfortunately his dive started after about two steps toward first.  Apparently he was trying to move way to fast for what his legs could handle, hmm dirt tastes good doesn’t it Rick.

Some inning, the no-names are at bat and Brandi in LCF is enjoying her beer and chatting it up, not realizing that she may have to do something.  As one would guess the ball is all of a sudden sailing towards center.  Brandi doesn’t hesitate as she takes off toward the ball.  Kelly then informs her that it would be easier to catch the ball if she had both hands available in the form of, “Brandi drop your beer!”  Apparently Brandi took that as “I should spike my cup like I just caught a touchdown in the Super Bowl and see how much of the beer I can splash all over myself.”  Sacrificed the beverage and didn’t make the catch, soaked herself like she was in a wet t-shirt contest in Cancun.

Other observations:  It’s a good thing this league doesn’t test for performance enhancers, all of our runs in this game came off HRs.  Our captain shouldn’t try over the head falling away throws, it didn’t look good, at all, I mean really bad, pathetic really.  “P” got a strikeout, really, somebody couldn’t hit the ball in fair ground four times connecting with the ball, unreal.  A player shouldn’t call for a fly ball over and over until the last moment and let it go over their head, I’m looking at you Claudia.

Inspirational link of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZukVN_djZds

We don’t have this kind of hazing on our team for the rookies, lucky for me.  Do you think the rookies for the Cavs will make sure to get him his doughnuts considering he just got busted with two handguns strapped to him and a sawed off shotgun in a guitar case while riding his motorcycle? “Better have my doughnuts!”

Week Three:  The bitter taste…..

Unbelievably I’d Kick That suffered it’s first and surely only defeat of the season to a group with the longest name ever who seemed to have 3 girls on their team, at most.  Ok, ok, maybe they did have the correct allotment, but a couple of them were tweeners, believe me.

The real reason though that I feel we went down, other than the abundance of he/she’s, was that god-awful start time.  I mean 6:30 is wayyy too early to get a decent buzz going.  Let’s face it, this is the closest thing to pool or darts that I’ve come across in which alcohol definitely heightens ability.  I felt like a west coast NFL player going to New York for a noon start (for those of you who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, 1) you’re un-American, 2) that’s like trying to play a game at 9a.m).  That forty-minute hold up on Mopac didn’t exactly help either.

Lowlights, we had a really bad day in the field and scoring only two runs, a pretty bad day at the plate, that’s all I have to say about that.

Other thoughts, we need Don to get back this week, I mean the guy has had three homeruns in four at-bats in the first two games and then doesn’t show for the third, what the hell?  If it’s a contract dispute we can fix it Don, we’ll alternate bringing you beer each week.  I hope we never play at 6:30 or on field four ever again, possibly cursed for our squad, I’ll let you know if we end up getting screwed and have to play at that time and/or field again.

Inspirational link of the week:  Hide the grandparents, they’re real!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/26/your-friendly-neighborhoo_n_269388.html

WELL HUNG OVER

Well… Uh… When you lose 13-2, there is only one thing to say:

WHERE MY PITCHES AT?

A returning team in the “Capital” division.. ‘Where My Pitches At?” is off to a good start. As of now we’re 1-2, but we’re just gettin’ started people. We’ve got the spirit, talent, and general bad-ass attitude to do really well this season. New ‘Pitches’ this season: Pete, Allison, J Kee, Stevie, Jim, Brian, Cranch, and Mike. You should already know the repeat offenders, but in case not… Nathan, Alex, Kevin, Todd, E Money, and B Lane.

Some call it a waist belt, others the ‘fanny pack’..but we ‘Pitches’ refer to it as the harbinger of fucking awesomeness. What’s better than a pouch strapped to your waist that holds all things valuable? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. In a recent Gallup poll, it’s the preferred method of carrying valuables 80% of the time, all the time.
Heads up to Liver Let Die, congrats on the win..but remember, there will be a rematch.

Cheers!
Your friendly ‘Pitches’

2 In The Pink

We know you’ve seen us around. You’ve thought to yourself, “Did they slide in dirt? Is that a shocker symbol on that ridiculously large flag? Did she do three kegstands? Man, I wish one of those tie dye wearing chicks would go to the prom with me.”

Well, being the extremely kind and giving (not that way, perv) team that we are, we want to help you out on your desirability factor. Therefore we have compiled a list of what not to wear or do in order to get invited to prom by that hottie you have been eyeing.

10) Capri pants. You don’t live in Europe. If you rode your bike, wear regular size pants and roll up the leg.

9) Earrings. Anywhere really.

Being overly competitive. Cussing/yelling at ladies during games is not sexy. We don’t think it is cute and it doesn’t make you more of a man in our eyes. Is winning really more important than getting some hottie to ask you to prom? Crying/moping is also NOT hot.

7) Fake tans. No explanation needed.

6) Blue-tint or mirrored Sunglasses. It is definitely not cool that you are looking at other chicks while talking to me. Girls like to see your eyes or at least know you are TRYING to pay attention. Plus you just look like a douche.

5) Jorts. Some people can pull these off (hipsters, emo-kids) but really? Denim does not breathe, sweaty balls are not cool.

4) Cut off sleeves. Is it REALLY that hot out here that you have to hug me and rub your arm pit hair in my face. NO thanks.

3) Affliction and/or Ed Hardy t-shirts. Either you want to prove that you are afflicted or that you like to waste tons of money on an ugly bedazzled t-shirt. Neither is a good choice.

2) Shaved Chest Hair. If we wanted to date a GIRL, we would become a lesbian. Women like REAL men…fyi. Plus we do not want to cuddle with a thousand tiny shards of your chest hair growing back.

1) Visors. Do you think the fact that you are showing off that you have hair is impressive? Your scalp is getting burned and you look like an idiot.

For more tips of what NOT to do, please see this website.

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Also for the ladies – you might want to start looking for prom dresses. In town selection is limited, EBAY is not. Just fyi.

Off like panties at prom,

2inthepink

WALK OF SHAME

Fun Facts About Walk of Shame:

-We are 5 seasons deep in here.

-We are undefeated.

-We introduced the league to Mad Dog 20/20 and Wild Irish Rose.

-Our pitcher does the Stanky Legg every chance she gets. (Mizzy)

-Our 3rd Basewoman is a sucker for love and got engaged last week. (Drea)

-Our Short Stop is probably drunk at this very minute. (Kris)

-Every guy on the team likes to watch wrestling.

-We don’t like ties. (Unlike the captain and the other members of 40 Bounces to Freedom)

-We make an exception to the tie fact when we play Relax and Let it Happen.

-Our 2nd Basewoman is better than yours. (Cindy)

-Our other Short Stop doesn’t give a danm about any of you. (Louis)

-Our 1st baseman is sexier than yours. (Dre)

-Our Left Fielder is clumsy, but damn he’s good. (Jorge)

-We will pay anyone to slap the smile off our CF mouth. (Chris)

-Our Newbies are fucking a bunch of badasses… And I’m not playing. (Rebecca, AJ, and Corey)

….. And we’re coming for that Cup…. If you don’t like us, we still love you….

I’ll leave you with that.. Keep pondering and good luck in the playoffs everyone!!!

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He’s baaaaaaaack…

Hello there kickballers…
It was a hell of a season and it looks like Relax walked away
with the regular season title…but wait, with a loss? Yes,
congratulations to Freebasers for defeating Relax for the first time
in club history (in Jay’s words “Dynasty history”). It was a great
game by both teams but with Freebasers limiting their errors on the
field and having a great game at the plate. It looked like the
Liver/Pitches game was going to be a close one until some screw came
loose in the Pitches fielding and Liver ran away with the victory.
No games thursday for us, but that does NOT mean we can’t drink.
So in honor of 99.7% of us dedicating our friday mornings to not
letting our bosses see our blood shot eyes I am promoting a Capital
flipcup/some form of drinking game tourney at the fields around 7:30
or so…Afterwards, a possible division trip to Jovitas sounds
good…I am pretty sure Scott misses all of us.
Finally, the playoffs…. If everyone could get out to the fields
around 10:30 am or so on saturday that would be fantastic. Just to
make sure we have everyone there and if possible, we start 5 minutes
early for once. We are doing double elimination with the last game
ending at 5pm. Liver will be out there at 9am tailgating, starting to
bbq for the afternoon, and trying to remember what happened the last 9
thursday nights. Come join us with your tents, bbq pits, coolers o`
beer and your favorite music while we mourn/celebrate the last week of
kickball.
Good luck this weekend to everyone, and hope to see you out there
thursday and saturday. I appreciate all of you playing and look
forward to seeing you next season. Take care guys.

Rock

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Just for entertainment, I’d like to reintroduce everyone to WAKA Austin’s Board of Directors. The decision-makers.  These are the folks that put together awesome seasons of kickball. They also sing kareoke when off the kickball clock. If interested in helping out with WAKA and brainstorming new events/ideas, shoot Cameron an email. Along with your favorite kareoke song, of course.. (Personally, I think it helps to have an iPhone when there’s no camera around and the ability to NOT carry any sort of tune. But that’s debatable.)

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/photo_search.php?oid=62333569622&view=all

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For those of you who missed the Walks resounding loss against LeBALLskis, it went a little something like this:

Yeah that pretty much describes our life last week. Terrible. They dominated us. That’s ok. Back to the drawing board for Shame. On the a brighter note, we did have one MVP. The ever scrutinized Chris Sobremonte. He got on base every time he kicked and scored. He prevented a shut out. Take solace in that. Bring it like that every week, and the girls will be whispering your name (Slob… Slob… Slob…). We will bounce back. Besides, wanted to see my ass and legs way more than I wanted to see his, so he had his team play out of their minds for one week only. Typical. What the hell was I thinking?? Effing skirt… Oh well.

Now it’s on to playoffs. We like to model ourselves after our kickball idols, Kids in Rehab. Last season, they had almost the exact same trouble we did. Had a murderous schedule. Bad regular season record. Then BOOM… killed it in the playoffs. That’s our new goal. Worst regular season in Walks history followed by the best playoffs in Shame history too. What better way to kick it off then play against our old playoff nemesis from last season, Weapons of Mass Consumption. Nice folks. But it was probably the most intense game ever. It went 8 innings. We haven’t forgotten. I know they haven’t forgotten about it. They’ve come long nicely since last season. They are still bottom dwellers, and this year we join them. Should make for a great teams with two teams having absolutely no expectations of greatness from anyone. We’ll see you folks out there on the field. No mercy!!!

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iKickballs

We thought having one of our pitchers dress up as Billy Ray Cyrus would throw off the offense but alas, the mullet just wasn’t enough. Kudos to Steven “the Foot” Crosley for scoring our only run of the game and Chris “Happy Feet” Neumann for kicking him in. Shout outs to Kai, Jeremy, Emily and the outfield for stellar defense.

Another tough loss, but another well played game. Lady Luck was definitely on Hannah Montana’s side.

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Relax and Let It Happen

We lost for the first time in a long time. We didn’t play well, but we don’t want to take anything away from The Freebasers’ efforts. They deserved to win. It’s good for a powerhouse to get caught slipping every now and then, because it reignites the fire. We will never take winning for granted again, and we can’t wait to play The Freebasers in what will probably be the Championship on Saturday.

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Great game Pitches.

Alright, let’s go straight to the shout outs.  First off, Nasty Nate returns after a 3 week hiatus with some new scars to show off and grabs MVP of the game.  He was solid at short stop and had a home run and a triple.  Bryan made a most impressive grab at 1st base to get the out while also logging two RBI’s.  James returned after a small hiatus to drive in 2 runs and pitch a 1-2-3 shutout inning.  PQ confidently took over the 4th spot in the lineup and pulled in an RBI.  John was on base 3 for 3 and Jake had 2 singles!  Phrog grabs defensive player of the game shutting down the bunts from Pitches.  No ball got in the air he didn’t pull down for the out.  As for the ladies….well, they rocked, as usual.
We are finally starting to gel and what better time.  We could just be a real force to be reckoned with come this Saturday’s playoffs.  With just the right amount of Bloody Mary’s, confidence, courage, beer, shots, beer, courage, and shots we could shock the system and win it ALL!!!

1-2-3 LIVER!!!

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Big LeBALLski’s

The LeBALLSki’s learned a lot of good things last week.  The main one being that Dre’s trash talk literally means nothing.  The next being that we are awesome, and the last being that we had a great time playing WoS and we love you, Dre.  Sorry if the bleeding hasn’t stopped yet though…

The girls were amazing.  Getting on base, great base running, excellent field presence… we really couldn’t have asked for more.  Chase’s first inning bomb with one on set the pace for the game and we rolled our way to a 7-1 Victory.

We would be COMPLETELY remiss if I did not mention Bruce’s 5th inning swan dive to catch a ball in the outfield.  He laid out as much, if not more, than humanly possible.  That gave us the defensive “can do” to finish out the game.  So great.

So it looks like we finished 3rd for the season.  Not sure how to feel about that, but I’m pretty sure this guy on the right does:

Can’t wait to see all you guys in the playoffs.  And be ready, because “[we’re] throwin rocks tonight!!”

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Teabagger’s

The Teabagger’s would like to thank everyone at WAKA for a great season, far better than the competing kickball organizations in Austin, who shall remain nameless.  While we weren’t able to teabag everyone we would have liked this season, we were able to teabag several quality teams.  I would like to take special note of Walk of Shame, who have gratuitously stolen their logo picture from the alma mater of several of the Teabagger’s and greatest university on earth: The Ohio State University.

Being connoisseurs of the finest arts, we refuse to go on and on about the droll details of this week’s game.  We refuse to mention that the opposing team contains at least one former Division I athlete and certainly we refuse to discuss the Fireballer’s PREVIOUSLY undefeated flip cup status.  No, instead, we chose to express ourselves through the majesty of cultivated photography, which more fully captures the essence of the entire night.

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Baby Jesus

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Short and sweet this week..

Good luck to all the teams tonight!!

See ya’ll on the field!!!

6:45 pm

Field 2:  Hanna Montana v. XXX Men
Field 3:  Walk of Shame v. Weapons of Mass Consumption
Field 4:  Bobcats, Pumas and Dawgs v. Stunder

7:30 pm

Field 2:  Baby Jesus v. Sexy Pitches
Field 3:  Booze on 1st v. iKickballs

8:15 pm

Field 2:  Toe Blasters v. Smirkin Merkins
Field 3:  Been There Balled That v. Ace of 2nd Base

Great week of games everyone! We had lot’s of exciting matchups, flip-cup in the park, dance parties and a weekend tournament for the books. Read on for a special edition of “Game of the Year” and hear a clip of Bobby Bones and his crew discussing losing to our own WAKA players this weekend!

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Well congrats kickball peeps.  This Thursday will be the last Thursday of the regular season.  I know what you’re thinking… Please, Ninja, don’t let kickball be over.  Don’t you guys worry.  We got playoff’s coming up and because we like ALL of you so much.  You will all be included.  Look forward to a schedule for that.  But I’d plan on some of you playing next Thursday and then the rest playing Saturday the 22nd.  A little birdie told me that.  I was on drugs.  It was awesome.

So just in case you’ve been coasting through this season and not paying attention to anyone or anything, as many of us are so inclined to do, I thought I would give you some lessons you should have learned from this wonderful thing we call WAKA kickball:

1. When in doubt, pack more brew.  I mean, I know that we got an attractive group of kickballers, but it never hurts to add an extra lens to those beer goggles you got workin.

2. The Ref’s are your friends.  I don’t even feel bad admitting that I leaned one way on a call because someone liked my write up last week.  Hey, be nice to us and we will be nice to you.  Unless you are an official Waka rep, in which case, I am always unbiased and perfect.  For real though, it helps to be cool with us.  We love you guys.

3. Write something for the Gmot.  I mean, pressure other teams to do it, because I’m assuming if you read this that you do your part.  It’s a great way to talk trash, keep in touch, waste time at work, and all other things.  Also, go find that girl that plays for “Booze on first.”  Dark Brown Hair, or is it black… Anywho, that is Lacy, she does the Gmot and she should get an award for that trash.

4. Pegging:  Not always the best option.  You know the big plays happen on overthrows and missed pegs right?  Always way your options and remember that the pitchers mound is your friend.

I know I got some more wisdom in there for you but you’ll have to find me on the fields this week and I’ll give it to you then (TWSS).  Here’s looking to a good week with some good games. Oh, and come root on Big Leballski’s at 8:15 and make Dre wear a skirt next week.  You’re not going to want to miss that.

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Have You Seen Me???

help. please...

I used to turn in writeups (way freaking late) as the President of Capital.  Answers to the name “grandma with a douchebag hat.” (see Bobby Bones radio show segment below) Have I gone off the deep end??? Have I turned to the dark side?? Yelling obscenities on the sidelines (like Jay Russell) and snorting what I’m hoping is drugs??

We, the fans of the GMOT miss your enlightening (not even) writeups containing what some may think to be far more I’s, Me’s, and My’s than what is kosher.. Come back from your writer’s block!

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Bobby Bones Tourney CHAMPS!

Once again, the brave and valiant warriors of WAKA came together from their scattered teams and stepped outside our happy family to spread the gospel of kickball to the unwashed masses.  After a harrowing loss in the finals of the winners bracket, we responded and won three straight, the last two over the arch nemesis that is Bobby Bones and captured the tournament.  Props are in order to the players.

Aimie: Kicking cleanup all day, driving in runs with an upset stomach.  Let’s not forget sliding into second and injuring yourself (the Clay Logue play) when we were up 10 runs.
Kari: Stellar defense right up the middle, kept turning over the offense AND lodged two homeruns.  She’s kind of a big deal.
Anne: Recorded the final out of the tournament, scored a boatload of runs.  Also kept her streak of getting hit in the face alive, well done.
Allie: Leadoff kicker extraordinare.  I think you batted about .950.  My bad getting you doubled off.
David: Making his tourney debut, caught everything in a three-zipcode radius.  More importantly, kept Jay and Joey MARGINALLY in check.  Huge accomplishment.
Grant: The other rookie on the squad, 2nd best walk up music.  Would have had another rbi but I have no ups.
Jonah: Consumate pro.  Lefty power, great on defense, running, drinking.
Josh: Flashing the wheels on defense and defense, coaching everyone up on the base paths.
Justin: 317 putouts in center field.  Bobby Bones’ team was calling you the MVP before the game was even over.
Jay: Yeah you filled in at pitching and kicked well and made some laser throws from 3rd base to get outs that we had no business getting.  What have you done for me lately?
Joey: Brought the big leg, the hands, the Cabo Wabo.  Most impressively, nailed Lunchbox Dan when he took the big turn from 3rd.  Priceless look on his face.

Honorable mention to Ryan who didn’t even play but still managed to get bashed and called out on a syndicated radio show.  That’s impressive.

Final score in seven games:  WAKA 51, everyone else 16.

Thanks to everyone who came out and supported us and everyone who played.  It was a blast and I’m looking forward to the next tourney so we can share kickball with others.

For your entertainment, Bobby Bones gives a shout out to WAKA Kickballers… kinda: (Scroll down to”Kickball” podcast)

http://www.967kissfm.com/cc-common/podcast/single_podcast.html?podcast=BobbyBonesShow.xml

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CHARITY

Hey kids,

First, I would like to thank Sloane from the Teabaggers for selling jello shots while I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago.  Everyone said she did a great job!  Second,  We have broken $1000, YAY!  Jello shot sales have raised over $1000 for the Town Lake Animal Shelter.  I am so excited that we are going to be able to give them so much at the end of the season.  Third, so many of our teams have been stepping up and purchasing jello shots… but the big spenders are still Weapons of Mass Consumption and the Smirkin Merkins, so congrats to both of those teams for consistently getting wasted.  Just in case you are wondering it is perfectly ok to have more than 10 jello shots.  I personally had more than 15 two weeks ago and everything turned out ok.

I try to make it to all of the games to sell jello shots but the last couple weeks I have been finding myself stuck under the tree.  So if I don’t make it over to your game, come find me under the tree.  I’m the brunette with the awesome Jello Shot backpack and black and white striped socks!

See ya at the fields,
Alaina
Jello Shot Bartender

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Hello Flip-cuppers,

The transition from Jovitas to the fields went fairly well this week. I’ve received a ton of positive feedback and everyone seemed to be really excited about playing on the fields. I even had a larger turnout this week because some of the teams that don’t normally play at the bar showed up in full force. Look for me again after your games this week!

Referee pick of the week: Sexy Pitches vs Weapons of Mass Consumption. Daniel and Jason brought two well matched teams to the table. The game was all tied up and both teams decided to do a full-cup anchor match to decide the game. WOMC was ahead when Jason started chugging his cup of beer, but then out of nowhere Mila the birthday girl slammed down her beer and flipped the Sexy Pitches to victory! I haven’t seen a girl chug like that since Ashley won the chug-off for YLLINAD last season! You go girl!!

Regular reminders for this week: Please make sure to bring enough beer to your games to play flip cup with after, or make sure and run to the corner store to get some more after your game is over. I’m not really keeping by the schedule exactly. Whenever both teams get teams together with enough beer, then we’ll start ya! See you all on Thursday!

Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…

~ Jen

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On the field…

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And now, the highly anticipated…

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Ok so Limo riding and Whis-quila shots took over our kickball prowess but we recovered in time for a Flip Cup shutout over the 40 Bounces to Freedom!   BTW: Where was everybody?? ….not at Jovita’s for post game!

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Freebasers

Another weak-fiended turnout for the Freebasers last week, although with a much more potent outcome. A whopping six baseheads showed up for the game, but thanks to a lenient opponent and a generous motley crew of substitute addicts, we fielded a full team worth playing with. Thanks to everyone who stepped up and helped a wobbly-kneed team of fiends in need of a fix. We couldn’t have done it without y’all. And thanks to Liver Let Die for letting us pick up the extra corner boys.

Playing Liver is always a pleasure. Good friendly competition and trash talking. This week’s game epitomized the difference between Live and Capital rules. It was a defensive stalmate all the way, but we were high enough to snort up a few runs to support some solid pitching and clutch fielding from all. Good stuff all around.

The game’s the game. Win or get got.

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iKickballs

Another close game against a very respectable 0-6 team, you guys are much better than the record shows. Sporting a lackluster ugly shirt turnout, iKickballs got down in the first inning. The xxxmen had a speedy and solid hitting top of the order that got them off to a 1-0 start along with Adam’s best interpretation of Bill Buckner in the 1986 World Series (Look it up if you aren’t a Mets fan, or weren’t alive then). The dust bowl that existed between 2nd and 3rd base didn’t help matters much.

But our team has become known for great defense and comebacks. In what was the 3rd inning, i believe, we mounted our comeback and Adam made amends. Kris got a hit and eventually moved over to 3rd, with help from Brandon and Carly, where Adam drove him in. Adam later scored on a kick from Rachel or Drake, not sure. These are the facts I have, so if I’m wrong, be sure to berate me at the next game, and I’ll buy you a beer…the dust may have seeped into my brain. We had some other decent scoring opportunities, but weren’t able to finish.

We had awesome displays of speed and acrobatics from Chris our 40 drinking CF, great catches from Jeremy, our 40 drinking 3B. Some dynamic combo plays from sister Emily and little-big brother Kai that only siblings could have. Carly did a great job as volunteer catcher, confirmed by T.J., who did not yell at her.

We shut down the last inning with some more solid pitching by T.J.’s hair, an amazing catch by Emily, who claimed it hurt her boobs, another spectacular grab from Jeremy and a final catch by Kai, who prophesied his catch before they even kicked it.

Another tough flip cup loss that came down to the final. The better we get at kickball, the worse we are doing at flip cup. Can the two not co-exist? Come back next week to find out.

Special thanks to Kai and Emily’s Dad, who unknowingly provided most of the ugly shirts.

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Baby Jesus

Those who don’t change are doomed to become extinct.  We’ve taken that to heart with Baby Jesus.  This season, we’ve spent our time playing four fantastic innings and one awful one.  Last week, we decided to turn that on its head and play four sub-par innings with one really awesome one.  It’s all about evolution, er, creationism.

We only did it with ten players too.  Jen was kidnapped in Costa Rica, Sean was suffering from sugar withdrawal, Mike was deported to Canada and Colin was trapped in the closet.  We held on the defense for three innings, but in the bottom of the 4th the Dawgs broke through with great kicking and artful dodging on the basepaths.  Things looked grim.

Miya, waiting for a neck transplant, started with a single.  Glen hadn’t played in two weeks and has some anger issues anyway and he kicked the ball to Barton Springs.  Chris got on and with two outs, Kia brought home two runs.  Clutch.  Then we gave back one run and had the bases loaded with one out, but turned two to end it.

So this is what a winning streak feels like…

Hallelujah Amen.

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Fireball

We whooped em so bad they didn’t even want to play us in flip cup…. 11-2
Nuff said!

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Relax and Let it Happen

By beating two teams that never really gave us any competition, we have officially won our 4th consecutive regular season championship. It feels great to be a member of one of the greatest dynasties in recreational sports history. Our dynasty is like the Zhou Dynasty of China and the Roman Empire, because we execute bitches and we build roads to victory.

Those games weren’t as intense as what happened after our 2nd victory of the night, where we celebrated like real champions would…with a dance-off. Some say it was fueled by emotion. Some say it was fueled by beer. And then some people say it was fueled by the kickball gods, who get off by watching us play. Whatever it was fueled by, it was magical, and for those watching it, orgasmic. We shook and gyrated our hot, sweaty, and athletic bodies to the beat like our lives depended on it. We formed a circle, and we all took turns dancing in the middle. Shout out to Jennifer who took it up a notch with her Kerri Strug-like cartwheel in the middle of the dance circle. Not too many people can fall as graceful as her. And not too many people can pop, lock, and drop it like Nicole. She can run fast, but she can shake it faster. During the celebration, Whitney and Katie let loose their inner love for ladies, and couldn’t help but dance with each other and with Nicole. Shannon, whose boyfriend was present, kept it as clean as possible when she shook it on the dance…grass, and tried not to laugh at the aforementioned boyfriend’s moves.

We play The Freebasers this week, one of our arch-nemesis. It’ll be fun to play a team who has the ability to challenge us.

So, for all of you who hate us, love us, or are somewhere in between, you should just get to know us off of the field, and then relax and let it happen.

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XXX Men

XXX-Men are still in the basement in the TxLive Kickball Standings, but we had our best showing Week 7 against iKickballs, losing only 1-2.  The following players made an appearance: (top row L-R) WhorePath, Archanal, Girl Rider, Crotch Storm, SliceMan, (middle L-R) Creamy Cat, Moneyshot, Weapon Sex, (bottom L-R) Shadowclit, Sabrecooch, Lady Breastrike.

Highlights of Kickball Game:

Great catches: Bi-Curious Clops with two pop ups to right field, Lady Breastrike at supershort catching with her neck, and SliceMan catching a line drive inches off the ground
Base kicks: Archanal (scored only run), Shadowclit, Moneyshot, SliceMan, WhorePath
Defensive plays: Lady Breastrike hooked up with Creamy Cat for a crucial stop at third, Sabrecooch pegs runner on the way to second and later goads the same runner when a fellow teammate was running home, “Hey, aren’t you gonna try to run to third,” where SliceMan pegged her out. (Sabrecooch feels just a little bit bad about that one, but only a little…)

However, all that wasn’t enough for the win as iKickballs prevailed with a solid kicking game, but this grouping of Apple employees (no, seriously) wouldn’t expect any less from a team with such a name.  It was one hell of a game, and we were looking forward to the best part of the night…

This was probably the most exciting game to date as it was on new turf and it was a back and forth battle that came down to the final round.  XXX-Men claimed victory on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th rounds, surviving the scares of rounds 2 and 4.  Best inter-team interaction of the night:

Beginning of second round:
Lady Breastrike: We need to have the same amount of beer in our cups.
iKickballs Lead-Off: Does it matter? I’ve got like 80 pounds on you.
*pause*
Lady Breastrike: (quietly) I can still beat you.
Both teams: OHHHHH SNAP! OHHHH SHIT! OH NO SHE DIDN’T!

Lady Breastrike did in fact beat him in the chugging, but drank the beer with a little too much enthusiasm, which led to it going all over her face and up the nose.  Ouch.  However, three rounds later, victory would be ours.  Week 7 Team: Archanal, Lady Breastrike, Weapon Sex, Creamy Cat, and Shadowclit.

We’ve got one kickball game left to save ourselves from total shame.  Smerkin’ Merkins, you’re our final notch on the season bedpost.  LET’S GET IT ON!

Love, the XXX-Men

P.S. Jen, Mistress of Flip Cup, agreed to an exhibition rematch of Baby Jesus vs. XXX-Men in Week 8.  You don’t wanna miss this…

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40 Bounces to Freedom

Birthdays, whiskila, and scratch-offs, OH MY! In the words of Brittany, the girl who STILL has a bday hangover, “This week was one for the books, y’all!” 40 Bounces enjoyed playing Wendell and the BTBT crew and REALLY enjoyed the post-game shots. Thanks for a great game! We can always count on the BTBT’s to play hard and party harder. We’re looking forward to having our full team back this week as we go up against Kickopotomus and go for yet another W. See you at the fields!

Who’s house? BOUNCE HOUSE!

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Finally!!!!! It only took 4 weeks but the Walks did it. We won. We’re back! Everyone needs a slump buster sometime. We would like to officially thank Dunder for coming through and helping the cause. Defense was stout and finally morale was high. We had some added help from our arch-rivals in capital, Relax. Joey killed it out there with some good kicking. The offensive boost was just what we needed. We may suck ass, but we are definitely working on it!

Our new leadoff (wo)man, Mizzy, completely showed our old leadoff man what it meant to get on base when kicking first in the lineup. It may be her new place in the kicking lineup for the rest of the year. Oh, and she scored!! Hell yes. As a matter of fact, she’s this week’s MVP. Our old leadoff man scored too, but that was only after he was replaced in the lineup. If you think you can act right for the rest of the year, let me know, and you can have your job back. In the meantime, you’ve gotten your cookies taken from you by a girl. A girl! Nonetheless, you folks played AMAZING. I loved the pitching by committee. We used 4 different pitchers before finally letting Drea close out the show. Total team effort. I am really looking forward to how we fare in the playoffs. I’m ready to sneak up on some teams… Keep working on it team!!!

Last thing, for the past few weeks, some of you may have noticed the a member of LeBallski’s talking about how I’m going to wear a skirt, because they’re going to beat us. He’s said this at least 3 times this season on the GMOT. Now I’m prone to talking a little shit, but I’ve left him alone til now. If you aren’t familiar with some of the things he’s been saying, he basically reminds the Walks of this kid…

We aren’t gonna lose. We’re gonna win. Grant, you’ve messed up son. Get ready to wear that skirt and change your name to Bridget come playoffs. I’m out for blood. Hope your team can come through for you. You’re about to feel what it’s like to look slutty.

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Where My Pitches At?

Last week the “Pitches” faced off against Relax and Let it Happen, for round
2. This time we pulled off a run, and game ended at 5-1. I’d say that’s a
step up from 10-0 from the last beat down. Jay, and his usual charming self,
was a delight to compete against in Roshambo. Perfect manners, such a little
gentleman.

Kristin and Nathan provided the team with a delicious sangria, which was
also enjoyed by only the elite non-’Pitches’ WAKA players.

After the game, E-money and myself found ourselves on a make-shift motley
crew for flip cup (a few smirkin’ merkins, big leballski’s, and been there
balled thats). Did that matter? No, we still beat Relax’s ass, handily. We’d
like to thank PBR, nectar of the gods.

Watch out this week as we bring the thunder from down under (sorry Pres
Logue, not your favorite dancers of La Bare)…to the game against Liver Let
Die. There will be so much flair, beer, kick-ass, sarcasm, spider monkeys,
hate, angina, the beginning stages of liver failure,Charlemagne (pre-magna
carta fame), a ‘bi-curious’ hobo, strom thurmond, and kickball chi* that no
one will know what hit them. Basically, Hurricane Pitches is expected to hit
the field at 645 pm, so watch the fuck out!

pro-euthanasia since 1942
your friendly ‘Pitches’

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Sit On My Base

Ephraim’s Take
by Ephraim Johnson, life-observer

Fresh air.  A round of kickball.  Winning, as Sit On My Base did again last week.  But why?  You’ll never be this young again, and lord knows, you’ll never FEEL this young again…I’m living proof of that…so why haven’t you taken up a meaningful pursuit, like say, watching more television?

Why, back in my day, we used to believe in self-reliance.  But all you whippersnappers want to do is make new friends.  Get back in the house for a change!  Why spend all your time in the company of others?  They’ll only die on you.  But the warm glow of the television…now that’s forever.

Young people today lack the discipline and stick-to-it-ivness required to watch all eleven seasons of Cheers in a single sitting.  Sure, you want to swim in your organic spring-fed pools and bask in the sun, but goddammit, when are you gonna pull your head out of your ass and really give Melrose Place the respect it deserves?

I suppose you have it all figured out.  Don’t have much time for an old s.o.b. like me.  But I’m telling you, one of these you’re going to wake up and realize that all the best sitcoms are off the air and won’t go to DVD until after you’re dead.  Oh, and you can forget about syndication.

Ephraim Johnson is a lecturer and columnist.  He lives in Houston, Texas.

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Big LeBALLski’s

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The playoff bracket will be posted Friday the 14th. Good luck!!

Week 8 Schedule - August 13th

6:45
Field 1: Toe Blasters v. Been There Balled That
Field 2: Liver Let Die v. Where’s my Pitches at?
Field 3: Baby Jesus v. Sexy Pitches
Field 4: Smirkin Merkins v. XXX Men

7:30
Field 1: 40 Ounces to Victory! v. Steven Seagal’s Dunder Siege
Field 2: Hannah Montanta’s Sax Tape v. iKickballs
Field 3: Relax and Let it Happen v. Freebasers
Field 4: Red Rockets v. Sit on my Base

8:15
Field 1: Tyrannical Teabaggers v. Fireballs
Field 2: Big LeBALLskis v. Walk of Shame
Field 3: Technicality v. Freebasers
Field 4: 40 Bounces to Freedom v. Kickopotamus X

9:00
Field 1: Booze on 1st v. Bobcats, Pumas and Dawgs
Field 2: Ace of 2nd Base v. Weapons of Mass Consumption

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See everyone on the fields…

“Tootles!”

Check out more pictures from Week 6 here. Merkins, raunchy shirts, you know, the usual kickball entertainment.

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My Kickball Peeps:

After two long weeks of being an enigmatic and mysterious Prez, I shall make my triumphant return to kickball this Thursday.  I’m looking to renting a horse for such an occasion but I’ll probably just drive the same pick em up truck that I’ve been rocking since I was 16.  Yes… I know that was 9 years ago… No, I don’t care how pathetic that sounds.

I hope all of you have had a wonderful time in kickball land in my absence.  I know I was completely miserable thinking that I was without kickball, flip cup, getting yelled at while reffing and seeing your smiling faces.

Because I’m a ninja and I’m tuned in to the powers of the universe, I thought I would provide you all with your horoscope for this week.  Please read and enjoy.

Aries- You will notice a burning desire to paint all of your skin green and stand behind the weather man as he makes his B.S. predictions.

Taurus- At least once this week a bird will fly into your car.  Don’t worry, you will have the opportunity to poo on it while it rests gingerly in the shade.

Gemini- Your laundry pile will appear to speak to you while you are changing in the morning.  Do not worry.  That is simply Pee Wee Herman spying on you.

Cancer- While you can’t explain the urge to pee so often, you are strangely thankful that it does not burn quite so much anymore.

Leo- A dog will run across your path three times with a pink ribbon in its mouth.  Then it will hump your leg.  Sorry, Leo.

Virgo- A long lost friend will visit you unexpected.  And stay way too long.  And eat all your food. And upper deck your toilet.  That friend is hot.  You don’t care.

Libra- Driving will seem much more difficult and you will feel unfocused and unalert.  You are drunk.  And riding a unicycle.  Idiot.

Scorpio- Ben Affleck will seem charming again.  Matt Damon untalented.  It will be opposite day.

Sagittarius- You will make a perfect “that’s what she said joke” to a feminist.  She will kick you.  Hard. You will cry.  And she’ll laugh.  You will be me.  Everyday of my life.

Capricorn- You will encounter a man in a long trench coat with running shoes and ankle socks.  Do NOT say you would like to see his “watches for sale.”

Aquarius- Someone of the opposite sex will compliment you on your persona.  They want to sleep with you.  This should be obvious.

Pisces- Bums will not even look at you as they approach your window.  The blood on the hood and the sign that says “I Kill People I don’t Know” will only be part of the reason.

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August 1^st, 2009 is a day that will live in infamy. Not only was it the largest, most successful kickball party we’ve had to date, but it was also the MOST OFFENSIVE.  That is no small feat. As you veterans know, there have been some pretty offensive goings on. Spin the bottle on the boat, random blind pig hookups, finding yourself naked on a roof… wait. Forget that part. Anyway, I am going to have to let the pictures speak for themselves.   In them you’ll see a prince dance off, blow up doll porn, allusions to STDs, bigamy, blasphemy, on stage dancing with a bloody baby and a hell of a lot of sweat.

Suffice to say I am quite appalled and amazed how completely incredibly inappropriate you are. Well played WAKA, well played.

View WAKA’s innapropriate t-shirters at your own risk.. (once link opens, click ‘slideshow’)

 http://picasaweb.google.com/kelly.j.stocker/KickballParty?feat=email#

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Hello Flip-cuppers,

This week was our exhibition week because your trusty ref was off learning how to wage the war against cybercrime. We had some scheduling conflicts with other subs, so Cameron and I decided to forego scoring during week 6. All games will run as scheduled this week at THE FIELD! We’ll play under the trees by the bleachers. So come out for that friendly drinking competition that you love!! Afterwards head to Jovita’s for the usual drink and food specials, minus the flipcup. Don’t mess with Texas.

Regular reminders for this week: Please bring enough beer for your team before you get to the table. As always, I’ll be trying to keep the games going. Keep an ear out for me yelling out team names. I’m short, so you may hear me coming before you see me.

Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…
~ Jen

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And on the fields…

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Relax and Let it Happen

Seeing that we are a dynasty, there are two types of teams that we face. The first type is the team that is just happy to be on the same field as us. They are in awe, and they usually can’t help but to marvel at our athletic mastery and grace. They take pictures, ask for autographs, and one girl asked me to “caress her body all the way down.”

The second type of team wants to beat you more than anything. They practice extensively before games, talk shit to boost their collective self-esteems, and, believe it or not, believe that they can beat us. Liver Let Die is one of these teams. They are an excellent team with a lot of veterans, but they ran into the Dream Team of kickball. You see, we didn’t play up to our abilities in our win last week against Walk of Shame (I heard ya’ll lost AGAIN this week?). So I guess we took it out on Liver Let Die.

We beat them 12-1. It was nothing short of a massacre. I mean, we usually beat lesser teams like that, but not a team like Liver Let Die who actually thinks they can beat us. Shout out to Ryan Logue, who kept mentioning how much he wished he could play as though it would’ve made a difference. Later, we all thought about it and had a good laugh amongst ourselves. Sometimes, I still think back on it while sitting in my study and laugh so hard that I shit myself. Which isn’t a good thing, considering I don’t have any toilet paper in there. I just have to walk around with mud butt all day.

Our girls continued to be more athletic and prettier than yours. Shannon had a pretty cool catch out at shortstop on a line drive up the middle. It reminded me of “The Catch” by forty-niner great Dwight Clark. Nicole, Whitney, and Katie were unstoppable at the plate and on the bases. They didn’t have to do too much on the field because Jay’s pitching prowess was shutting shit down like Mark Buerhle. BWalk!!!, who’s bday was the day before our game, sobered up long enough to turn in another great game. Jim and David are getting better every game, and Joey and I continued to do things others wish they could do. We’ll play Liver Let Die again, and I’m sure they’ll play better. Maybe we’ll beat them 12-2 next time.

If you ever turn a corner and find yourself surrounded by a bunch of good looking athletic people in light blue shirts, just Relax and Let it Happen.

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iKickballs

We may not be first in kickball standings, we may not be first in the flip cup standings, but by golly did we outshine the competition in the inappropriate t-shirt contest. I knew our team was totally inappropriate. Congrats to “Fag-o-meter,” “Deer in the Headlights,” and “Abstinence, 99.9% effective”.
Donning Santa gear, iKickballs was hoping for Xmas in July by unwrapping a “W” in the win column. Things looked pretty bleak as Santa placed us on the naughty list, and filled Dunder’s stockings with 3 runs in the first inning. If that wasn’t bad enough, Santa full on incapacitated our short stop, “Tiny Tim” style, crutch and all. I’m pretty sure he even went so far as to pull down his jolly pants and mooned some of our players, causing temporary blindness and a couple dropped balls, his and some kickballs.

Xmas would not be lost, however. T.J., cursing the white bearded he-devil known as Saint Nick, tossed the Santa hat to the ground, shouting “long live Chanukkah!” and started the rally back to respectability, scoring the first run for our side.

A few innings of great pitching and defense from both sides, including spectacular catches from Drake of the Jungle, Adam of the Nine Fingers, and Jeremy being Jeremy. The Dunder pitcher  made an amazing catch that was called a trap, but was so spectacular he should have gotten the call. He dug down so far to get it, when he came up, it looked like he came out of a coal mine.

Other great plays during that scoring drought, but definitely worth mentioning included some great hits by Carly and Rachel and what could possibly be the first swinging strikeout in Waka history by the mighty Kai. When you swing for the fences you have to put all you got into it.

Katie, purchased some colorful jello shots that sparkled like Xmas lights. These were knocked back like figgy pudding and we were ready to roll out the last inning.

A nice last inning rally featured the first iKickballs inside the park home run by Steven “the Foot” Crosley followed by a triple by Chris “Dick in the Box” Neumann who thankfully waited till he got home to unwrap his gift. A well placed kick by Rachel to third scored the tying run. Take that Satan, I mean Santa.

Another tough loss at flip cup. Thanks Dunder for buying the beers, you stay classy.

Join us next week as hopefully Tommy Bahama will be on our side, aka Ugly Shirt Thursday.

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Baby Jesus

I can’t think of an adequate description for the game last week.  There was trash talking.  Boobs.  Tears.  And that was just during rock-paper-scissors.  When the dust had settled and the final out was recorded, Baby Jesus had pulled off a completely expected, non-upset, besting Walk of Shame 2-0.  (FYI Andre, if both teams have the same record coming in, it isn’t an upset.)

There were kudos galore to give out.  Mike was 2-2 from the leadoff spot with an RKI and scored the eventual winning run.  Sean again used his eight-foot wingspan to snare an errant throw and thwart a rally.  Kia made several catches in left and Miya brought the beer and the trash talking at catcher.  Aimie helped us out and robbed a hit.

Runnerup for MVP was Colin, dude robbed Andre of a two-run homer in the 1st, over the shoulder OchoCinco style.  Then with two outs in the bottom, drove in a run.  Clutch.  Don’t forget the rocking hairstyle.

Without a doubt, MVP was Zach.  Where to begin?  Shutout.  Scored for the first time in I can’t remember, but that’s his own fault for being married.  And with the other team intentionally trying to kick at him, responded with several nifty plays including pegging out the final runner.  Sure he hit a girl, but whatever, a win is a win.

Lookout y’all, Baby Jesus has figured it all out.  Sure it took six weeks, but whatever, it’s all about finishing strong.

Hallelujah Amen.

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Liver vs. Relax.  We came, we saw, we got our @sses handed to us.  We tried hard, too.  We had a lot of great plays that game.  I guess it’s easier to have a lot of great plays when you get the ball kicked to you over and over again.
Anyway, we had an amazing story this past Thursday.  John got his proverbial cherry popped.  He’s been patiently waiting for someone, anyone, to kick him the ball in outfield.  Finally, his day came.  Two catches.  No more virgin status.

In the first inning Relax scored 3 runs before Phrog caught 2 balls from behind the plate and Patrick caught the one to right center.  Three runs down….no problem.  Or so we thought.  Our bat.  First runner on, second runner on, third runner on.  No outs and bases loaded.  Right where we want to be.  Well, Jay’s pitching proved to be too much for our next two batters.  Up comes Holloway…..2 outs and bases loaded.  Damn if she didn’t kick in a run!  Our only run of the game I might add.  Thanks Holloway!

Carrie Walton was everywhere.  She made an amazing catch in right field.  Damn near kicked a perfect one down the left field line only to be called foul.  Don’t even get me starting on the questionable calls of the game.  To give Relax 4 or 5 outs an inning hurts.  I know, I know.  The refs don’t get paid and they’re doing their best.  I’m just saying.
Congrats to Relax for keeping their unblemished record.  We will continue the early morning practices and wind sprint training until we beat you!!!  Be afraid!

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TREMBLE with fear, mortals!  After a thousand strange aeons, that dreaded beast SIT ON MY BASE has again awoken from its unholy slumber.   SEE it as it rains down unmerciful carnage on the kickball field!  SCREAM IN TERROR as it singlehandedly lays waste to Steven Segal’s Dunder Seige!  HIDE YOUR FRIGHTENED EYES as it ravenously devours the lifeless carcass of Baby Jesus!  Hold your date close and SHIT YOUR FUCKING PANTS as it dethrones the previously undefeated Tyrannical Teabaggers!  Is there any force on Earth that can stop this abhorrent monstrosity now that is has been unleashed?  Or will its reign of terror, unchecked alcohol consumption and loud, bawdy conversation continue?  Only Thursday will tell…

Until then, keep the cattle in the corral, lock up your sons and daughters, and pray that this malevolent insanity will choose another for its victim.  THIS SUMMER …  NO ONE IS SAFE.  Prepare yourself to…

SIT ON MY BASE.

Parents strongly cautioned.

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Where My Pitches At?

This past week, the ‘Pitches” beat the Freebasers (again). Guess whatever they’re “cooking” isn’t as strong as they say it is…baha.

Few Highlights from the game, i had to live vicariously through my team..since I was stuck working in Amarillo…

There was apparently a run-in on second, with Todd’s glasses being broken..shame, shame..
E-money scored two runs, she’d like to thank the Wheaties she ate for breakfast that morning.

Ginger magic made some good plays, and good job to all the outfielders as well…keep it up.

Unfortunately Prez Logue couldn’t get his ass kicked at flip cup..something about a Star Wars convention he had to attend later that night….

Watch out this week as the Pitches are bringin’ the heat and badass-ness yet again…and yes, the fannypack will be back. And as always, the beer will be flowing…

Salud!

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XXX Men

Someone was going to get a “W” for the first time this season for their team.  This was not meant to be for the XXX-Men, for our meager squad of ten players was no match for the mighty grouping of Toe Blasters and suffered our worst pounding this season, 11-0.  However, the XXX-Men did not despair, as we knew our skills would be put to better use at our favorite sport… that’s right, Flip Cup, bitches!

XXX-Men Flip Cup Allstars Archanal and Shadowclit were out for the game (Shadowclit was off representing WAKA in full uniform at the Fat Bottomed Girls Dance Off, shaking her money maker all the way to a WIN),

So Weapon Sex, Lady Breastrike, Dickpool, and Creamy Cat came together (sex pun… ZING!) to help another Flip Cup novice, Whore Path, hone her gent and lady lovin’ skills to become another valuable asset to the team.  And she did not disappoint, as the team again had to “come from behind” to get the win.

And congrats to Creamy Cat for her amazing representation at the Inappropriate T-shirt Party on Saturday, landing second place for the best inappropriate shirt. She’s got a lovely Texas Pair, wanna hold ‘em?

So while we still remain in the basement in kickball, we’re confident that we could come on top of any team in the league in Flip Cup.  Wait.. I mean, Come OUT on..!

iKickballs, your balls are next on our list… get ready. Despite all our losses, our team is full of win!

Love, the XXX-Men

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Technicality paid us a BIG compliment by changing up their kicking line-up so they could beat us.  So yeah, you could say we lost by a technicality ; )

Tshirt party was a Blast!  Thanks for all your hard work to put it together!

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Booze On First

Week 6 brought about a big W for the Boozers as we schooled the new kids from Technicality.

Now, I could go on to talk serious $hit about the purple team switching around their crumpled post-it lineup (in both games)… or how the majority of the opposition refused to give a good-sportsmanship high-five to my team.. or how one of their dogs was allowed to $hit in the middle of left-field… Wait. Eff it.

I give you, History’s Infamous Cheaters:

Whew… that felt grrrreat. Anyway, after a nice W and sweaty team huddle to send Kate (1 run!) off from her last WAKA Austin game.. I stepped in a huge pile of steaming crap. FAIL. Not cool purple Barney team.. NOT. COOL.

We reiterated our win again with our skilled ‘one and done’ flipcup team. IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Our MVP on the field was, hands down, Adam “Is There Anyone Else On The Field But Me?” Steinbacher. Nothing got past him. And everything was kicked his way.

This week, KickopotamosX ( Field 4 @ 7:30)… “hip…hip hop…hip hop annonymous!”

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Freebasers

What can we say. We blew it. The hoppers must be cutting the package with baking soda or sour cream or something. Cause the Freebasers ain’t getting their high these days. Especially this week. More baseheads missing in action, and way too many mistakes. And thanks to a shitty economy, lay offs have now left one of our key fiends as a fugitive exiled from Austin.

There was one glaring highlight from last week though…Leigh straight up face planted and slid head-first, penguin style on her way to first base. And props to the Bird for popping up and still waddling her way to touch the base before brushing the dust off her shoulder. Bravo, Leigh. Bravo.

The game’s the game. Win or get got.

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Big LeBALLski

Here is our gmot for last week, literally put in just like this:

me:  bummer.  I have to do a write up for kickball…
katie:  well…
the game was quick and dirty
we played flip-cup before hand and won
there was 2 mostlly naked men playing frisbee and that was distracting
one of them had on leopard
undies
i got out at second, but only because i over ran the base and he touched me
that’s about all i remember
it was hot and muggy.

Apparently we won 4-1.  Lost at flip cup at Jovitas.  Our first loss of any kind this entire season.
Big Leballski’s got a big one coming up this week.  Will pray to any and all god’s for strong legs and sticky hands.

See ya Thursday.

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Dear League,

“But we’re working on it.”

Heartbroken and Full of Shame,

The Walks.

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Smirkin Merkins

Hi Fellow WAKAns:

Let’s play a little game… What did NOT occur this week at the Smirkin’ Merkins Game?

1.       Edward 32oz Hands

2.       Giant Jenga

3.       Interpretive Dance

4.       Grilled Smores

5.       Survivor Flip Cup

6.       Dorito Dogs

7.       Pink Feather Thong Merkin

8.      Vodka Cocktails being Drunk out of a dog bowl

9.       Merkins as Eye Patch

10.   Mooning

11.    2 run ins with APD.

12.    Edward 32oz Hands

13.    Giant Jenga

14.    Grilled Smores

15.    Survivor Flip Cup

16.    Dorito Dogs

17.    Pink Feather Thong Merkin

18.   Vodka Cocktails being Drunk out of a dog bowl

19.    Merkins as Eye Patch

20.   Interpretive Dance

21.    Mooning

22.   2 run ins with APD.

Answer: #4 Survivor Flip Cup! We just played lots of rounds of normal flip… Survivor flip cup is slated for THIS week! Natch.

Here are the pics to back it up:

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Thanks for a great Week 6 kickballers!

See yall on the fields tonight:

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Hello Flip-cuppers,

So week 5 was a success!! Thank you so much to Miss Kelly Stocker for helping us get the games started this week while I played my 9:00 game! Everyone looked like they were having a great time…including me who had a few more than usual…

Referee’s picks of the week: XXX Men vs 40 Bounces to Freedom!! Bounces started off strong with a 2-0 lead, but then the porno-heroes of WAKA won three in a row for an exciting “come from behind”!! Hee hee… couldn’t resist…

So…ALAS! I will be missing kickball this week. I’m attending a “Digital Self Defense” (anti-hacking) conference in Vegas and I won’t be back until the wee hours of Friday morning. I’ll try to head to O’Sheas and flip a few cups for my Austin kickballers. I have full confidence in my fellow board members in my absence. If you would like to lend a hand to rotate out with other refs as needed, please contact Lacy our GMOT editor. If you have any comments or concerns, you can contact me at my email listed on the website. See you all in Week Seven!!!

Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…

~ Jen

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Tx Live Summer 2009 Standings

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XXX-Men

Week 5 has come and gone and the XXX-Men are still winless in kickball (no, we’re not counting that forfeit as a win; apparently, the TxLive Standings aren’t counting it either).  Regardless, we put up a valiant effort this week as we entered into a double-header vs. the 40s: 40 Bounces to Freedom and 40 Ounces to Victory.  After being shut out 3-0 in the first game, the XXX-Men rebounded to start the second game with two runs in the first inning, thanks to a kick by Shadowclit and some awesome base running from SliceMan and Professor XXX.  Sadly, a win was not to be as there were some errors on offense and defense, leading to a 3-2 loss.  Nonetheless, Professor XXX, SliceMan, Shadowclit, Moneyshot, Creamy Cat, Whore Path, Sabrecooch, Archanal, Rhogue, Dickpool, Cocklossus, and Lady Breastrike all put on admirable performances and had one hell of a time doing it (PUN INTENDED).  Besides, we’ve found a new passion in life…

Ever since we got pantsed by Baby Jesus, 3-0, Week Two in Flip Cup, it has been our team mission to built the most excellent Flip Cup team Austin has ever seen.  Flip Cup masters Weapon Sex and Archanal brought novices Shadowclit, Lady Breastrike, Creamy Cat, and Dickpool under their wings to show them the way.  We pulled our mutant sex powers together to realize that all Flip Cup requires is two basic sex skills: please a gent, then gently please a lady.  Gender equality, FTW!  Since then, the XXX-Men have gone UNDEFEATED in Flip Cup, shutting out “Bobcats, Pumas, and Dogs” in Week 4 and “40 Ounces to Victory” in Week 5.  We had two battles to the bitter end with our BFFs “Hannah Montana’s Sex Tape” and “40 Bounces to Freedom”, having to come back from an 0-2 deficit from the latter match-up (thank you to Sweet Cheeks from HMST and Jen for cheering us on!).

VICTORY!

Fun fact: Week 5 XXX-Men scores for kickball – 0-3, 2-3; scores for flip cup – 3-2, 3-0.  All balances out, wouldn’t you say?

SEX MUTANT FREEDOM NOW!

Love, the XXX-Men

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iKickballs

What a game. Our best yet! Think it might have been the hats, but we may never know (until next game).

 MVP of the game – the guy at Jovita’s who saved our team $1000 in towing fees! You will forever be an honorary member of iKickballs!

Other highlights:

Brandon’s Speedy Gonzales-like moves to score our first run of the game early on.
Marvin the Martian & Sheriff Tim’s killer pitches.
The entire defensive lineup for cool catches and thrilling throws and looking mighty fine in the process.

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Baby Jesus

The battle between good and evil was revisited last week.  Baby Jesus, embodying all that is right and pure in the world versus Sit on my Base, the ancient and evil foe.  It was a back and forth game.  And by back and forth I mean they jumped on us in the first inning and led the entire way.  They smacked us around like we were Rhianna, it was pretty bad.  Just goes to show you that it really is okay to be evil.  It a bunch of folks can beat up a baby and not get any repercussions, think what you can get away with!One special note:  Mad props to Glen for recording an honest to goodness strikeout of Lisa in the game.  Boo yah!

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Relax and Let it Happen

Did the above picture make you yawn? If not, you could’ve watched us play Walk of Shame this week.

No offense, but here are 5 things that are more exciting than playing Live rules:

1. Standing in line at the DMV.
2. Playing Wii Tennis against a dog.
3. Raking leaves.
4. Pooping.
5. Awkward conversations with people you haven’t seen since high school.

With this being said, Walk of Shame did their best to make it entertaining. They are a veteran squad with a lot of polished players. I would love to see them play in the Capital league at some point, because they would be pretty good. We’d still dominate them, though. The game was tied at 1 after we played 5 innings (yawn) so we had to go into extras. At this point, our superior athletic ability and will to win enabled us to secure the victory. It was one of our best efforts, but a win is a win.

If you come to your senses and realize your pants are around your ankles and you have no idea where you are. Remember, relax and let it happen.

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Big LeBALLskis

This week was definitely a girl power kind of week! We had 6 girls and 4 boys and still managed to beat a good team, iKickballs.  Our valiant Captain was in Cleveland (that’s in Ohio) on business, and honestly it was a little scary without him…. But never fail The Big LaBALLski’s stepped up.  We came back in the bottom of the 4^th with a few great kicks and some aggressive base running. Good job you guys!! Moving on to flip cup… Total and utter DOMINATION.. as usual. Done and Done,  Over and Out, 4-10!

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 40 Bounces to Freedom

 

Costumers of the night!

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From your Live Prez….

I’m in beautiful Cleveland Ohio all week for work.  Fighting off a case of strep and a multi-day hangover from a bachelor party.  I do, however, have two beds in my hotel room and am pretty excited about the possibilities that might present later on in this week.  I won’t be at kickball this week which is only adding to my depression and desire to go chug a gallon jug of miracle whip while watching a golden girls marathon in the bathtub and juggling blow dryers.  That being said, I’ll keep this short.

1. Hope everyone had a great time last week.  Hope you played well. Hope you cupped some flips.  Do the same this week and then give a stranger a high five or something.
2. REFFING:  I know some of you have gotten steamed about calls made on the fields.  You guys have to remember that we are almost all VOLUNTEERS here staying on the fields and not going to the bar just so that we can make sure you get a good fair game.  We will not be perfect everytime but will work to make sure you don’t get robbed of a fair chance to have a great time.  IF you do have a complaint, make sure you let the captain know and have them talk to the ref.  If it is not resolved then, talk after the game and an appropriate action will be taken.  I’m sorry if anyone feels bad about the reffing at all.  I promise we want all of you to win.  Most of you, at least..
3. I won’t be there this week so it will be slightly less fun.  Everyone feed Cameron with some Guiness and tell him he’s a girly man.  The rest will take care of itself.

See you soon.  I miss you guys.  Have a great week.

- The Ninja

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From Capitol President Rock:

Capital Division,

Good afternoon and welcome to a little session of Rock talking sh** to everyone, but (I regret to say) Relax and Let it Happen.

Trust me, they will get their own one of these times on GMOT, however, until then yall get to hear it. We had two of our four teams lose to Live teams and a third give up the potential first loss of Relax. First for my team of degenerates…What the hell was that? I know the first inning you aren’t exactly “warmed up” or drunk enough (however you want to look at it), but come on. Maybe next week we should play one of the teams from the “Little Miss Kickball League” (average age of 12), then maybe we could actually beat up on someone like we got beat up on last week…just maybe. So this week if you start running laps around the field from some mysterious energy you have…its most likely from the adderall I put in each of your first beers. Just embrace it, concentrate cause you have no choice and remind Kickopotamus X  why we play in Capital. Team, I will start enforcing mandatory sprints after games Now on to the Capital team that I had put so much faith into…winning the first game against Freebasers, stressing out Liver Let Die, but losing in Live? I don’t know what happened exactly as I didn’t see the game, but you didn’t win and you let me down. Don’t think fanny packs make you some sort of all-star overnight…get yalls sh** together and give a good ol fashion ass kicking to Been There Balled That. We are Capital, they are haven’t balled a darn thing. Not to be rude or anything, but you can’t just get three runs in the first inning and think its over. Especially with a team like Relax and Let it Happen. What is amazing though is how they only had two players representing the Y chromosome out on the field; Richard Gray and Justin Grady. With some missing self proclaimed all-stars, Relax was forced to rely on Joey Thomas.  Standing at 6′ a lot, Joey Thomas may be the best female kickball player this sport has ever seen. With a wing span reaching nearly six and a half feet Joey is a dominating force that I reckon will set female kickball records to come.

Alright Capital, make a President proud and let’s win some games.

Thursday…sounds good?  Yall have a good one and see you at the fields.

Rock

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Hey Guys,

Another $123 in Jello Shots were sold in week 4, bringing the total amount sold this season to $699.  Weapons of Mass Consumption came through again purchasing more than 35 Jello Shots.  The Tyrannical Teabaggers also purchased more than 20.  Thanks to both of those teams for stepping up to the plate.

As for this week, I will not be at the games but Sloane from The Tyrannical Teabaggers will be filling in for me, so look for her as she will have the Jello Shot backpack.

Good luck this week!

Alaina
“Jello Shot Bartender”

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What up ballllllas!

As you may have noticed, recycling bins have been at the fields now for a couple of weeks! Mother Nature thanks you.. Just a heads up the bins need to be separated in terms of what’s in them — one is for cans (crush them on Cameron’s flame socks if you can) and the other is for plastic (jello shots, solo cups, etc). I shouldn’t see glass in them! (I’m looking at you.. yeah you…) But there are 400+ people in this league and I need your help.. what does this mean?

One time commitment… Use your truck.. You would have to remain at the fields (which you do anyways with your drinking “problem”). I would make sure the recycling bins would be collected and then we would drive them over in the bed of your truck to the recycling center not 10 minutes away. I would then thank you profusely. I can’t bribe you with sexual favors but I can find those that are willing to put out for Mother Nature. Beer is also in your future. I repeat one time only!!!

Please if you can, let me know, atroncoso24@gmail.com or text me at 703 -774-8018.

Thank you in advance!

Kisses and Revolution,

Drea

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Hello Flip-cuppers,

This week worked out sooo much better and most teams that came to play had a blast! I appreciate all the supportive comments and thanks to Drew for helping out with guest reffing this week.

We had two close games this week! Hannah Montana’s Sex Tape and XXX Men had a make-up game this week and it ended with a ton of yelling and garbage can banging that got the attention of most of the bar. XXX Men pulled it out and gave me a most memorable ending to call. Good job guys!! The other match was between “sister teams” Booze on First and Big LeBALLskis. It came down to the 2-2 tie and you could cut the anticipation with a knife. In the end, Grant and Big LeBALLskis got the win. Great games everyone!

Regular reminders for this week: Please get enough beer for your team before you get to the table. As always, I’ll be trying to keep the games going. Keep an ear out for me yelling out team names. I’m short, so you may hear me coming before you see me. Some teams are still behind in the scoring from week two. Just remember, when you play two games on the field, you’ll also have two matches at the table. The scores will all even out in time.

An extra note this week…I’m going to need some support and assistance the next two weeks to keep the games going. I have another 9:00 game in week 5, so I need someone to start up the games for me. Games should start around 8:30 so it would need to be someone with a 6:45 or 7:30 game. I will have the board written out and the cups will be bought before I get to the fields. Once I finish my game, I will head straight to the bar to finish the night up. If anyone would like to volunteer to help out, please email me at hayesjk2000@yahoo.com. See everyone on Thursday! As always, feel free to email me with any questions or comments.

Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…

~ Jen

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On on the fields…

TxLive Summer Standings

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Relax and Let it Happen

First off, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Justin Grady and I’m taking over the Relax write-ups while the great Mark Meroney a.k.a. Big Stacy takes the summer off. Many of you know me as the guy that, whenever he gets thrown out at first, teams celebrate as though they’ve just won the World Series, even though they’re down by like 10 runs. They celebrate because I’m fast and I’m black. It makes them feel strong and significant in the face of inevitable defeat.

But, considering our last win had nothing to do with me, I’ll have to bring my introduction to an end. The real story here is the guts that Relax and Let it Happen showed. We only had 3 girls (thanks Minnie), and a lot of our guys were playing out of position due to my injury and Jay’s vacation. Joey had to pitch for the first time, and he did a stellar job. We were playing last season’s runner-up, The Freebasers, and they were gunning to redeem themselves after their less than stellar performance in last season’s championship game. They did that by jumping out to a 3 run lead! Does anyone understand that that has never happened? But, we stayed true to our roots, and stayed relaxed. Three-time champions don’t fold when the going gets tough. They don’t bicker at each other and let negativity poison the camaraderie. They man (and woman) fuck up. And that’s what we did.

David set the tone for the comeback with his heroic tag up from third. He was playing with an almost partially torn groin muscle or something, so he could’ve half-assed it. He had made a small fielding error that allowed The Freebasers to score, so he could’ve been throwing a pity party. But he did none of that shit. Instead, he tagged up from third on a ball that was in the INFIELD and would’ve been thrown out had he not slid head first into a dangerous mixture of gravel, dirt, poop, and most importantly home plate. Katie, who had beautiful kicks all game, and played stellar SS scored on a tag up after that, and we closed the gap to 1 run.

They say defense wins championships, and frankly, that’s why we’re on our way to a fourth. Richard, Jennifer, Jim, and Minnie pounced on balls in the outfield like rabid pirahnas. Can pirahnas get rabies? I didn’t think so until I saw the speed and grace portrayed by our outfield. The infield didn’t make any mistakes after the second inning. Hunter was quick behind the plate even though he was drunk, Ty didn’t miss a ball at first, and Joey sliced and diced the strike zone like he worked at Benihana or something.

The next time we were up to kick, we got the bases loaded and scored two more runs to gain the lead. Shout out to Joey and Jim’s clutch kicks. The Freebasers gave us all that they had and I’m sure we’ll see them again, at which point we’ll beat them.

We showed a lot of guts out there, and I’m proud of my team. So, if you find yourself in a sticky situation and you’re not sure what to do. Remember to relax and let it happen.
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Baby Jesus

It’s amazing what can happen when you put everything together all at once.  Bacon and steak and cheese.  Beer and pretzels and peanuts.  Viagra and Crisco and leather.  Each thing individually is great, but everything together is magic.

Last week, Baby Jesus put it all together.  Blasting out a season high five runs through various methods and clamping down on the defense.  The Toe Blasters made us sweat, I think they had 16 guys kicking in a row at one point, but we got it done.

In an effort for consistency, we’ll do the exact same things this week.  So Sean, sorry, you need to stay away for the first inning then come back and make half the plays on defense.  Jenn, you need to forget how to run.  Glen, you need to mow down the kickers and leg out triples.  And Mike and Miya, um, I GUESS we can have y’all back this week, but if we start going south you might have to leave.

Hallelujah Amen.
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i KICK BALLS!

This week your local ball kickers got their first and much deserved win of the season.  An impressive 3-0 win over Smirkin Merkins got the Ballers in the win column and ruined a Detroit Lions-type imperfect season.  There were so many great plays from the game that we had to list them in a Top 10 (in no particular order):

10: Causing the first foul-outs of the season on a few of the Merkins elite guy kickers.
9: Bethany tripping over first base in a quazi attempt to celebrate her first hit of the season.
8: Steven taking time out while on the mound to take a drink of beer before shutting down the Merkins line up.
7: Jeremy catching three balls in one inning at third even after getting hit in the face pre-game by an errant kickball.
6: Brandon with a clutch catch in the outfield to kill a Merkins rally.
5: Emily scoring her first run of the season.
4: Kai winning rock, paper, scissors to start the game.
3: Rachel and Adam providing solid defense to help preserve the win.
2: T.J., Steven, and Tim (the new pitching trifecta) with a combined 5 hit shut out. No fault to Merkins…I don’t think they could probably even see the ball with the speeds these guys were throwing.
1: Sarah’s game winning two-run rbi single in the 1st. Who knew she’d be our clean-up kicker?

Look for i Kick Balls to continue this streak next Thursday, as they seem to have found their stride.  The season might be hitting the half way point with them at just 1-2-1.  However, the Ballers are starting to come together as a unit on and off the field.  And, because their good luck accessories worked so well, be sure to come out to the next game at Jaycee Fields in Zilker Park for Crazy Hat Night.  Not only will i Kick Balls be sporting hats, but they encourage their fans to show up with their craziest hats as well.  Be sure to call up the hot line for tickets at 800-kik-balls.  That’s it for this week, we’ll be back next week to see if they can make it two in a row!
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Things 40 oz. to Victory learned last week:

Sandy’s has frozen custard.
Having a 1, 2, 3 5th inning is boring.
You don’t catch with your face…well much.
Efficient base running is over rated.
Catching the ball is only fun if you have to run for it.
Mike’s spastic base running style works all too well.
Saying “I got it” means talking too much.
Like real estate, it’s all about location, location, location.
Scoring more than twice means making a commitment.
When Joe’s buying, we’re drinking.

We won! We’re having a contest with ourselves to see how long we can go undefeated while barely scoring at all. So far, it’s working out for us. Thanks again to Salim and Becky for making a heads up play to stop the Sexy Pitches’ 5th inning come back just as the tying run was rounding third. Another awesome game against another fun team!
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Freebasers

Sometimes the game can eat you alive. One minute you’re high on home plate, the next minute you’re getting robbed by a corner boy. This week, the Freebasers got a little taste of the whole package. We took a solid 3-0 lead on the depleted Relax, only to squander our high for the second week in a row. No excuses though. For the first time this season, we fielded a full team of fiends. Sometimes the addiction just isn’t strong enough. We got outplayed. Relax simply wanted the rock more than we did, and they out-fiended us to get it. What can you do. The game’s the game. Win or get got.

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And now, the highly anticipated…

Sit On My Base

There had been a lot of media hype leading up to last week’s – Sit On My Base/Walk Of Shame matchup.  Things had been said that were, frankly, below the standards of what we feel represents the best of who we are as a league and as people.  Sure, we may have beaten the pants off WOS 5-1, but we here at Sit On My Base don’t want to sink to our competitors’ level and fill this publication with negativity and slander.  That’s tacky.  Instead, we want to take some time out to talk about how great we are.  After all, it’s not just about winning on the field (which we did); it’s about winning off the field, too.  Let’s check in with some of our team members and see what they’ve been up to in the community…

Colin de los Santos

Colin, a former Rhodes scholar and six-time windsurfing champion, was recently honored for his work with developmentally disabled children of homeless Iraqi war veterans.  His non-profit organization, “One Lollipop Per Child, Please Don’t Ask For A Second” has helped distract dozens of children from their afflictions for up to five minutes.  At home, Colin splits his time between his downtown loft apartment and his private yacht, the U.S.S. Sit On My Base Will Kick Walk Of Shame’s Ass Every Time.  Colin is fit.  He’s beautiful.  He’s a winner.

Will Blair

Will is a man who needs no introduction.  His exploits as a world-renowned illusionist and helicopter rescue pilot are a matter of public record.  Recently, however, Will has shunned the limelight as the result of the mass hysteria and bacchanalian orgies that erupt whenever his hypnotically handsome face is shown fully to the public.  He chooses instead to focus on his work in philanthropy, including his recent “Ghetto Magic” campaign in which several city blocks of tenement housing for low-income families were changed overnight into a waterslide park for affluent teens.  Will is fit.  He’s beautiful.  He’s a winner.

Mark Colindres

As one of America’s premier putt-putt golf course designers, Mark is no stranger to bringing smiles to people’s faces.  But if you ask him what makes him smile, he’ll probably tell you about his recently opened women’s shelter.  It’s called “The Courtney Love Memorial Center for Women with Low Self-Esteem,” and is available to all women 18-35 years of age who wear a size six or lower.  Mark says of the Center, “It’s a place where troubled women can come to receive compliments and stiff drinks.  Whether they have daddy issues to work out, or need to feel attractive again if only for a night, this Center provides a harbor in the storm.  But they have to leave by 8:00 AM every morning ‘cause I have work.”  Mark is fit.  He’s beautiful.  He’s a winner.

Minnie Nguyen

As envoy for the United Nations Committee on Hunger, Minnie Ngyuen ended a century-long famine afflicting the Naihootoo Tribe of Karekumbi.  The sole heiress of the Ngyuen energy empire, her wealth, though kept secret from the public, is believed to be vast.  Her collection of rare naval vessels of the Civil War is unmatched in the world.  In 2003, Ngyuen opened the Ngyuener’s For Life non-profit organization.  Today, the NFL owns, funds, and operates, 47 children’s hospitals around the world.  From Compton to Cambodia, her mission is that all children receive the healthiest of starts in a world full of hate and petty three-season long rivalries.  Minnie Ngyuen, she’s trim, she’s trim, and she’s not a Ngloser.

Robert Short

Trial Lawyer, Green Energy Investor, and Concert Pianist, Rob Short wears many hats.  After sinking his life’s savings into the California start-up, Google, Rob decided to commit the rest of his life to his real passion:  American Sign Language.  Today, thanks to Rob and his organization the Project for the New American Sign Language Century, ASL is now being taught on every continent on earth.  From defendants to energy sources to late Romantic Works to new tech start-ups, to playing kickball, the skinny on Rob Short is this: like a winner, he only chooses winners.

Lisa Naeyaert

Lisa Naeyaert champions the rights of the homeless both in and out of the boardroom of General Electric.  Her annual “Sell the Cars I Bought This Year” Auction raised over $60 million dollars in 2008 alone.  Her controversial Hobo Heights in downtown San Francisco has moved over 5,000 homeless off the streets and into luxurious 2,000+ square foot condos fully-furnished and replete with imported marble floors, High Def Flat screen monitors, platinum hardware, and breathtaking views of the bay area.  Using tactical jets from her private collection, Lisa has flown 12 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Her unbridled, cavalier attitude and penchant for the color black has earned her the nickname among Coalition Forces: the Maverick-Batman.  Lisa Naeyaert, she’s a bad ass, she’s a trim ass, she’s a winner.

Wow.  Wasn’t that great?  The moral of the story is this:  Don’t talk shit to your betters in the GMOT.  They’re probably a bunch of smug assholes who will destroy you on the kickball field.  Lesson learned.

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The Walks really feel Florida Evans’s pain. Victory always seems one inning away against the players from Sit on My Base, yet somehow the last two meetings have gone their way. Oh well. Some folks think that maaaaybe I shouldn’t have posted the picture I posted last week. That it just “went too far.” That maybe I “woke up a sleeping giant.” Blashphemy! Sleeping Giants aside, we backed up that trash talk until the last inning. But unfortunately, not even the home run of my life, and our amazing luau, could save us from this defeat. We tried to take them out of their game and in the party spirit by getting them leis, but they were not fazed. I guess this is why they win championships. We can’t deny them that. They are a battle-tested bunch and we are still a bunch of young pups searching for 1st taste at the cup. We’ll get there, and we know we’ll have to go through them to do it. So have your jollies this week, you earned it, but you haven’t seen the last of us. And you know it. No matter what your GMOT column says this week about me and my smack-talk, you’ll have to see us again!! (With a full team, mind you. Just sayin’) But in all honesty, great game guys!

After the deflating loss, members of the Walks teamed up with our buddies from 40 Bounces (Not “Ounces,” you posers) to continue our luau. A great time was had by all of us, and we definitely want to do it again with you guys, perhaps when its slightly cooler out. Purple looks really good with rainbow colored leis. We must admit, but not as good as maroon. Oh and by the way, I really enjoy your colors this season over what you wore last season. Gross!

Big props to Chris, Louis, Kris, Karen, Mizzy, and the rest of the team for showing up in their Hawaiian attire. That was pretty badass. Somehow, Chris’s shirt was still tight. How do you do it, Slob? How do you do it? Everything you wear fits snuggly. Anyway, you still looked like a stallion. Oh and I loved, loved, loved, seeing you guys sip beer out of the glass with umbrella straws!!! Win or lose, you guys are the greatest team in the world to play with, and I wouldn’t trade you away for anyone…. Well except for Joey. Which brings us to our next opponent….

Oh Joey (#81), you look adorable. And we love that you used to wear maroon. It’ll make life really easy when you join the Walks after this week because we are finally going to show you that we are no pushovers. Don’t let our game against Sit on My Base fool you, we were winning, and we were playing down two people in the infield. And Jay, it’s Live rules, so that pitching arm you have will have to rest for a week. Roll that ball real slow down the center so Jorge and I can kick it to next week. And we know you guys are real, real quick but you can’t bunt. That could be a problem. Either way, we have absolutely nothing to lose in this game. I mean if you beat us, you’re supposed to right. I mean we are “little leaguers.” Vegas has you guys as 6 run favorites…. But as I’ve told you guys countless times…. We view you guys as Mike Tyson, and we are Buster Douglas and you know what happened then…. See y’all on the fields.

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Where My Pitches At?

This past week the Pitches went up against the Teabaggers, and it was a great game…There was a bit of confusion as to number of innings played (the rum might be to blame for that)..but it all was worked out. Kudos to the teabaggers on the win.

During the game several of the “Pitches” were blinded by the red glitter emanating from our substitute pitcher, Kevin “the ginge” McMyler.
So much so… that there was almost a collision on second base due to the blinding effects of the red glitter. Perhaps shades will help shield the Pitches from ‘the ginge’s’ awesomeness this week.

We might have lost, but the Pitches definitely weren’t feeling any pain afterwards..thanks to the lovely drink specials at Jovita’s..Our livers were definitely not speaking to us on Friday.

The Pitches are coming back with a vengeance (and even more rum) this week..so watch out!

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Dear Merks:

Congratulations on our first NON-LOSS!  We warmed up against iKickballs and their capital level pitcher who will be forever known as hair band.  Then, all warmed up, put dunder UNDER SEIGE. Tragically we couldn’t totally keep it together and only tied… but still! T is better than L in the grand scheme of things. After the game, we continued our debauchery… flipped cups until the lights shut off, grilled delicious burgers of delight using our newer bigger more fabulous grill, gave minors alcohol, then drove to the bar in reckless abandon. Once there we kicked some red teams a$$ in cups and continued the drink-down.  See the “picture find” game below. That will give you a good idea of what our night was like.

Shout outs to Megan “sweet shorts” Lundy and Joe “Wipeout” Young who both ate dirt in significant ways. Way to bleed for the team guys. Jason & Manny – You continue to amaze me with your athletic prowess. Baines – Greased lightning. Seriously. Calysta – pitching impeccable as always. Rachel – BEST CHEERLEADER EVER (Can’t wait to see the merkin!!) Sabrina – Amazing third out. Way to hug that ball like it was a third breast. Amy – for a lot of refreshing beers. Tina – late show up was key. We were almost understaffed (in a team of 18? Yes, really). To Ina Spokas, for playing with a broken hand.  Bonehead moves of the game go to Catnip McCaskey “Which runner do I tag out?” and everyone who doesn’t call that goddamn ball. Not bitter.

Yours in faux hair down there,

Kelly

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Booze On First

And now for something completely different… our writeup in video and pictures. It only seemed suiting for such a badass costumed game.. Love you forever LeBALLskis!

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Big LeBALLski’s

Let’s keep this short and simple:

1. Costumes make everything better.
2. Mark makes a convincing regular to the Cockpit.
3. Pirates + Pitchers = Domination
4. Construction workers can ball.
5. We love booze on first.
6. Home run with baby in tow.
7. Chase can jump a mile.  Not kidding.

Add it all up and what do you get:   UNDEFEATED.  Andre, get ready for that skirt, big guy.

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