Archive for November, 2009

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WAKA Austin: Week 6

November 19, 2009

WAKA WINTER PROM: 80s & SADIES

80s Prom Guide:

Let’s be honest, all you REALLY need for an 80’s prom dress is a leotard, some tulle and bright colored accessories. However if you’re looking for something special, you have come to the right place. From hairdos and hair bands to inspirational movies to where in the heck do I find some of this awesome, the prom committee is here for you.

For big hair – try Pssst. It is dry shampoo that you can find at Walgreens/CVS. The pros use it for teasing. The bigger the hair the better.
Been searching all over town for the perfect dress? Would you rather buy one than make one? Here is a list of tons of thrift and vintage stores at your disposal.
  • Thrift Town – 5700 Manchaca Rd, Austin, TX 78745-3635
  • Thrift Land – 512 W Stassney Ln, Austin, TX 78745-3155
  • Millions of Goodwills http://locator.goodwill.org/
  • Millions of Salvation Armies www.salvationarmyusa.org
  • New Bohemia – 1606 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704-3522
  • St. Vincent’s thrift store – 1327 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704-2432
  • Savers – 4001 S Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX   78704 AND  5222 Burnet Rd #600, Austin, TX   78756
  • Top Drawer Thrift – 4902 Burnet Rd, Austin, TX
  • Buffalo Exchange – 2904 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX‎
  • Lucy in Disguise – 1506 Congress Ave S, Austin, TX‎
  • Room Service Vintage – 107 W North Loop Blvd, Austin, Tx
  • Cream Vintage – 2532 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX‎ AND 2210 S. 1st
  • Feathers – 1700 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX

Beware that some thrift stores are cash only.
If you feel like saving time and not driving around town, ebay, craigslist, amazon, etc. ALL have dresses for sale.
Still having trouble channeling your inner-80s? Rent any of these awesome movies below all feature 80s dances. Pretty in Pink
Trick or Treat
Can’t buy me love
Sixteen Candles
Fast times at Ridgemont High
Teen Wolf
Valley Girl
Sixteen Candles
Don’t forget our party is on December 4th at 8 pm @ scholz garden. If you need tips on how to get a date, look at the GMOT from 2 in the pink a few weeks ago and start making your moves tonight!

http://anyvite.com/wdlcwftg8z
(VIEW PROM E-VITE)

The theme is 80s and Sadie’s but that’s just for fun. If you want to go with a gaggle of girlfriends, as a team, as a threesome, as a octet… we love that just as much. Because, let’s face it, that’s actually more representative of what happened in our high school dance lives than having a date.

Off like panties at prom,

The Prom Committee

A Dudes Guide to the 80’s Prom:

Here at Waka we understand that you dudes have no clue what the heck to do with an 80’s prom.  We barely made it through the first prom, right guys?  I mean, a corsage?  It has to match what?  My suit? Her Dress?  It all gets confusing.  Why am I smiling for 20 different mom’s right now?  Did I really need to wear my dad’s scarf?  This looks stupid.

Because we have no idea what we’re doing here, I thought I’d give you some pointers to have a successful Waka 80’s Semi-Sadies Prom.  Here come the pearls of wisdom.  Hint: chicks like pearls.  That one was free…

  • 1. The dumber you dress the sexier you are.  I know this goes against everything you’ve ever known.  No Ed Hardy, no graphic tee’s, no good hair style.  No mossimo, no garbeaux jeans, no Abercrombie and no north face.  All these things got popular in the 90’s and are irrelevant.  Bring some stupid colors, some ruffles, and perhaps a skinny tie or a hat that looks like a red Lego fortress (please don’t make me explain the reference).
  • 2. Dance like a maniac.  It doesn’t have to make sense.  It doesn’t have to look good.  But if you’re sitting in the corner make sure that you “draw attention to yourself, but in a good way.”  It’s in the rulebook.  Everyone likes a guy that laughs at himself.  No one likes the cool guy that thinks it’s nice to go to prom and think about how that girl just dumped him and he’ll never love again.  A) it makes you weak.  B) it makes you dumb.  Party on.

  • 3. Keep it real… While keeping it safe.  Nothing looks worse on a dude than horizontal white and orange.  It’s not slimming and the orange really makes everyone just look jaundice. 

Looking forward to seeing everyone at the end of season party.  Remember it’s Prom, but even better.  Because you aren’t renting a limo and your date doesn’t have headgear.  Oh, and ladies…. I’ll be taking applications for permission to ask me to be your date starting at the end of next week.  100 words or less, please..

Peace and Love,

Grant “My Rambling Even Annoys Myself” McClendon

GUIDE TO 80s MUSIC:

So, you gotta get in the right frame of mind to totally appreciate all that the 80s prom has to offer. And what better way to achieve this than jammin’ out to the best rock to ever grace this earth. Yes, the aural pleasures brought to us by the leather pant wearing GODS of rock, best known as “hair bands”. I’m sure your parents jammed the Motley Crue, Whitesnake, and Poison…Hell, your mom might have had an autographed CeCe Deville head shot.. No? Guess that’s just me.
But that’s besides the point..Alas, here’s a totally rad playlist..guaranteed to make you wish you could be as cool as Bret Micheals.
  • 1. Whitesnake: “Here I Go Again”
  • 2. Motley Crue: “Wild Side”
  • 3. Poison: “Nothin But a Good Time”
  • 4. Def Leppard: “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
  • 5. Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the Jungle”…basically the entire ‘Appetite for Destruction’ album
  • 6. Skid Row ( who didn’t have a crush on Sebastian Bach?): “Here I Am”
  • 7. KISS: any and all of their glory
  • 8. Motley Crue: “Dr. Feelgood”
  • 9. Quiet Riot: “Cum on Feel the Noise”
  • 10.  Tesla: “Love Song”
  • 11. Van Halen: “Panama”
  • 12. Warrant: “Cherry Pie”
  • 13. Bon Jovi: “Livin’ on a Prayer’
  • 14. Twisted Sister: “We’re Not Gonna Take It”… (Dee Snyder never does)
So, put those little gems on your IPOD and prepare to have your mind blown. It’s best enjoyed in the company of a sixer of Bud..and maybe a can of Aqua Net.

PITCH N MOAN

So normally we are a pretty low-keyed, laid back type of peeps , but this
week we felt the need and urge to come out a bit and express ourselves in a
GMOT kinda way.   The Pitches suffered another defeat last night at the
hands of Who’s on First.  Everything seemed in our favor, with Chris
scoring the only run in the game (Kudos to you).  All was well in the world
(birds chirping and little people high fiving each other in the background)
when out of the blue……(dark clouds emersing) the ref yells SAFE…..

It was all down hill from there
We’re just sayin..

Andy started off his thunder pitches with some swagga (too bouncy, ANDY!!).
A few beers and mystery drinks later, he began to see those little dudes
from the Wizard of Oz.  Maybe he was daydreaming or rehearsing his upcoming
part in a low budget Wizard of Oz play (FYI…….I do believe Snelson and
Oakley will be partaking also).  Whatever the case was (we don’t know and
are afraid to ask), His BALLS went wild.

To make matters worse, our fearless pitcher almost got his ass kicked by
what kinda looked like

A few balls were missed and mistakes were made, but overall it was an
interesting night.

Special shout out to our Kickball peeps who played some post game flip cup
with the Moaners!
Happy Drinking to All and to All a Good Night!!

We are Pitch N Moan Motha fuckas!

Relax and Let it Happen

*FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW, WE GAVE WALK-A-SHAME, CAPTAINED BY ANDRE, A 5 POINT LEAD AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME*

Andre, everyone wants you to be quiet, including Uncle Sam. He’s for free speech and all, but even he has his limits.

If you want to stay out of trouble, here are five things you don’t do:

1. You don’t go camping with Smokey the Bear and tell him how cool you think forest fires look.
2. You don’t go to prison and not expect to get your brown star played with.
3. You don’t slip a Slurpee crazy fast and not expect to get a brain freeze.
4. You don’t forget to courtesy flush when you’re droppin’ bombs over at your bf or gf’s house.
5. YOU DON’T TALK NOISE ABOUT RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN AND EXPECT TO GET AWAY WITH IT.

I used the caps to denote importance. Are you ever gonna go camping with Smokey? No, mostly because he’s not real. He’s a spokesbear, ok? Let’s get real. I just used numbers 1-4 to lead up to #5. We’re really good, especially when we’re playing our rules (5th in the Nation). Most of the time you see us playing, we’re joking around and having a good time. But, when we heard that there was a challenge, and that someone thought they actually had a chance to beat us, you get 100% from us. Which, unfortunately, is 100% better than every other team’s 100%. We did the math. And then David’s dick double checked it (that’s for you Joey).

We started the game down 5 runs, and we ended up winning 12-5. They came close to scoring, but our superior athletic abilities cut them down at home plate twice. I brag a lot, but believe me when I say I had one of the best games of my life. I also had two cool slides at home plate. They couldn’t handle Jay’s pitching and the overall team speed that we brought to the mesa. Whitney, Devon, Shannon, and Nicole proved that hot bitches can play some kickball. Shout out to Devon for her catch. BWALK!!! was back to his old ways…getting on base and quietly talking shit and saying inappropriate things that you feel bad for laughing at.

If you ever act like we’re not the 5th best team in the world, you will have no choice but to Relax and Let it Happen.

I’D KICK THAT

The Week that Was

Ok so I didn’t right a blog last week, but in my defense, last Thursday was a blur for me, too much pregame. I’m pretty sure we lost and I could put some blame out there, but considering he just got a body part ripped out of him as it became it became inflamed, I’ll lay off. Get better P.

Unfortunately, Monday night didn’t go much better for us. Thanks to two late cancelations we started a female short and had to recruit a ringer from the sidelines to defend the plate. She did a great job blocking some of still with appendix P, but we had other defensive problems that hurt us. Namely dropping a big red ball. Then again, we had two innings in which we recorded 4 outs.  I think that should have rolled over like AT&T into the next innings, but that idea was shot down by the man.  Personally, I had one of my better games and I wont bore you with the details (HR, 2 RBI’s, an unassisted double play).  Heading into the final inning we found ourselves down 6-2 and started to storm back rallying to a 6-4 deficit with two on before falling.  The real highlight came for me, when after the game the ump screamed for the next game, “Sit on my face in the field.”  Glorious, there just aren’t too many scenarios where you can scream that in public and not be sued for sexual harassment.

Heading into last night we had lost our way, losing 3 straight.  Luckily for us the schedule makers set us up against team Kicktease.  This team had a couple of athletes, but also had a couple of guys who looked like their due date was last Tuesday, needless to say we felt we had a chance.  The game started as a defensive struggle.  We had first ups and Brian had a nice double, then got greedier the Bernie Madoff and went for a triple and was promptly thrown out.  Nick got on base and it was up to me to bring him home.  I took the second pitch straight into the air to the center fielder, who didn’t have to move to make the catch.  I came back to the bench and received a kick in the butt (literally) from our captain who asked me what the hell I was doing.  The encouragement is deafening on our squad, more on our fearless leader is coming however.

With P out because of said surgery we needed to bring in a new pitcher.  I’m sure we could’ve had one of our guys step it up, but we had future PBA star Tyler sitting at home.  A year ago he would come onto the field (so I’m told) with “Enter Sandman” blaring Mariano Rivera style, minus the Panamanian heritage.  Tyler had everything working, the cutter, curve, speed roller, it was all gold.

The top of the third Ben lead off with a shot and was headed home for the first run of the game.  Somehow the Kickteasers got the ball in and made a desperation heave towards the plate which the ump, who I believe was temperally blinded by the fake beard he was wearing (which made him look like he belonged in a cave in Waziristan), said hit Ben before he crossed the plate.  It was argued, as almost every call that went against us was, to no avail.

So we head to the fourth, still hopelessly deadlocked in a pair of breasts minus the nipples.  This is when we broke through.  Alicia lead off with a single and quickly Brian brought her around to score with a double and avoided his Gordon Gekko desires and stayed on second.  Nick then got a hit and there were two on who were swiftly brought home by my right foot.  Claudia brought me around to score and the rout was on.  In all we scored 5 runs in the inning and that was more than enough for our new ace.

Highlights/Lowlights:

-Perhaps the play of the year, Bottom 5 we are three outs away from breaking the streak.  Tyler on the mound to shut it down and the first kicker sends a low liner straight back to the mound. With out hesitation Tyler makes the one handed catch keeping his cigarette secure in the other, takes a puff, and there was one out.

-Ah, for said captain, what a game indeed. Not only did he piss off the ump to no end with his non-stop complaints to the point that some team members were calling for his ejection (I’m competitive too, but geez, lighten up Terry) but, he flied out twice and showed his magnificent skills as a third base coach.  With one out and sprint champion (really) Sudie on third Terry refused to send her on a ground ball. No big deal, up 5-0, still one out to go.  Then with two outs and a BASE HIT he keeps her on.  Needless to say the team will be putting someone else at third to handle sending or holding the runners.

Link(s) of the week, there were three games so here is a nice little back and forth from a couple of nights ago.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/11/jon-stewart-catches-sean_n_353447.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/12/hannity-jon-stewart-was-r_n_354887.html

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-november-12-2009/sean-hannity-apologizes-to-jon

Until next week.

TYRANNICAL TEABAGGERS



Another week, another 2 wins in the books.  Now, the showdown we’ve all been waiting for (in deep monster truck announcer guy voice):

Thursday, Thursday, Thursday!! Teabaggers.  Relax. 1 vs 2. Good vs evil.  Winners vs losers.

That’s right folks, we finally get our shot at the world-beaters.  I know I’ve personally been looking forward to this matchup for a long time, and it should be a fun one.  So after your game ends or before it begins, come on over, bring some brew, buy some jello shots for the kids, and root on the Teabaggers in our quest to take down the unbeatens.  Hell, even come root against us…just make it rowdy.  And remember, if you find yourself being Teabagged in defeat, just Relax….And Let it Happen.

DONKEY PUNCH

Another week in the life of the most schizophrenic kickball team out there.  Thursday we played our best game possibly ever.  And that wasn’t even with the benefit of the beer goggles, although the Beer View Mirrors were looking good too.  That traffic cone orange is really nice.  The game was six days ago, which is forever.  I just know we rocked it out and I was prouder than a than an Aggie who’d just won first prize at the sheep shearing contest.

And then Monday, well, things didn’t go so well.  I was absent, so without knowing what EXACTLY happened on the field, I’m just going to go ahead and write what I think happened, based on the semi-coherent ramblings of my team.

Colin never made the game, he was abducted by aliens and probed repeatedly.  Glen and Chris couldn’t make it because they are actually sleeper CIA agents and had been activated to carry out a mission in the Brazilian rainforest.  Jen, Jen and Jenn combined into one Supreme Being who for some reason was named “Matilda.”  That’s pretty cool and all, but it left us short fielders. Lisa and Carl tried to lend a veteran presence, but these dang kids nowadays don’t listen to anyone.  And Neil kicked a homerun that is currently orbiting Mars.  I think that’s pretty accurate, yeah?

Congrats Fireballs, you guys punched us fair and square.  Look out Ball Busters, cause now we’re due to come back hot.

WALK OF SHAME

Damn… That was effing terrible. Oh well. We didn’t profess that we would win. We only said that we would merely, “shock the world” and that we were “not scared.” We probably didn’t shock the world, but we definitely weren’t scared. Here are a few lasting thoughts from this game…
*Seriously, having every person bunt on your team everytime is dumb. No one likes it, which is why no one joins Capital, except you guys.
*Relax’s dancing skills are absolutely overrated. We must have been drunk ourselves the first time we watched you shake it. I mean seriously… No Stanky Legg? No “My Dougie” dance? We’ll have to teach you something, sometime.
*What the hell was Joey wearing out there? (By the way, you look like Baby Huey)
*Glad you guys took us seriously enough to actually bring the booze out to the game, that shows us that you actually thought you might lose. We appreciate that… Thank you.
*Also we have compiled a list of sports we know you can’t beat us at….
  1. Basketball
  2. Tennis
  3. Trampoline
  4. Competitive Eating
  5. Sex (It could be a sport…)
  6. Four Square
  7. Poker (It’s on ESPN)
  8. Greco-Roman Wrestling
  9. Judo
  10. Teatherball
That is 10 more ways in which, we know, we are better than you. So go ahead… Have your kickball victory. But in the end our you’ll never be as badass as us. That’s just the hard and simple truth. We’re sorry.
Here at Walk of Shame, it’s birthday season. Every week somebody has one. One of the founders of our little franchise, Kris, had his birthday last week. So we just want to say happy birthday, you’re a slut, and we love you.
We must say, this loss wasn’t without some amazing effort. We won’t ever take one on the ass like this again. We’ll get ’em from here on out. Believe it.
Make no mistake, Walk of Shame will be back and better than ever starting this week. Meet My Meat is next. We’re looking forward to it. Here’s to keeping up our Live winning streak!

RED ROCKETS

See full size image

Well last week was a valiant effort in a 7-6 loss with nine players.  Definitely the first time I have seen the secret kicking order of Meet my meat and a Scottish man pitching in his kilt.  Well put another shrimp on the barbie, eh? However, our makeup game this Monday was impressive with an 8-1 win. We have struggled this season WAKA but when our team shows watch out because we will shoot our rockets all over the field. Field 3 is the real kickball deal with dugouts and a backstop, so official and so nice, me gusta.

Play of the week… Some guy did a very awkward looking running jumping backwards throw from outfield and landed with his own heal going up his butt as he let out a back arch and look on his face verifying that yes the foot definitely made insertion, sweet play whoever you are!

2 IN THE PINK

Our extensive research indicates that kegs = fun . Last season, our signature game involved a keg and the teabaggers. This year, it involved a keg and well hung over. Both were epic… but as with any team, we have matured and developed our strategy.  This year involved garbage bag capes, flip cup, sparkly headbands, drinking gloves, a braiding competition, nipple tassels oi oi oi and chugging half a beer from the keg before you ran the bases. The pictures below reflect the absolute Glory of Two in the Pink.


Pearl of Wisdom from TITP,
Todd:  “Doesnt matter how you get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  All that matters is you beat the leprechaun”

WHERE MY PITCHES AT?

‘Pitches’ lost (barely) to the Livers last week. Despite the Pitches’ valiant efforts and the amazing healing powers of the fannypacks..we inevitably lost the game. This week we’re up against Weapons of Mass Consumption… I hope they’re ready for mass destruction..because that’s what’s coming. So heads up WMC, the Pitches, Chewie, and the FPs are coming…

Skeletor will be serving up a nice heaping portion of Defeat to the WMC tonight…check it yo.

Prost!

‘Pitches’

SIT ON MY BASE

Sit On My Base gives Rubber Balls and Liquor a shot in the ass.
What a game!!! All 15 players on this team contributed to our big W. Fun was had by all especially when vodka and pickle juice shots are involved.
We also apologize for contributing to the noise level. However, you must admit airhorns are AWESOME!

Fall 2009 Standings_wk6M

Damn… That was effing terrible. Oh well. We didn’t profess that we would win. We only said that we would merely, “shock the world” and that we were “not scared.” We probably didn’t shock the world, but we definitely weren’t scared. Here are a few lasting thoughts from this game…
*Seriously, having every person bunt on your team everytime is dumb. No one likes it, which is why no one joins Capital, except you guys.
*Relax’s dancing skills are absolutely overrated. We must have been drunk ourselves the first time we watched you shake it. I mean seriously… No Stanky Legg? No “My Dougie” dance? We’ll have to teach you something, sometime.
*What the hell was Joey wearing out there? (By the way, you look like Baby Huey)
*Glad you guys took us seriously enough to actually bring the booze out to the game, that shows us that you actually thought you might lose. We appreciate that… Thank you.
*Also we have compiled a list of sports we know you can’t beat us at….
  1. Basketball
  2. Tennis
  3. Trampoline
  4. Competitive Eating
  5. Sex (It could be a sport…)
  6. Four Square
  7. Poker (It’s on ESPN)
  8. Greco-Roman Wrestling
  9. Judo
  10. Teatherball
That is 10 more ways in which, we know, we are better than you. So go ahead… Have your kickball victory. But in the end our you’ll never be as badass as us. That’s just the hard and simple truth. We’re sorry.
Here at Walk of Shame, it’s birthday season. Every week somebody has one. One of the founders of our little franchise, Kris, had his birthday last week. So we just want to say happy birthday, you’re a slut, and we love you.
We must say, this loss wasn’t without some amazing effort. We won’t ever take one on the ass like this again. We’ll get ’em from here on out. Believe it.
Make no mistake, Walk of Shame will be back and better than ever starting this week. Meet My Meat is next. We’re looking forward to it. Here’s to keeping up our Live winning streak!
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waka Austin: Week 5

November 12, 2009

grantprez

Dear Kickballers,

Welcome to Week *&^!!!  I use these random signals because I’m just as confused as you guys are about what week it actually is and what is actually going to happen in my life.  I know that we’re playing kickball tonight so I know that I’m happy and scared and nervous and… horny?  I dunno…

So far this year we’ve had shockers-a-plenty, dudes in daisy dukes, jello shots for the kids, and a little kickball as well.  We’ve had guys in trashbags, chicks in playing cards, boozing robots and some board member that really knows her porn walking around in public.  I hope you’ve all had as good a time as I have.

I’m so excited about tonight’s games that I’m bringing back my favorite feature.  So, without any more delay, here are your horoscopes for this week:

Aries – Seemingly out of nowhere you will seem to feel more svelt and well put together.  Then you will wipe the fog from your mirror and realize you were just imagining it and should really get a life.

Taurus – New opportunities will arise for you with the opposite sex tonight.  Then you will mention something about your ex, blow it, and drink too much.  Sorry about that..

Gemini – You will find yourself able to throw perfectly, catch perfectly, and kick farther than ever before.  You will, however, also find yourself talking to person no one really knows and isn’t sure how they got there and then miss game time.  Oops.

Cancer – While going to your car in the morning you will narrowly escape getting poo-ed on by a flying bird.  Don’t really have much else to say about it.  Good job.

Leo – Two words, one terrible nightmare:  Shart. Foreplay.

Virgo – Your boss will acknowledge you for your achievements.  Praising you for your hardwork.  5 minutes after you give him your two weeks.  Someone call Alanis Morissette..

Libra – A stranger will literally walk up and kick you in the shin.  This is your chance to kick their ass.  Seriously, the “gods” don’t mind and we got your back.

Scorpio – You will wake up with Chumbawumba – Tubthumper playing on your car radio and literally have the best day you’ve had in weeks.

Sagittarius – The person ahead of you in the 10 items or less checkout line will literally have 30 items.  This will infuriate you and you will want to go postal like Mike Douglas.  DO. NOT. DO. THAT.

Capricorn – You will use bing for the first time ever.  You will then swear to never use a computer again because you are so confused you might as well be a 70 year old trying to run a regression analysis in excel.   Don’t hit the computer, its not it’s fault.

Aquarius – Your significant other will tell you that you should do more to look like their celebrity crush.  You will say that is bullshit and go hit on a stranger.

Pisces – Does anyone even remember that this is an astrological sign?  Anyways, you will be forgotten about and not invited to the party.  The party was a drug raid and everyone went to jail but you.

POWER POLLS


That’s right, they’re back.
After a season off due to writer’s block, it’s time to unveil the latest Power Polls. Please bear in mind, these rankings are based on absolutely nothing besides the committee’s whims. You can win and move down or lose and move up. You’re whole team can make a giant scene and you’ll be that team made a giant scene. The only thing that IS certain is that if you don’t like your ranking, do something, anything, to change it. Without further ado, debuting at #1 is… wait, it’s a tie?

1. Tyrannical Teabaggers. Same number of votes as Relax, but they’ve given up fewer runs.

2. Relax and Let it Happen. They may be 5th in the nation but they still haven’t beaten the Teabaggers.

3. 40 Bounces to Freedom. Still sore from losing the Live regular season in the final week, they’ve come out smoking.

4. Walk of Shame. It they could only score they’d be deadly. But 0-0 ties are fun, right?

5. We’ve got the Runs. As long as we keep seeing Wendell on TV, they remain relevant.

6. Kickopotamus X. Not sure if they are one of the best teams or one of the worst. Depends on which inning you watch them play.

7. Liver Let Die. They are the Texas Tech of Capital, they always seem to play 2nd fiddle…

8. Weapons of Mass Consumption. Anyone remember when they were Sweat n’ Balls and everyone beat them? I sure don’t.

9. Born Again Virgins. They’re perverted. They have a rapper on their team. We like them.

10. Jorts on the Green. Commitment to the name. These guys wear Jorts. Every week. And they are looking good, I mean, uh, sexy?

11. Fireballs. Wicked defense, 6 runs allowed in 5 games.

12. Bazaar Voice Ballbusters. The alliteration alone advances them above all… Except the 11 teams in front of them.

13. Donkey Punch. Because that name makes me laugh too hard.

14. Whose on 1st. If a team Sits on my Base but no one was there to watch it, did it really happen?

15. Sit on My Base. If they didn’t have a proven track record, they’d be much lower. Something tells me their winning ways will return though.

16. Where my Pitches at? Two words: Fannie Packs.

17. I’d Kick That. They can put up the runs (21, second in league) but they can’t stop anyone.

18. Dunder Siege II. Oh how we miss Elois. DUNDERRRR!!!

19. Two in the Pink. If this was the Drunken Power Polls they’d be the undisputed #1.

20. Red Rockets. We need to see Great Dane puppies by the end of the season.

21. Rubber Balls and Liquor. Their name is confusing. I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned.

22. Meet my Meat. Maybe it’s just a Technicality, but I think they’ll get on track.

23. Kick Tease. Several veterans of Smirkin Merkins didn’t bring the party with them. Amber and Tina, were y’all the party poopers?

24. Beerview Mirrors. A win’s a win, right? Love the traffic cone orange color.

25. Well Hungover. We can safely say there are no members of this team on our fantasy kickball squad.

26. Pitch and Moan. Flip cup prowess aside, you can’t forfeit a game.


TWO IN THE PINK

FINAL2

· If Two in the pink does five keg stands and you do five keg stands, Two in the pink did more keg stands than you did. And looked better doing it.

· Even when the score says you win, Two in the Pink still wins.

· Two in the pink doesn’t go to parties, they are the party.

· Being drunk by a two in the pink-er is a beers favorite way to die

· Yes, 2 in the pink actually IS better than you.

· When 2 in the pink drinks, the whole world wins

· Two in the Pink doesn’t throw up if they drink too much. Two in the Pink throws down

· Two in the pink doesn’t drink people under the table, they drink and then hit them with a table for not keeping up

· If you Google search “Two in the pink being lame” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’thappen.

· Two in the Pink once drank an entire jug of pink panty droppers. And kept their panties on.

· Two in the Pink doesn’t sing meatloaf, meatloaf sings two in the pink

· When Two in the Pink is in a crowded area, they dont walk around people. They walk over them.

Yours in keg stands and poison,

2 in the pink

DONKEY PUNCH

donkey-punch

What a difference a week makes.  Last Thursday we got obliterated by Sit on My Base.  They’d been plotting all offseason for revenge from the playoffs last summer and those voodoo dolls really worked wonders.

Then Monday rolls around: Terrible conditions, not a full team on hand, playing the highest scoring team in the league and we roll.  Maybe it was the Monday night aspect (we’re now undefeated all-time on Monday.)  Maybe it was that whole “getting runners on base thing.”  Personally, I think it was the shirts.  Namely, we didn’t wash ours.  Most had been at the bottom of the hamper all weekend, moldering alongside work clothes and sweat pants.  Some we’re left in trunks.  I think Colin’s shirt ended up buried in the back yard by the dog…

Anyway, it worked.  So from this point on, we’re not washing our shirts and we’re going all the way.  Well, that as long as Lisa keeps catching everything and going perfect at the plate.  And Sean returns from exile and knocks in two.  And Carl keeps placing perfect kicks.  And Jen M goes 2-2 and scores.  And Neil boots bombs to right.  And…

Where My Pitches At?

straps-on-his-fanny-pack

(that’s right even the Justice League sports an FP..what??)

Due to the lack of kickball (thanks to the monsoons that have plagued the 512 area), team moral has been low. What is one to do on a Thursday evening without the glorious red ball, beer, and superior fannypacking? Not much..unless you can find a Motown Party..but that’s besides the point. Our first game back since the rain, and we played well. Todd scored excellently for the team, and there were several awesome catches in the outfield that helped us win the game. Another fannypack joined the team as well, look for the fanny-bumping mid game..it’s cathartic.
Post game celebration involved a few ‘Pitches’ and some 2 In The Pinks and one rogue Donkey Puncher celebrating their victories with Ariel, Prince eric, sebastian, flounder and king triton. That’s right..a Disney sing-a-long..go ahead, be jealous.

ursula
(this is what you’ll look like if you kiss a Ginger…) But if you insist on Ginger love, then please use this:

GINGER

This  Thursday we face off against Liver Let Die, who by the way, seem to have procured a miniature statue of President Grant McClendon. I know what you’re thinking…”that’s a leprechaun!” But, if you look closely..you’ll see the fine chiseled features of the ginger that we all know as Grant.
Just don’t ask what’s in the pot of gold, you.don’t.want.to.know.

Anyways, watch out Livers, because we’re out for vengeance. We let you win last time, but not again….not again.

Cheers!
WhereMyPitchesAt?

-Pitches.

WALK OF SHAME

By Andre Rodgers
Walk of Shame
Hooray!!! Celebration was in the air last week for the Walks! Cindy and Rebecca both celebrated their birthdays! That must have been what we needed to get a boost because…. Finally some freaking offense from the Walks! How about that! Biggest offensive burst in like three seasons. 7 runs! We have to give it to the Ball Busters, their team name is weird, but they had heart. They might be something really tough to handle come playoffs. We dont want to see them again.
I don’t know if you guys know this yet, but I really love our team. Walk of Shame legends Chris, Mizzy, Kris, Jorge, and Dre all scored! While Walk of Shame newcomers Rebecca and G both scored on a homerun by G. It was badass. Even Cindy came, oh so close to scoring on her birthday. Are we turning a corner? Let’s see! Way to play hard out there! We are halfway there folks! Let’s keep it going!!!
As for the team we play next….. We don’t care what state you played kickball in last month…ObamaNotScared

RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN

Welcome fellow kickballers. I’m Justin Grady and I’m going to be guiding you through another championship year for the dynasty that is Relax and Let it Happen. If you’re new and you don’t know who I am, just ask who the best catcher/leadoff man in Texas and maybe the country is. If that doesn’t work, I’m the guy that’s a slick fielding combination between Willie Mays Hays and the Patrick Swayze of Dirty Dancing…because nobody puts Grady in a corner.

This week we played Where My Pitches At? After losing to us 3-0, they are thinking about changing their name to Where My Wins At? or maybe How Does Relax Do That? They played us well. They have a veteran team with a couple of good guys and a few good girls. We played horrible, but at least they didn’t score on us. They came close in the first inning but Joey threw a wonder strike to home plate and I finished it off with an equally amazing tag out.

Shout out to Erin for coming in and representing on her first game. She got on twice in the two weirdest ways but we’ll take it. David was running around like a crazy person all night. If you get a chance, ask him how big his dick is. Nicole had some classy bunts, as did Shannon. Other than that, we kinda played like shit, but when you’re as good as us, you can afford to win ugly sometimes.

On Monday we play Liver Let Die. We will beat them, just like we beat everyone else.

h1

WAKA Austin – Fall 2009

November 4, 2009

Week

Donkey Punch

donkey-punch

What a difference a week makes.  Last Thursday we got obliterated by Sit on My Base.  They’d been plotting all offseason for revenge from the playoffs last summer and those voodoo dolls really worked wonders.

Then Monday rolls around: Terrible conditions, not a full team on hand, playing the highest scoring team in the league and we roll.  Maybe it was the Monday night aspect (we’re now undefeated all-time on Monday.)  Maybe it was that whole “getting runners on base thing.”  Personally, I think it was the shirts.  Namely, we didn’t wash ours.  Most had been at the bottom of the hamper all weekend, moldering alongside work clothes and sweat pants.  Some we’re left in trunks.  I think Colin’s shirt ended up buried in the back yard by the dog…

Anyway, it worked.  So from this point on, we’re not washing our shirts and we’re going all the way.  Well, that as long as Lisa keeps catching everything and going perfect at the plate.  And Sean returns from exile and knocks in two.  And Carl keeps placing perfect kicks.  And Jen M goes 2-2 and scores.  And Neil boots bombs to right.  And…

grantprez

How’s it hangin’ all you kickballers out there in the great city of Austin, Texas?  I know it seems like its been four score (hey oh! He said score!!) and 7 year since we last got together and played that wonderful sport they call kickball.   And that’s because it has.  As you know, we have that dirty hooker-faced lady named “Mother Nature” to blame for this but somehow I want to pin this on terrorism.  So… terrorists suck.  Take that, Bin Laden.

Anywho, I’ve been missing my constituents (that’s you guys) more than poor Slick Willy (that’s Bill Clinton) misses his fine cigars.  And I’m not ok with that.  Just in case you have all forgotten how things work, I thought I’d give you a few reminders of how to maximize your awesome quota for the evening at kickball.  Thus, I give you Grant’s ways to be as awesome as floating balloon with a pretend kid inside:

  1. Attitude is Altitude.  Put your happy faces on.  No one likes to play kickball against or with someone who has his or her “I didn’t get any action on Halloween and now I’m bitter” faces on.  It’s a bad look, and it won’t improve your chances.

  1. Say Hi to a stranger.  We all know that your team has the pun-y-est name in kickball and you are all badasses and could cure cancer with your tears; however, we also know that you cry alone in your bedroom listen to Sinead O’Connor on repeat and wanting something to cuddle.  Go let yourselves go… you’ll like the results.

  1. Board says to say something about picking up trash.  While I know this doesn’t sound like being as awesome as a balloon with a kiddo, it has to happen.  AND you are saving the world.  That’s kind of neat, I think…

  1. Bring some money for the kids.  Jello shots rule and make people like you more.  That’s just science.  And if that seems like “stupid mumbo jumbo that Grant made up” then I say this:  Donating to kids is even that more sexy and looks good on ya.  Just like I do…  HEY HEY!!  **insert dirty wink and creepy smile**

I can’t wait to see you guys out there this week.  We’re playing week 6 games.  Check the website and find your game times.  Feel free to print out my rules I just gave you and use it in everyday life.  If it doesn’t land you in jail, you’ll become president of a small country.  I guarantee it… not really… ok, kind of… but seriously, I don’t.

Much <3,

Grant “sexy pits” McClendon

MID SEASON PARTY: ANYTHING but CLOTHES…

Charity Update:  I want to thank everyone who placed bids at the Silent Auction at the Anything but Clothes Party.  We raised over $300 for Blue Santa thanks in large part to our highest bid of the night placed by Brit from Born Again Virgins.  Since the games were rained out last week and we didn’t get to see all of our auction participants dressed up we are going to put them in costume at next Thursday’s game.
As always we will have jello shots at all of the games including any make up games. And remember, it’s for the kids so be sure to bring cash.  Looking forward to seeing you all at the fields.

Alaina

The Auction Block:Auction Collage

What do a pillow case, a deck of cards and a shocker flag all have in common? They make amazing costumes.

My favorite thing about costume parties? People are always one step more crazy in a costume.
Who drank way too many double whiskey and ginger ales? Everyone in these photos.
XOXO,

Lundy

Photos from the Partay:

Auction Collage 2

WAKA AUSTIN:

CHARITY AUCTION 2K9

Hey kickballers,

We are off to a great start this season!  We have already raised $382 for our charity.  As some of you may have noticed I am not the only one selling Jello Shots this season so look for Lacy, Sloane and occasionally Lundy to be sporting the backpack of awesomeness too. Don’t forget to bring cash… We are unable to take credit cards, checks or iou’s.

I hope all of you are looking forward to the Mid-Season Anything but Clothes party on Friday!  We have decided to do an Auction to raise more money for our charity so here is how it works.  We have selected several kickballers and they will go up on the block.  If you purchase them you can dress them up however you would like for the games on October 29th.  If you purchase one of the players you are responsible for providing the costume and you must clear it with them first.   We will be accepting checks as well as cash so make sure you bring one of those forms of payment.  If you have any questions feel free to email me alainay@gmail.com.

And don’t forget to do it for the kids…

Alaina

—————————————————–
Remember in the last email when we said “location may change” for the midseason party? Well it has!  We are now going to continue the tradition of mid season parties on the east side by going to The Liberty on E. 6th.

Drinks are cheaper (which means MORE of them), they have games (bocce ball, washers, pool, pinball and galaga) and they’ll let us use a PA for the auction announcement.

Details:

  • Anything but clothes party
  • You’ll be drinking “free” until the bar tab runs out
  • Carpool if you can, parking is street only
  • Charity auction will kick off @ 9:00 and you can bid on people until 10 pm. Benefits our charity.
  • +1s are invited… but we ask them to chip in $5 to offset their drinking.

The anyvite is here with details: http://anyvite.com/v0o9snajz6

On The Auction Block….

drea
Name: Drea “Queen of Green”

Team: Walk of Shame

Sign: Pisces

Favorite color: Green or Blue

Likes: Hanging on the beach, beating everyone in an Irish car bomb chug off, kicking doubles, seeing double, and having the dirtiest mouth known to man.

Dislikes: Pretentious, judgemental, closed minded people..not that I judge them or anything…

Potential Buyer: Must want to have a good time. Must also put up or shut up.

kia
Name: Kia

Team: Donkeypunch (aka baby Jesus born again)

Sign: Leo (Rawr)

Favorite color: green

Likes: Kickball, Vegas, Kickball in Vegas, Yagerbombs, Yagerbombs with Kickball in Vegas.

Dislikes: People who don’t play kickball.

Potential Buyer: Someone with lotsa cash (I’m a gold digger)


auctionName: Brittany Lane & Erin Shirley, aka “B – Lane & E-Money”

Team: Where My Pitches At?

Sign: Virgo & Libra

Favorite Color: red & green

Likes: fun, the beach, dance parties, mac n cheese, fannypacks
Dislikes: onions (B Lane), unicorns, Restless Leg Syndrome, and the jonas brothers.

Potential Buyer: we’re looking for someone who can bench over 200 pounds, kick swine flu in the snout, make a mean pot pie and can sing the golden girls theme song.

cam
Name: Cameron Kushwara, “Kickball Cam”

Team: Donkey Punch

Sign: Aries

Favorite Color: Red

Likes: I like tattoos, kitties and midgets.

Dislikes: parachute pants, bad grammar and pink-themed weddings.

Potential Buyer: I’m looking for someone that will dress me in the most hideous, inappropriate costume imaginable.

lundy
Name: Megan Lundquist, “Lundy”

Team: Two in the Pink, formerly Smirkin Merkins

Sign: Cancer

Favorite Color: electric blue

Likes: blacking out, standing on things, Ego’s, gas station beverages, Sunday Funday, mustaches
Dislikes: people who sing Maroon 5 at karaoke bars, visors, work, clowns, Under-inflated balls, and Reality TV

Potential Buyer: must have a liberal attitude toward showering, leathery aroma of a real man, be able to drink everyone under the table or black out trying.

dre
Name: Andre Rodgers, “Dr.Dre”

Team: Walk of Shame

Sign: Leo

Favorite Color: Blue

Likes: Mad Dog 20/20, Wild Irish Rose, Vegas, Women of Walk of Shame, Women of 40 Bounces, ESPN, Michael McDonald, and Applebees

Dislikes: Bob Stoops, Tom Cruise, Bar Snobs, People who use big words for no real reason, and Myspace

Potential Buyer: Someone like Lady Gaga

Sloane
Name: Sloane

Team: Tyrannical Teabaggers

Sign: Taurus

Favorite color: Yellow

Likes: Winning the Kickball Championship Title, Dancing uncontrollably with the Pinkertons (aka Two in the Pink), well… really anything to do with kickball. The STDs=Sports, Traveling, and Drinking.

Dislikes: people who don’t know what teabagging is

Potential Buyer: Someone who isn’t afraid to have a good time, get drunk, and made stupid mistakes! Wow, that sounds like everyone on my kickball team… awesome!

Grant
Name: Grant Stephenson Akins McClendon, “Ginga Ninja,” “Gmoney,” “Star of your wildest dreams”

Team: Well Hung-over

Likes: Gchatting instead of working.

Hate: getting my feet wet when I’m only wearing socks.

Sign: Aries…I love unicorns and walks on the beach.

Favorite color: Blue, duh.

Potential buyer: Two words: Rich. Cougar.

Minnie
Name: My-Tien (pronounced “meeting”) “Minnie”

Team: Depends on what day it is. Oh kickball, Sit on my Base

Sign: Capricorn

Favorite color: Yerrow

Likes: Pension funds, liquid assets

Dislikes: STDs and the opposing team

Potential buyer: A keg of Mirrer Rite

joey
Name: Joey, “The Big Guy”

Team: Relax and Let it Happen

Sign: Capricorn

Favorite color: Blue

Likes: Texas, Money, Lakes, People Watching, Food and Beer.

Dislikes: losing

Potential buyer: Deep Pockets

and now the team write-ups….

WEAPONS OF MASS

CONSUMPTION

WeaponsLogo-500
Always looking forward to kickball Thursday’s. This week we played
against the Beerview Mirrors…. Strong team, but not strong enough to
beat the Weapons of Mass Consumption. I have to say though, they put
up a good fight…With their spider monkey boy running around in chucks
dodging every single ball we threw at him, even from a close distance.
Incredible but WTF… How do you not slip and fall in those shoes?
They have absolutely no traction.  Anyway, we started out
disorganized, with several people out or running late, and were not at
full strength.  We were down 1-0 after several kickers, but 1/2 way
through the 1st inning 2 more teammates arrived and we were at as full
strength as we would be for the night, but from this time on, we

didn’t let them score another run the rest of the game as our defense kicked it up a notch and was rocking..  In the end, we kicked a home run, and 1 additional run, to win 2-1.

WMD(Jared, Noelle, Katie and Jason)

RUBBER BALLS & LIQUOR

rubber logo

Finally a true team we became
By donning our shirts even though another team had the same.

A few players short we tried our best
Our kicks had power, our bunts had zest.

Our defense was solid, only two runs were scored
From not until the end, there will be no more.

I’d Kick That

Week One: Setting the tone
The skies were electric, but that didn’t compare to the electricity in Gillis Park in Austin, Texas.  Day one of the Fall 2009 Kickball season was about to get underway, as soon as the lights got turned on, forty-five minutes later than the original start time. All complaints can be forwarded to the league offices.

If anything it gave we, the members of I’d Kick That, more time to pregame and get (re) acquainted with one another.  As the team started to filter in and we watched our fearless leader (said captain) take 15 minutes to parallel-park, there was a team building exercise of shot gunning a cold one.  Not all the members decided to take part in the event (myself included), some, such as Jess T, were quickly peer pressured into it.  Whatever the case, it gave certain members of the team a bounce in their step, especially Rick who only finished half his beer and quickly tried to make up for it by asking for a mulligan.

As the first game was winding down, our opponents drew near and started sucking up to our new mascot, Frodo….or Baxter…..or Toreetzo(sp?), whatever,  either way, it was a ploy that would not work out for the team in jorts(which was a pretty good idea for a team, I mean hilarious, everyone in cut off jeans, I’m sure their preseason meeting was like a scene out of Project Runway with their captain coming around like Tim* critiquing the length and fray of the shorts. Unfortunately for them I think they used too many jeans from their junior year of high school because some of those guys looked, how you say, restricted.).

Soon the game was underway, good things happened early and often.  The top of the first went quick and was capped off with an unbelievable diving catch in foul territory by Don.  The bottom of the first was just as impressive for I’d Kick That, as after two quick hits, Rick stepped up and hammered a three-run shot into the next field.  The tone was set.  We rolled to a 7-4 victory behind some other highlights, which included: the infamous 4th out, impeding the base runners of the other team, Pussy taking the longest turn to second in history, before heading on to third only having to go back to second (he did end up scoring, so he’s got that going for him).

Some other things I noticed throughout the evening.  There is no way to catch a kickball and make it look good (unless you do a diving roll in foul ground).  The fields are way to close together. I had ongoing conversations with other the outfielders from the other game, some nice people(until we play them)!  Catcher is by far the easiest position on the field, you don’t even catch the ball when the other player lets the ball go, the ump (who couldn’t count) or the batter threw it back 90% of the time.  Outfielder shifts shouldn’t be called for mid pitch.

Inspirational link of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_h7Lm7C9Nk
For those of you who read Bill Simmons, yes I know, I completely ripped this off, but I don’t care.  I love the “air” dribbling he does at the start and how he calls the fact that he has the original tape there a “special bonus.”  This should’ve made your creative juices ooze.

Until next Thursday, kick on.

* I had to look up that guy’s name so I get to keep my man card.

Week 2   Pitching Wins Championships:

So the second week I’d Kick That got off to a slow start.  Many of us showed up with little time to pre-game, which showed in the early innings at the plate.  Luckily for our squad our ace hurler was on six days rest.  Tariq was on fire throwing curves, rollers, and small bouncers to every hitter he faced.  The…the….who the hell were we playing?  I never caught their name and probably didn’t need to they were rather shabby.  Either way, I didn’t think a shutout was possible considering the blur that most teams are playing in you have to figure there would be a couple of errors in the field.  Oh and we had those errors, Big “P” just came through on the mound.

High/Low-lights of week two:

Guys always think that girls can’t catch.  Well anyone who was watching our squad last week knows that isn’t the case.  Bases loaded and one out in the top of the first, some guy hits a hot line drive straight at Jess H at third.  The runner on third, also a dude, didn’t hesitate taking off for home.  Unfortunately for them Jess H came up with the grab and then instead of taking all the glory and getting the unassisted double play, she threw the ball to our SSS Terry like it was a bag full of Ebola.  Some might say that she didn’t know she could just step on third, however her teammates know that she didn’t want all the thunder.

Top of the second our leadoff man, Rick, knew the importance of getting on.  He smacks one towards right field and took off.  He took off and dove for first base to beat the throw.  Unfortunately his dive started after about two steps toward first.  Apparently he was trying to move way to fast for what his legs could handle, hmm dirt tastes good doesn’t it Rick.

Some inning, the no-names are at bat and Brandi in LCF is enjoying her beer and chatting it up, not realizing that she may have to do something.  As one would guess the ball is all of a sudden sailing towards center.  Brandi doesn’t hesitate as she takes off toward the ball.  Kelly then informs her that it would be easier to catch the ball if she had both hands available in the form of, “Brandi drop your beer!”  Apparently Brandi took that as “I should spike my cup like I just caught a touchdown in the Super Bowl and see how much of the beer I can splash all over myself.”  Sacrificed the beverage and didn’t make the catch, soaked herself like she was in a wet t-shirt contest in Cancun.

Other observations:  It’s a good thing this league doesn’t test for performance enhancers, all of our runs in this game came off HRs.  Our captain shouldn’t try over the head falling away throws, it didn’t look good, at all, I mean really bad, pathetic really.  “P” got a strikeout, really, somebody couldn’t hit the ball in fair ground four times connecting with the ball, unreal.  A player shouldn’t call for a fly ball over and over until the last moment and let it go over their head, I’m looking at you Claudia.

Inspirational link of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZukVN_djZds

We don’t have this kind of hazing on our team for the rookies, lucky for me.  Do you think the rookies for the Cavs will make sure to get him his doughnuts considering he just got busted with two handguns strapped to him and a sawed off shotgun in a guitar case while riding his motorcycle? “Better have my doughnuts!”

Week Three:  The bitter taste…..

Unbelievably I’d Kick That suffered it’s first and surely only defeat of the season to a group with the longest name ever who seemed to have 3 girls on their team, at most.  Ok, ok, maybe they did have the correct allotment, but a couple of them were tweeners, believe me.

The real reason though that I feel we went down, other than the abundance of he/she’s, was that god-awful start time.  I mean 6:30 is wayyy too early to get a decent buzz going.  Let’s face it, this is the closest thing to pool or darts that I’ve come across in which alcohol definitely heightens ability.  I felt like a west coast NFL player going to New York for a noon start (for those of you who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, 1) you’re un-American, 2) that’s like trying to play a game at 9a.m).  That forty-minute hold up on Mopac didn’t exactly help either.

Lowlights, we had a really bad day in the field and scoring only two runs, a pretty bad day at the plate, that’s all I have to say about that.

Other thoughts, we need Don to get back this week, I mean the guy has had three homeruns in four at-bats in the first two games and then doesn’t show for the third, what the hell?  If it’s a contract dispute we can fix it Don, we’ll alternate bringing you beer each week.  I hope we never play at 6:30 or on field four ever again, possibly cursed for our squad, I’ll let you know if we end up getting screwed and have to play at that time and/or field again.

Inspirational link of the week:  Hide the grandparents, they’re real!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/26/your-friendly-neighborhoo_n_269388.html

WELL HUNG OVER

Well… Uh… When you lose 13-2, there is only one thing to say:

OUCH

WHERE MY PITCHES AT?

WhereMyPitchesAt?

A returning team in the “Capital” division.. ‘Where My Pitches At?” is off to a good start. As of now we’re 1-2, but we’re just gettin’ started people. We’ve got the spirit, talent, and general bad-ass attitude to do really well this season. New ‘Pitches’ this season: Pete, Allison, J Kee, Stevie, Jim, Brian, Cranch, and Mike. You should already know the repeat offenders, but in case not… Nathan, Alex, Kevin, Todd, E Money, and B Lane.

goldfpSome call it a waist belt, others the ‘fanny pack’..but we ‘Pitches’ refer to it as the harbinger of fucking awesomeness. What’s better than a pouch strapped to your waist that holds all things valuable? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. In a recent Gallup poll, it’s the preferred method of carrying valuables 80% of the time, all the time.
Heads up to Liver Let Die, congrats on the win..but remember, there will be a rematch.

Cheers!
Your friendly ‘Pitches’

2 In The Pink

10423_1244704763621_1409431938_697574_3836167_n

We know you’ve seen us around. You’ve thought to yourself, “Did they slide in dirt? Is that a shocker symbol on that ridiculously large flag? Did she do three kegstands? Man, I wish one of those tie dye wearing chicks would go to the prom with me.”

Well, being the extremely kind and giving (not that way, perv) team that we are, we want to help you out on your desirability factor. Therefore we have compiled a list of what not to wear or do in order to get invited to prom by that hottie you have been eyeing.

10) Capri pants. You don’t live in Europe. If you rode your bike, wear regular size pants and roll up the leg.

9) Earrings. Anywhere really.

8) Being overly competitive. Cussing/yelling at ladies during games is not sexy. We don’t think it is cute and it doesn’t make you more of a man in our eyes. Is winning really more important than getting some hottie to ask you to prom? Crying/moping is also NOT hot.

7) Fake tans. No explanation needed.

6) Blue-tint or mirrored Sunglasses. It is definitely not cool that you are looking at other chicks while talking to me. Girls like to see your eyes or at least know you are TRYING to pay attention. Plus you just look like a douche.

5) Jorts. Some people can pull these off (hipsters, emo-kids) but really? Denim does not breathe, sweaty balls are not cool.

4) Cut off sleeves. Is it REALLY that hot out here that you have to hug me and rub your arm pit hair in my face. NO thanks.

3) Affliction and/or Ed Hardy t-shirts. Either you want to prove that you are afflicted or that you like to waste tons of money on an ugly bedazzled t-shirt. Neither is a good choice.

2) Shaved Chest Hair. If we wanted to date a GIRL, we would become a lesbian. Women like REAL men…fyi. Plus we do not want to cuddle with a thousand tiny shards of your chest hair growing back.

1) Visors. Do you think the fact that you are showing off that you have hair is impressive? Your scalp is getting burned and you look like an idiot.

For more tips of what NOT to do, please see this website.

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Also for the ladies – you might want to start looking for prom dresses. In town selection is limited, EBAY is not. Just fyi.

Off like panties at prom,

collage2 2inthepink

WALK OF SHAME


Fun Facts About Walk of Shame:

We are 5 seasons deep in here.

-We are undefeated.

-We introduced the league to Mad Dog 20/20 and Wild Irish Rose.

-Our pitcher does the Stanky Legg every chance she gets. (Mizzy)

-Our 3rd Basewoman is a sucker for love and got engaged last week. (Drea)

-Our Short Stop is probably drunk at this very minute. (Kris)

-Every guy on the team likes to watch wrestling.

-We don’t like ties. (Unlike the captain and the other members of 40 Bounces to Freedom)

-We make an exception to the tie fact when we play Relax and Let it Happen.

-Our 2nd Basewoman is better than yours. (Cindy)

Our other Short Stop doesn’t give a danm about any of you. (Louis)

-Our 1st baseman is sexier than yours. (Dre)

-Our Left Fielder is clumsy, but damn he’s good. (Jorge)

-We will pay anyone to slap the smile off our CF mouth. (Chris)

-Our Newbies are fucking a bunch of badasses… And I’m not playing. (Rebecca, AJ, and Corey)

….. And we’re coming for that Cup…. If you don’t like us, we still love you….
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