So week 5 was a success!! Thank you so much to Miss Kelly Stocker for helping us get the games started this week while I played my 9:00 game! Everyone looked like they were having a great time…including me who had a few more than usual…
Referee’s picks of the week: XXX Men vs 40 Bounces to Freedom!! Bounces started off strong with a 2-0 lead, but then the porno-heroes of WAKA won three in a row for an exciting “come from behind”!! Hee hee… couldn’t resist…
So…ALAS! I will be missing kickball this week. I’m attending a “Digital Self Defense” (anti-hacking) conference in Vegas and I won’t be back until the wee hours of Friday morning. I’ll try to head to O’Sheas and flip a few cups for my Austin kickballers. I have full confidence in my fellow board members in my absence. If you would like to lend a hand to rotate out with other refs as needed, please contact Lacy our GMOT editor. If you have any comments or concerns, you can contact me at my email listed on the website. See you all in Week Seven!!!
Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…
Tx Live Summer 2009 Standings
Week 5 has come and gone and the XXX-Men are still winless in kickball (no, we’re not counting that forfeit as a win; apparently, the TxLive Standings aren’t counting it either). Regardless, we put up a valiant effort this week as we entered into a double-header vs. the 40s: 40 Bounces to Freedom and 40 Ounces to Victory. After being shut out 3-0 in the first game, the XXX-Men rebounded to start the second game with two runs in the first inning, thanks to a kick by Shadowclit and some awesome base running from SliceMan and Professor XXX. Sadly, a win was not to be as there were some errors on offense and defense, leading to a 3-2 loss. Nonetheless, Professor XXX, SliceMan, Shadowclit, Moneyshot, Creamy Cat, Whore Path, Sabrecooch, Archanal, Rhogue, Dickpool, Cocklossus, and Lady Breastrike all put on admirable performances and had one hell of a time doing it (PUN INTENDED). Besides, we’ve found a new passion in life…
Ever since we got pantsed by Baby Jesus, 3-0, Week Two in Flip Cup, it has been our team mission to built the most excellent Flip Cup team Austin has ever seen. Flip Cup masters Weapon Sex and Archanal brought novices Shadowclit, Lady Breastrike, Creamy Cat, and Dickpool under their wings to show them the way. We pulled our mutant sex powers together to realize that all Flip Cup requires is two basic sex skills: please a gent, then gently please a lady. Gender equality, FTW! Since then, the XXX-Men have gone UNDEFEATED in Flip Cup, shutting out “Bobcats, Pumas, and Dogs” in Week 4 and “40 Ounces to Victory” in Week 5. We had two battles to the bitter end with our BFFs “Hannah Montana’s Sex Tape” and “40 Bounces to Freedom”, having to come back from an 0-2 deficit from the latter match-up (thank you to Sweet Cheeks from HMST and Jen for cheering us on!).
Fun fact: Week 5 XXX-Men scores for kickball – 0-3, 2-3; scores for flip cup – 3-2, 3-0. All balances out, wouldn’t you say?
SEX MUTANT FREEDOM NOW!
Love, the XXX-Men
What a game. Our best yet! Think it might have been the hats, but we may never know (until next game).
MVP of the game – the guy at Jovita’s who saved our team $1000 in towing fees! You will forever be an honorary member of iKickballs!
Marvin the Martian & Sheriff Tim’s killer pitches.
The entire defensive lineup for cool catches and thrilling throws and looking mighty fine in the process.
Relax and Let it Happen
Did the above picture make you yawn? If not, you could’ve watched us play Walk of Shame this week.
No offense, but here are 5 things that are more exciting than playing Live rules:
1. Standing in line at the DMV.
2. Playing Wii Tennis against a dog.
3. Raking leaves.
5. Awkward conversations with people you haven’t seen since high school.
With this being said, Walk of Shame did their best to make it entertaining. They are a veteran squad with a lot of polished players. I would love to see them play in the Capital league at some point, because they would be pretty good. We’d still dominate them, though. The game was tied at 1 after we played 5 innings (yawn) so we had to go into extras. At this point, our superior athletic ability and will to win enabled us to secure the victory. It was one of our best efforts, but a win is a win.
If you come to your senses and realize your pants are around your ankles and you have no idea where you are. Remember, relax and let it happen.
This week was definitely a girl power kind of week! We had 6 girls and 4 boys and still managed to beat a good team, iKickballs. Our valiant Captain was in Cleveland (that’s in Ohio) on business, and honestly it was a little scary without him…. But never fail The Big LaBALLski’s stepped up. We came back in the bottom of the 4th with a few great kicks and some aggressive base running. Good job you guys!! Moving on to flip cup… Total and utter DOMINATION.. as usual. Done and Done, Over and Out, 4-10!
40 Bounces to Freedom
Can you solve the puzzle above?
Booze on First
Well played team! The 9pm games are a challenge on so many levels. You’re supposed to stay sober enough to kick home runs and make all the catches. Right. It’s kickball. With Thursday happy hours and the end of the work week in sight we’re well into our first six-pack or a few margaritas by then.
First up to bat and first man down is Jake. Sorry ‘bout the shoulder. It’s a pity, too, because it was a perfect kick and he would have been safe. Unfortunately Jake’s legs outran the rest of his body and he stumbled onto his arm dislocating his shoulder. Luckily our coach had those special pills to make the pain bearable and flip cup possible for him.
The game got a little scary when Kickopotototoissusss…. (sp) charged back to take a 4-3 lead. However, our defense shut them down and we made some impressive offensive plays and had some great pitching to take the win.
We are starting to get some fabulous offense rolling. I like it. Offensive players of the game –> Kealey and Justin. Best catch goes to Denise. John is still waiting for his first catch. No one has been brave enough to kick it to him. I dare you!
In what could be billed as the biggest interleague pissing contest in WAKA history, Walk of Shame squared off against it’s foes from the Capital division, Relax…And Let it Happen. This was the epic first encounter of these two teams. Both teams have been in the league the same number of seasons but never crossed paths until now. And it was more than worth the wait. Many teams heard the screams from miles away. That was Dre trying to will his team to the improbable victory. And he almost did. The Walks showed absolutely no fear from the very beginning, playing probably their best defensive game all season long. Frustrated was an understatement to describe the looks on the faces of the Relaxatives, as Kelly from Smirkin’ Mirkins has coined them. They were in utter disbelief in seeing the effort that Shame was shelling out. Relax could not kick the ball, seemingly, anywhere without it being caught. By the 3rd inning the looks on the faces of Relax turned from shock to concern. There was no more smack talk. It was pure silence. They were worried, and it showed. They refused to even play their 1994 rap music on their radio. (Pumps and a Bump!!) They had no runs, and no answers. By the end of the 5th inning, both teams had managed to each throw a run on the board. At the end of regulation, Relax was pushed to their first ever tie-game, by a team that Joey said they would beat “81-13”. The referee (who also doubles as the president of Capital division) forced the hand of the Walk of Shame captain and made both teams play a tournament style extra inning. Each team was only allowed 8 players. 4 girls and 4 guys. This kind of tie breaker is usually only reserved for playoffs, but at the end of the night it was Relax who stood tall, winning the game 4-2.
To cover up their fear of losing some members of Relax kept saying things like, “This game is so boring…” It should be noted that there were over 5 other teams watching this game unfold and not one of them, except for the light blue team playing, thought it was boring (The Walks took a straw poll). Walk of Shame agrees partially, it is boring when you cant run up the score and beat up on everyone. We would hate playing us too. The Relaxatives pointed to the fact that the Live rules are boring, and uninteresting. However, 23 other teams in the league disagree with you. Actually, only 3 other teams in the league share your sentiment. So oh well. Members of Walk of Shame shared their thoughts about the game afterwards….
Jorge says: Our defense came through, but they are a great team. They are great sports. Shit was said, but we left everything on the field.
Drea says: I thought the game was very well played. I would have rather taken the tie and left it at that, as I was not part of the ultimate pissing contest known as “the game”. I still think we put up a great defense and everyone on our team is to be commended for their stellar efforts.
Kris says: I didn’t drink enough beer. By the way, since they didn’t beat us in regulation, is Joey playing on our team now? Ruling, please? (Cameron?)
Ethan says: Tie or no tie, it was a great game between two teams stacked with upstanding gentlemen and virtuous ladies. An unfortunate miscommunication may (or may not) have prevented Jorge from finishing the champs off with an in-the-park homer, but either way we came close and have a lot to be proud of. Cheers to Relax for playing the game on our terms, and to our fielding squad for an immaculate defensive effort.
Chris says: I caught 7 balls, and I scored the only run in regulation. I think I should I should clone myself 10 times.
Louis says: They have hot girls.
Dre says: We, too, have hot girls. And we can’t take anything away from them, they’re the champs. But we definitely played just as good as they did today. I love my team more than anything. I think we are ready for anything now. If we play that way each week, we will be hard for any team to handle. Just ask Relax. Now, bring on Baby Jesus!
The Walks do want to take the opportunity to thank Relax for playing us and playing with Live rules. One day, we may even return the favor by playing to a tie with Capital rules. It was a really, really good game. Your team has some great players, and we thinkk you’ll kill it out there in Vegas. And if we didn’t think you guys were anything less than the best team in this entire league, we wouldnt have volunteered to play you and I wouldn’t have been screaming so much. And, we are always open for a rematch. Do you dare play with fire a second time?
40 oz. to Victory
40 oz. to Victory continued their low runs scored, less runs allowed approach to kickball. The XXX-Men had just got done playing a game and started the first hungry, gnawing at our defense and booting the ball all over the field. We were lucky to escape down by two and hit the sidelines to nurse our wounds. We started the second, got a couple runners on base and got them home with a stealthy kick towards the right field line. Overcome with relief that we tied it up, we stranded a couple more runners and headed towards the bottom of the second. The 40oz’ers played some solid D and then couldn’t muster much on the top of the third. In the bottom of the third, the 40 oz.’ers had their biggest scare of the season so far. The XXX-Men got a couple runners on and looked poised to repeat their first inning. Richard came up huge yet again, robbing a kick to right field and running in to tag first base for the unassisted double play. We rejoiced by failing to make any noise on the top of the fourth and shutting down the XXX-Men in the bottom. In the top of the fifth we got a runner on and moved him over while running up a couple outs. Finally, we got what we were waiting for in a big boot to the outfield and another runner across the plate. We’d finally broke past the scoring 2 runs a game habit and kicked in our 3rd run of the game. We took a couple precautions and subbed in some of our more defensive minded players for the bottom of the fifth. The fifth started with a quick out, followed by a XXX’er reaching first. This caused the 40 oz’ers to sweat a bit. We quickly recovered though and put down the second and third outs to mark this one in the win column.
After the game, we celebrated the XXX-Men at the bar and introduced ourselves. They were a great team to play, lots of fun to hang out with and really great people. We won’t talk about the total annihilation we received in flip cup though.
It sure took long enough. Sometimes the sweet nectar of victory hits your veins the moment you inhale. Sometimes it takes two games to get that high. Unfortunately for this crew of freebasers, it took four games to get high on the win column. Yes, quite pathetic. But we did it. We got our first victory of the season.
What’s crazy is that we’ve scored exactly 3 runs in every game so far. Fortunately, that was enough this past week. Of course, we were playing a team from the Live division, where recreational kickball use is preferred over the hard-core, skin-scratching, cold-sweating, steal from your mother, rob from your neighbor type of kickball fiending that we represent in the Capital division. But while the competition wasn’t as fierce, a win is still a win.
As much as we love bunting, it was fun to just swing away for a game. Everyone did their part early so we could all chase imaginary penguins the rest of the game. BP and EZ held it down in the field, snatching up every fly ball this side of the moon. Fresh off his two week “business trip” with Serbian war criminals, Bayless played like a true basehead. Leigh flew round the bases on her way home with bird-like speed, and LG pulled out her old gymnastics moves from elementary school to avoid being pegged by big red on her way to first base.
All in all, a good outing. Now back to Capital rules for revenge on My Pitches.
The game’s the game. Win or get got.
First off, $1 tequila shots + $1 margaritas = bad news for the Teabaggers. Glorious, true…but still, bad news. We came out of the gates staggering and slow, giving up a quick couple of runs to those Sexy Pitches. They deserve some serious credit though, using a combination of well-placed kicks to the backside and good baserunning on some defensive breakdowns to take the early lead. The view was not as pretty from behind, and some in-team bickering began, not sure exactly what that was about; it could have been our defensive miscues, but more likely it involved something about Dre’s mom’s weekend plans…
Anyhow, back to the game. We pulled it all together in the next few innings, putting up a couple crooked numbers to take the lead and add another tick to the W column. After making sure Sloane sold all the jello shots and watching Walk of Shame get robbed by a surprising foray into regular season overtime… ahemBULLSHITahem…. we made our way to the bar for flip cup where we kept our resurgent streak alive with another win. We’re coming for you Baby Jesus.
And remember, don’t hate us because we win. Hate us because we teabag your ass.
We lost. Then we got drunk and played with fire. Then we drank more at the bar and wore our merkins on our chests to show solidarity.
Cheers to Rachel for vowing to wear a thong outside her clothes as a merkin,
to Joe for having a cool girlfriend and for trying his hand at pitching,
to Ina for playing with a cast,
to whomever scored,
to Sabrina for being diligent about the photography jams,
to Manny for wearing a double blonde merkin on his head at the bar,
to Todd for keeping true to his catnip nickname, including humping his dog,
to Calysta for saving Todd from the kitties,
to that girl who rubbed meat all over her face (and her pants?) in an attempt to be seductive,
to Darren for being sh!thammered before the game even began and still managing to play very well,
to my foolish brain for forcing me to dive for a ball and miss it,
to all the flip cuppers who were completely awesome and cleaned up the table btwn rounds,
to Ken (also known as husband) for being hilarious,
to Sean for shittalking his own team instead of the other and routinely kicking fly balls,
to Amy for trying to limit the number of jello shots we drank and failing again, and
to Jennifer for taking some time away from an insane work sched to play.
I love you all. Let’s make out.
“cheers, tap, drink”
WHere My Pitches At?
After some extra innings, and a hard fight by both teams…we ended up tied 4-4. So congrats to both teams..Not to dwell, but the tie could’ve been due to a few iffy calls by Mr. Magoo, err Prez Logue. But we won’t give him too much shit for not paying attention to our game. His mind was obviously elsewhere, probably working on his next routine for his part-time job at La Bare. But that’s mildly disturbing and off topic.. so, back to the game.
It was also a delight to watch Relax & Let It Happen play extra innings..Most of the ‘Pitches’ stayed behing to cheer Andre’s team on against Relax.
This week the Pitches are packing heat along with awesomeness and aren’t taking no for an answer. The infamous fannypack won’t be there this week, but rest assured it’ll be back soon.
Jovita’s was a huge success again, thanks to the lovely margaritas +drink spesh’s’ and the courteous blue hairs….
FYI, apparently they don’t appreciate being called “blue hairs”..just for future reference.
I challenge all the ‘Pitches’ to out-flair each other in my absence, and bring it to the field and flip cup this week.
Little photo montage, courtesy of tequila…
See yall Thursday!