Great week of games everyone! We had lot’s of exciting matchups, flip-cup in the park, dance parties and a weekend tournament for the books. Read on for a special edition of “Game of the Year” and hear a clip of Bobby Bones and his crew discussing losing to our own WAKA players this weekend!
Well congrats kickball peeps. This Thursday will be the last Thursday of the regular season. I know what you’re thinking… Please, Ninja, don’t let kickball be over. Don’t you guys worry. We got playoff’s coming up and because we like ALL of you so much. You will all be included. Look forward to a schedule for that. But I’d plan on some of you playing next Thursday and then the rest playing Saturday the 22nd. A little birdie told me that. I was on drugs. It was awesome.
So just in case you’ve been coasting through this season and not paying attention to anyone or anything, as many of us are so inclined to do, I thought I would give you some lessons you should have learned from this wonderful thing we call WAKA kickball:
1. When in doubt, pack more brew. I mean, I know that we got an attractive group of kickballers, but it never hurts to add an extra lens to those beer goggles you got workin.
2. The Ref’s are your friends. I don’t even feel bad admitting that I leaned one way on a call because someone liked my write up last week. Hey, be nice to us and we will be nice to you. Unless you are an official Waka rep, in which case, I am always unbiased and perfect. For real though, it helps to be cool with us. We love you guys.
3. Write something for the Gmot. I mean, pressure other teams to do it, because I’m assuming if you read this that you do your part. It’s a great way to talk trash, keep in touch, waste time at work, and all other things. Also, go find that girl that plays for “Booze on first.” Dark Brown Hair, or is it black… Anywho, that is Lacy, she does the Gmot and she should get an award for that trash.
4. Pegging: Not always the best option. You know the big plays happen on overthrows and missed pegs right? Always way your options and remember that the pitchers mound is your friend.
I know I got some more wisdom in there for you but you’ll have to find me on the fields this week and I’ll give it to you then (TWSS). Here’s looking to a good week with some good games. Oh, and come root on Big Leballski’s at 8:15 and make Dre wear a skirt next week. You’re not going to want to miss that.
Have You Seen Me???
I used to turn in writeups (way freaking late) as the President of Capital. Answers to the name “grandma with a douchebag hat.” (see Bobby Bones radio show segment below) Have I gone off the deep end??? Have I turned to the dark side?? Yelling obscenities on the sidelines (like Jay Russell) and snorting what I’m hoping is drugs??
We, the fans of the GMOT miss your enlightening (not even) writeups containing what some may think to be far more I’s, Me’s, and My’s than what is kosher.. Come back from your writer’s block!
Bobby Bones Tourney CHAMPS!
Once again, the brave and valiant warriors of WAKA came together from their scattered teams and stepped outside our happy family to spread the gospel of kickball to the unwashed masses. After a harrowing loss in the finals of the winners bracket, we responded and won three straight, the last two over the arch nemesis that is Bobby Bones and captured the tournament. Props are in order to the players.
Aimie: Kicking cleanup all day, driving in runs with an upset stomach. Let’s not forget sliding into second and injuring yourself (the Clay Logue play) when we were up 10 runs.
Kari: Stellar defense right up the middle, kept turning over the offense AND lodged two homeruns. She’s kind of a big deal.
Anne: Recorded the final out of the tournament, scored a boatload of runs. Also kept her streak of getting hit in the face alive, well done.
Allie: Leadoff kicker extraordinare. I think you batted about .950. My bad getting you doubled off.
David: Making his tourney debut, caught everything in a three-zipcode radius. More importantly, kept Jay and Joey MARGINALLY in check. Huge accomplishment.
Grant: The other rookie on the squad, 2nd best walk up music. Would have had another rbi but I have no ups.
Jonah: Consumate pro. Lefty power, great on defense, running, drinking.
Josh: Flashing the wheels on defense and defense, coaching everyone up on the base paths.
Justin: 317 putouts in center field. Bobby Bones’ team was calling you the MVP before the game was even over.
Jay: Yeah you filled in at pitching and kicked well and made some laser throws from 3rd base to get outs that we had no business getting. What have you done for me lately?
Joey: Brought the big leg, the hands, the Cabo Wabo. Most impressively, nailed Lunchbox Dan when he took the big turn from 3rd. Priceless look on his face.
Honorable mention to Ryan who didn’t even play but still managed to get bashed and called out on a syndicated radio show. That’s impressive.
Final score in seven games: WAKA 51, everyone else 16.
Thanks to everyone who came out and supported us and everyone who played. It was a blast and I’m looking forward to the next tourney so we can share kickball with others.
For your entertainment, Bobby Bones gives a shout out to WAKA Kickballers… kinda: (Scroll down to”Kickball” podcast)
First, I would like to thank Sloane from the Teabaggers for selling jello shots while I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago. Everyone said she did a great job! Second, We have broken $1000, YAY! Jello shot sales have raised over $1000 for the Town Lake Animal Shelter. I am so excited that we are going to be able to give them so much at the end of the season. Third, so many of our teams have been stepping up and purchasing jello shots… but the big spenders are still Weapons of Mass Consumption and the Smirkin Merkins, so congrats to both of those teams for consistently getting wasted. Just in case you are wondering it is perfectly ok to have more than 10 jello shots. I personally had more than 15 two weeks ago and everything turned out ok.
I try to make it to all of the games to sell jello shots but the last couple weeks I have been finding myself stuck under the tree. So if I don’t make it over to your game, come find me under the tree. I’m the brunette with the awesome Jello Shot backpack and black and white striped socks!
See ya at the fields,
Jello Shot Bartender
The transition from Jovitas to the fields went fairly well this week. I’ve received a ton of positive feedback and everyone seemed to be really excited about playing on the fields. I even had a larger turnout this week because some of the teams that don’t normally play at the bar showed up in full force. Look for me again after your games this week!
Referee pick of the week: Sexy Pitches vs Weapons of Mass Consumption. Daniel and Jason brought two well matched teams to the table. The game was all tied up and both teams decided to do a full-cup anchor match to decide the game. WOMC was ahead when Jason started chugging his cup of beer, but then out of nowhere Mila the birthday girl slammed down her beer and flipped the Sexy Pitches to victory! I haven’t seen a girl chug like that since Ashley won the chug-off for YLLINAD last season! You go girl!!
Regular reminders for this week: Please make sure to bring enough beer to your games to play flip cup with after, or make sure and run to the corner store to get some more after your game is over. I’m not really keeping by the schedule exactly. Whenever both teams get teams together with enough beer, then we’ll start ya! See you all on Thursday!
Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…
On the field…
And now, the highly anticipated…
Game of the Year
Game of the week never made an appearance this season, so we’ll make up for the previous seven weeks with a game of the YEAR column. You’ve heard the rumors building up to this one. An innocent prank involving one player shaving another player’s back degenerated into acts of revenge, culminating with one team kidnapping the other team’s pet goats. Now it will finally be settled on the kickball field. Winner gets bragging rights, fame and groupies with questionable morals. Loser gets humiliated, mocked and booed off the field. And did I mention the losing Captain will be wearing a skirt?
With that in mind, I asked each Captain some questions leading up to the contest. Here are their answers. Read thoroughly and place your bets accordingly.
On the bet itself: What possessed you to bet on “the loser wears a skirt” as opposed to a more traditional bet like “the loser washes and waxes the winner’s car while wearing a bikini and high heels?”
Grant McClendon: “I think the skirt bet was more appropriate for this bet because of the possible reactions that it will ensue. Anyone can wear bikinis and heels. And Andre does just that on a regular basis. I wanted to give him something new to do. Also… I’ve noticed some lovely ladies around the league and wanted to give them a treat. That treat will be some nice, chocolate man thighs sticking out for all of creation to see. You’re welcome, ladies.”
Andre Rodgers: “I’m a gambler. I’m halfway to being the next Charles Barkley. I needed help in making these games more interesting. What better way than to risk a man’s dignity? We are both grown men playing kickball, so I figure we didn’t have too much of it left to lose anyway. And truth be told, you don’t want to see my tummy hanging out of a bikini. I saved the league a lot of vomit. You’re welcome by the way.”
On last week’s results versus season result: “What is more important, overall record, which favors (Big LeBALLskis) or the momentum from last week, which favors (Walk of Shame)?”
GM: “You know, I would say that our overall record is more important. We lost to the team that won the Texas Cup. I think we have played well against them in the past and I really wanted to challenge my team and see what they have. Now that we know we have the goods to put up a season, we can work on the things we didn’t do well last week and come with a team that is sure to WIN this week.”
AR: “Momentum. Duh. They lost to Relax, and it wasn’t close. They may be questioning themselves. I know exactly what they are going through and it’s hard to get out of that rut. If they don’t, Grant is going to be dressed like a whore.”
On last week’s game: Grant’s question: ”Last week you suffered some injuries and had to bribe players from other teams with promises of child pornography (LaceFace) and a Russian mail-order bride (A. Steiny.) Will you have a full team tonight and what will you use to motivate your players?”
GM: “We’re coming with a full team to rock your face off this week. My guys and gals are hungry. I have starved them for weeks in anticipation of this game. I have put a Zoolander-esque trance upon them that says destroy balls thrown by large black men. While I know this is a good e-thought at all times, they will be more hungry and more ready for blood than ever. Literally. I want at least one of my guys to bite them.”
Andre’s question: “Last week you finally showed some of that Walk of Shame circa Winter 2009 with a late rally to win the game. What’s been different this season and why have you sucked up to this point?”
AR: “We haven’t just sucked this year, we’ve sucked ass. But that’s ok. I think we were trying too hard to make everything go right. We weren’t playing as loose as we normally do, and it showed. After we lost to Baby Jesus, we went and threw a Thug Night party. We jumped a guy. And we felt way better. We then went out and beat Dunder. We’re coming back around.”
On their common opponent: “You guys played Relax much closer than they did. But they beat Sit on my Base. Can you talk about how much better your team fared against Relax and ignore the results from the Sit on my Base game?”
AR: “I was hoping you would ask that question. There is something to be said for pushing the best in the league, possibly the nation, to a 1-1 tie after 5 innings. And Relax was lucky to have a tie after those 5 innings. And they know it. We won’t talk about the unfair tiebreaker. Grant’s team wasn’t even close to scoring against Relax. I’m not even sure if they ever left the field last Thursday. They may be out there right now still dancing.”
On Walk of Shame’s biggest weakness: “Walk of Shame has a history of choking in crucial spots. Do you have a specific strategy in mind to play to that weakness in their game?”
GM: “Funny you should mention WoS and choking. Not really sure what it has to do with this. But I’m sure they do that. A lot. I’d say that when they start choking we will pounce on them like Richard Simmons on a young helpless male. Except we won’t fondle them, we will just kick lots of runs.”
Any last words to the other team?
GM: “Maroon is the color of bloody poop.”
AR: “Their pitcher is their best player, hands down. It’s true. She can do it all. Run, jump, pitch, kick, and possibly model. She’s that talented. But it takes having players like Kris, Louis, Slob, Mizzy, Cindy, Drea, Jorge, and Karen to make some real noise in this league.”
There you have it folks. No love lost between these two. Will the LeBALLskis rebound and enter the playoffs on a high note? Or will Walk of Shame really spring the upset this time and spare us all the sight of Dre in an XXXL miniskirt? Be sure to come early and stay late Thursday to find out.
Ok so Limo riding and Whis-quila shots took over our kickball prowess but we recovered in time for a Flip Cup shutout over the 40 Bounces to Freedom! BTW: Where was everybody?? ….not at Jovita’s for post game!
Another weak-fiended turnout for the Freebasers last week, although with a much more potent outcome. A whopping six baseheads showed up for the game, but thanks to a lenient opponent and a generous motley crew of substitute addicts, we fielded a full team worth playing with. Thanks to everyone who stepped up and helped a wobbly-kneed team of fiends in need of a fix. We couldn’t have done it without y’all. And thanks to Liver Let Die for letting us pick up the extra corner boys.
Playing Liver is always a pleasure. Good friendly competition and trash talking. This week’s game epitomized the difference between Live and Capital rules. It was a defensive stalmate all the way, but we were high enough to snort up a few runs to support some solid pitching and clutch fielding from all. Good stuff all around.
The game’s the game. Win or get got.
Another close game against a very respectable 0-6 team, you guys are much better than the record shows. Sporting a lackluster ugly shirt turnout, iKickballs got down in the first inning. The xxxmen had a speedy and solid hitting top of the order that got them off to a 1-0 start along with Adam’s best interpretation of Bill Buckner in the 1986 World Series (Look it up if you aren’t a Mets fan, or weren’t alive then). The dust bowl that existed between 2nd and 3rd base didn’t help matters much.
But our team has become known for great defense and comebacks. In what was the 3rd inning, i believe, we mounted our comeback and Adam made amends. Kris got a hit and eventually moved over to 3rd, with help from Brandon and Carly, where Adam drove him in. Adam later scored on a kick from Rachel or Drake, not sure. These are the facts I have, so if I’m wrong, be sure to berate me at the next game, and I’ll buy you a beer…the dust may have seeped into my brain. We had some other decent scoring opportunities, but weren’t able to finish.
We had awesome displays of speed and acrobatics from Chris our 40 drinking CF, great catches from Jeremy, our 40 drinking 3B. Some dynamic combo plays from sister Emily and little-big brother Kai that only siblings could have. Carly did a great job as volunteer catcher, confirmed by T.J., who did not yell at her.
We shut down the last inning with some more solid pitching by T.J.’s hair, an amazing catch by Emily, who claimed it hurt her boobs, another spectacular grab from Jeremy and a final catch by Kai, who prophesied his catch before they even kicked it.
Another tough flip cup loss that came down to the final. The better we get at kickball, the worse we are doing at flip cup. Can the two not co-exist? Come back next week to find out.
Special thanks to Kai and Emily’s Dad, who unknowingly provided most of the ugly shirts.
Those who don’t change are doomed to become extinct. We’ve taken that to heart with Baby Jesus. This season, we’ve spent our time playing four fantastic innings and one awful one. Last week, we decided to turn that on its head and play four sub-par innings with one really awesome one. It’s all about evolution, er, creationism.
We only did it with ten players too. Jen was kidnapped in Costa Rica, Sean was suffering from sugar withdrawal, Mike was deported to Canada and Colin was trapped in the closet. We held on the defense for three innings, but in the bottom of the 4th the Dawgs broke through with great kicking and artful dodging on the basepaths. Things looked grim.
Miya, waiting for a neck transplant, started with a single. Glen hadn’t played in two weeks and has some anger issues anyway and he kicked the ball to Barton Springs. Chris got on and with two outs, Kia brought home two runs. Clutch. Then we gave back one run and had the bases loaded with one out, but turned two to end it.
So this is what a winning streak feels like…
We whooped em so bad they didn’t even want to play us in flip cup…. 11-2 😉
Relax and Let it Happen
By beating two teams that never really gave us any competition, we have officially won our 4th consecutive regular season championship. It feels great to be a member of one of the greatest dynasties in recreational sports history. Our dynasty is like the Zhou Dynasty of China and the Roman Empire, because we execute bitches and we build roads to victory.
Those games weren’t as intense as what happened after our 2nd victory of the night, where we celebrated like real champions would…with a dance-off. Some say it was fueled by emotion. Some say it was fueled by beer. And then some people say it was fueled by the kickball gods, who get off by watching us play. Whatever it was fueled by, it was magical, and for those watching it, orgasmic. We shook and gyrated our hot, sweaty, and athletic bodies to the beat like our lives depended on it. We formed a circle, and we all took turns dancing in the middle. Shout out to Jennifer who took it up a notch with her Kerri Strug-like cartwheel in the middle of the dance circle. Not too many people can fall as graceful as her. And not too many people can pop, lock, and drop it like Nicole. She can run fast, but she can shake it faster. During the celebration, Whitney and Katie let loose their inner love for ladies, and couldn’t help but dance with each other and with Nicole. Shannon, whose boyfriend was present, kept it as clean as possible when she shook it on the dance…grass, and tried not to laugh at the aforementioned boyfriend’s moves.
We play The Freebasers this week, one of our arch-nemesis. It’ll be fun to play a team who has the ability to challenge us.
So, for all of you who hate us, love us, or are somewhere in between, you should just get to know us off of the field, and then relax and let it happen.
XXX-Men are still in the basement in the TxLive Kickball Standings, but we had our best showing Week 7 against iKickballs, losing only 1-2. The following players made an appearance: (top row L-R) WhorePath, Archanal, Girl Rider, Crotch Storm, SliceMan, (middle L-R) Creamy Cat, Moneyshot, Weapon Sex, (bottom L-R) Shadowclit, Sabrecooch, Lady Breastrike.
Highlights of Kickball Game:
Great catches: Bi-Curious Clops with two pop ups to right field, Lady Breastrike at supershort catching with her neck, and SliceMan catching a line drive inches off the ground
Base kicks: Archanal (scored only run), Shadowclit, Moneyshot, SliceMan, WhorePath
Defensive plays: Lady Breastrike hooked up with Creamy Cat for a crucial stop at third, Sabrecooch pegs runner on the way to second and later goads the same runner when a fellow teammate was running home, “Hey, aren’t you gonna try to run to third,” where SliceMan pegged her out. (Sabrecooch feels just a little bit bad about that one, but only a little…)
However, all that wasn’t enough for the win as iKickballs prevailed with a solid kicking game, but this grouping of Apple employees (no, seriously) wouldn’t expect any less from a team with such a name. It was one hell of a game, and we were looking forward to the best part of the night…
This was probably the most exciting game to date as it was on new turf and it was a back and forth battle that came down to the final round. XXX-Men claimed victory on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th rounds, surviving the scares of rounds 2 and 4. Best inter-team interaction of the night:
Beginning of second round:
Lady Breastrike: We need to have the same amount of beer in our cups.
iKickballs Lead-Off: Does it matter? I’ve got like 80 pounds on you.
Lady Breastrike: (quietly) I can still beat you.
Both teams: OHHHHH SNAP! OHHHH SHIT! OH NO SHE DIDN’T!
Lady Breastrike did in fact beat him in the chugging, but drank the beer with a little too much enthusiasm, which led to it going all over her face and up the nose. Ouch. However, three rounds later, victory would be ours. Week 7 Team: Archanal, Lady Breastrike, Weapon Sex, Creamy Cat, and Shadowclit.
We’ve got one kickball game left to save ourselves from total shame. Smerkin’ Merkins, you’re our final notch on the season bedpost. LET’S GET IT ON!
Love, the XXX-Men
P.S. Jen, Mistress of Flip Cup, agreed to an exhibition rematch of Baby Jesus vs. XXX-Men in Week 8. You don’t wanna miss this…
40 Bounces to Freedom
Birthdays, whiskila, and scratch-offs, OH MY! In the words of Brittany, the girl who STILL has a bday hangover, “This week was one for the books, y’all!” 40 Bounces enjoyed playing Wendell and the BTBT crew and REALLY enjoyed the post-game shots. Thanks for a great game! We can always count on the BTBT’s to play hard and party harder. We’re looking forward to having our full team back this week as we go up against Kickopotomus and go for yet another W. See you at the fields!
Who’s house? BOUNCE HOUSE!
Finally!!!!! It only took 4 weeks but the Walks did it. We won. We’re back! Everyone needs a slump buster sometime. We would like to officially thank Dunder for coming through and helping the cause. Defense was stout and finally morale was high. We had some added help from our arch-rivals in capital, Relax. Joey killed it out there with some good kicking. The offensive boost was just what we needed. We may suck ass, but we are definitely working on it!
Our new leadoff (wo)man, Mizzy, completely showed our old leadoff man what it meant to get on base when kicking first in the lineup. It may be her new place in the kicking lineup for the rest of the year. Oh, and she scored!! Hell yes. As a matter of fact, she’s this week’s MVP. Our old leadoff man scored too, but that was only after he was replaced in the lineup. If you think you can act right for the rest of the year, let me know, and you can have your job back. In the meantime, you’ve gotten your cookies taken from you by a girl. A girl! Nonetheless, you folks played AMAZING. I loved the pitching by committee. We used 4 different pitchers before finally letting Drea close out the show. Total team effort. I am really looking forward to how we fare in the playoffs. I’m ready to sneak up on some teams… Keep working on it team!!!
Last thing, for the past few weeks, some of you may have noticed the a member of LeBallski’s talking about how I’m going to wear a skirt, because they’re going to beat us. He’s said this at least 3 times this season on the GMOT. Now I’m prone to talking a little shit, but I’ve left him alone til now. If you aren’t familiar with some of the things he’s been saying, he basically reminds the Walks of this kid…
We aren’t gonna lose. We’re gonna win. Grant, you’ve messed up son. Get ready to wear that skirt and change your name to Bridget come playoffs. I’m out for blood. Hope your team can come through for you. You’re about to feel what it’s like to look slutty.
Where My Pitches At?
Last week the “Pitches” faced off against Relax and Let it Happen, for round
2. This time we pulled off a run, and game ended at 5-1. I’d say that’s a
step up from 10-0 from the last beat down. Jay, and his usual charming self,
was a delight to compete against in Roshambo. Perfect manners, such a little
Kristin and Nathan provided the team with a delicious sangria, which was
also enjoyed by only the elite non-‘Pitches’ WAKA players.
After the game, E-money and myself found ourselves on a make-shift motley
crew for flip cup (a few smirkin’ merkins, big leballski’s, and been there
balled thats). Did that matter? No, we still beat Relax’s ass, handily. We’d
like to thank PBR, nectar of the gods.
Watch out this week as we bring the thunder from down under (sorry Pres
Logue, not your favorite dancers of La Bare)…to the game against Liver Let
Die. There will be so much flair, beer, kick-ass, sarcasm, spider monkeys,
hate, angina, the beginning stages of liver failure,Charlemagne (pre-magna
carta fame), a ‘bi-curious’ hobo, strom thurmond, and kickball chi* that no
one will know what hit them. Basically, Hurricane Pitches is expected to hit
the field at 645 pm, so watch the fuck out!
pro-euthanasia since 1942
your friendly ‘Pitches’
Sit On My Base
by Ephraim Johnson, life-observer
Fresh air. A round of kickball. Winning, as Sit On My Base did again last week. But why? You’ll never be this young again, and lord knows, you’ll never FEEL this young again…I’m living proof of that…so why haven’t you taken up a meaningful pursuit, like say, watching more television?
Why, back in my day, we used to believe in self-reliance. But all you whippersnappers want to do is make new friends. Get back in the house for a change! Why spend all your time in the company of others? They’ll only die on you. But the warm glow of the television…now that’s forever.
Young people today lack the discipline and stick-to-it-ivness required to watch all eleven seasons of Cheers in a single sitting. Sure, you want to swim in your organic spring-fed pools and bask in the sun, but goddammit, when are you gonna pull your head out of your ass and really give Melrose Place the respect it deserves?
I suppose you have it all figured out. Don’t have much time for an old s.o.b. like me. But I’m telling you, one of these you’re going to wake up and realize that all the best sitcoms are off the air and won’t go to DVD until after you’re dead. Oh, and you can forget about syndication.
Ephraim Johnson is a lecturer and columnist. He lives in Houston, Texas.
The playoff bracket will be posted Friday the 14th. Good luck!!
Week 8 Schedule – August 13th
Field 1: Toe Blasters v. Been There Balled That
Field 2: Liver Let Die v. Where’s my Pitches at?
Field 3: Baby Jesus v. Sexy Pitches
Field 4: Smirkin Merkins v. XXX Men
Field 1: 40 Ounces to Victory! v. Steven Seagal’s Dunder Siege
Field 2: Hannah Montanta’s Sax Tape v. iKickballs
Field 3: Relax and Let it Happen v. Freebasers
Field 4: Red Rockets v. Sit on my Base
Field 1: Tyrannical Teabaggers v. Fireballs
Field 2: Big LeBALLskis v. Walk of Shame
Field 3: Technicality v. Freebasers
Field 4: 40 Bounces to Freedom v. Kickopotamus X
Field 1: Booze on 1st v. Bobcats, Pumas and Dawgs
Field 2: Ace of 2nd Base v. Weapons of Mass Consumption
See everyone on the fields…