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WAKA Austin: Week 8

December 9, 2009

Grant “Ginga Ninja” McClendon –

Your Local Kickball Prez

Oh.. hey there you sexy beast of a Kickballer.. Didn’t see you there.  You must have snuck up on me using your creeper/ stalker/ shmooztastic skills.  I’d like to sit here and judge you for being such a freak, but I know that kickball has taught you all of these attributes.  And now, all of the sudden, I feel a warm flow of pride flowing in my veins.

Has is been a good season?  Having a good time?  Ready to rock faces in the playoffs?  Of course you have and of course you are… you’re a damn sexy beast.

Welcome to the first week of playoffs.  You should all pat yourselves on the back because you have literally done nothing to get here.  Everyone makes the playoffs.  Some would argue that everyone making the playoffs is a legitimate proof against Darwinism. They’d go on to say that you teams with lesser records should have vanished years ago because you have smaller beaks than the other Kickballers (holy crap I’m smart).  Others would simply say that we like to be nice and give everyone a chance.  Believe what you will… Either way, you’re here.

I’d like to give you some sort of wisdom but I’m pretty sure I’m out of that.  Thus.. How about a rant?  You guys like rants right?

Let’s talk about the song “Winter Wonderland,” shall we?

1.    There was a blue bird, now there’s a new bird, he sings a love song.  I don’t care about this.  Why are they telling me this?  I hate this.

2.    Ok.  I like snowman’s.  Let’s build one.  Let’s see.  There is a WHOLE UNIVERSE of things to name him.  Oh! Oh! I got it!  Let’s name him Parson Brown!   Yes!!!  A traveling minister with the most boring last name in the world is perfect for this soon to be talking and dancing snow creation!!  Dumb.

3.    Snowman’s first words:  Are you married?  I hate you, songwriter.  It helps to know that Parsons would one-time marry peeps who didn’t have their own pastor.  But I would have much rather liked him to say:  “HOLY HELL!  I have no vocal cords, much less organs, and I’m speaking!!”  I mean, a boy can dream, right??

4.    Next their going to pretend this stupid snow creation (wow, I used to really like snowmen) is a circus clown.  If there is one thing in this world I hate it is circus clowns.  They are assholes.  Why would you ruin your jolly times by inviting an asshole to the party??

5.    “We’ll frolic and play, the Eskimo way?”  That’s just racist.  I wont’ stand for it.

WAKA CHARITY UPDATE

So give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me. Give a little bit, give a little bit of my life for you.
Now’s the time we need to share, so send a smile, we’re on our way back home…
I may not be a fan of the Goo Goo Dolls but I am a fan of giving. (Not in that way, pervs.)
This season we have raised $880 for charity, WOOHOO! Thanks so much for everyone who bought jello shots and participated in the auction.

THIS WEEK: PLEASE BRING WINTER ACCESSORIES!!! (scarves, hats, gloves, etc)
Two in the Pink will be collecting them stating at 6:30 and should be on the fields all night.
You know where to find them – look for the tie-dye and ridiculous debauchery.

Any questions about this, contact Megan Lundquist – meganlundquist@gmail.com.

Just remember – you have to give to receive.

80s PROM


“The bigger the hair, the closer to Jesus.”     A lot of ladies took this advice to heart this past Friday and boy, we couldn’t have been any more proud.
I’ve never seen so much neon polyester! Plus, those dance moves were off the chart,
I’m sure the fact that we floated five kegs had only a little to do with it.

Thanks to everyone who made it out for the party!
Special shout out to the board members for all of their hard work putting this totally RAD party together!

To see photos from the event, click here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/fundylundy/DEC0409?feat=directlink

or visit us on facebok at:
http://www.facebook.com/groups.php?ref=sb#/group.php?gid=62333569622

Until next time…

Off like panties at prom,
The Party Committee

Liver Let Die

“We tied Relax, Nuff’ Said.”

SIT ON MY BASE

MEMO
FROM: Sit On My Base, LLC
TO: All Kickball Competitors, Pretenders to the Throne
SUBJECT: We Are Back and We Are All About Climbing Way Up Your Ass and Staying There

Body as follows:

For those of you who missed the company meeting this last Thursday, there were many important developments – a summary of which will be presented here.

First and foremost, Sit On My Base, LLC proved beyond a doubt that it is a dynamic organization capable of thriving in today’s hostile marketplace.  SOMB LLC demonstrated lethal business acumen and a take-no-prisoners attitude towards its competitors.  Having lulled them into complacency with its mediocre sales record, SOMB LLC viciously acquired We’ve Got the Runs, Inc in a 16-2 merger.

Major players in the transaction include: Jon Wagner, Senior Vice President of Ultimate Destruction, who was singlehandedly responsible for a seven-point stock raise, and woman executive Kim Pinion who shattered the glass ceiling with her iron kicking leg and outstanding outfielding.  In fact, point contributions were made by the entire staff, with the exception of team CEO Minnie Nguyen, who is apparently shorting her own stock.

Thursday’s win has analysts rushing to reclassify SOMB LLC, formerly regarded as a mid-level company with dwindling prospects, as a possible dark horse in the upcoming business season tournament.  To further their new sleek, aggressive image, SOMB LLC has changed their official slogan from “Beer First, Business Later” to “We Met With a Realtor Last Week To Discuss Purchasing Property Way Up In Your Ass, and We’re Not Leaving In Fact We May Even Build Some Condos Up In There.”  So watch out, everybody.  Our prospectus is DEATH.

Sit On My Base, LLC

TWO IN THE PINK

Look at our team
Isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think our year’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think we’re the team
The team who has EVERYTHING?

Look at this shocker
Adventures untold
How many wonders can one WAKA team hold?
Looking around the fields you think
Sure, they’ve got everything.

We’ve got pinatas and flashmobs a-plenty,
We’ve got capes and keg stands galore,
You want jello shot syringes?
We’ve got twenty!
But we care, no big deal, we want moreeeeeeee.

We wanna be where everyone else parties this hard
We wanna see, wanna see you dancin’
Walking around on those – what do you call em?
Oh – kleets.

Flippin’ your gums you don’t get too far
Courage is required for jumping, dancing
Singing along at the -whats that word again?
Egooooo’s

Up where we booze, up were we dance
Up where we play every day havin’ fun
Wanderin’ free – wish you would be
Part of our worldddddd.

THE TYRANNICAL TEABAGGERS

The Teabagger’s did not play last week, but because Megan Lundquist would be a Sad Panda on the Island of Misfit Mascots if we did not have an entry in the GMOT, I decided to make a list of things we did instead of play kickball last Thursday.

1.       We held a benefit concert for dogs with epilepsy… go ahead and send a donation to save a shaky Dalmatian.
2.       We had an awkward moment… just to see how it felt.
3.       We isolated that gene that causes Ginger-vitis and are testing the cure on Grant.
4.       We found Carmen Sandiego.

We would try to emulate other teams, but we decided we would rather live vicariously through ourselves.   See you all on Thursday for playoff mayhem.

WELL HUNG OVER

Well Hungover – Week 8

Well.  We lost to a Live team.  Probably our best game of the year, though.  We got a run in during the first inning and felt great about it.   This feeling would not last long since 40 bounces would turn and SLAM 6 runs right into our unsuspecting faces.  It hurt.  A lot.  Grant missed an out in the outfield, Lacy missed a throw to first, we looked like rooks.

New life was breathed upon us with everyone getting on base later and a slam down the third base line.  Scott, our fearless captain, took advantage of Kia’s lack of attention and stole third while they were getting the ball back to the pitcher.  A play not exactly encouraged but within the rules.  We needed it.

Unfortunately it just came down to them scoring more runs than we did.  Great game for the Well-Hung (over) crowd.  Thanks for the game, bounces.  If we had more wassail we would have taken it I think…

RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN

*Before I get started, I need to say some things about the GMOT Rankings.*

Remember when the GMOT had RELAX ranked 2nd? Seriously, one of the best jokes ever. They were like, “They may be 5th in the Nation, but they still haven’t beaten the TeaBaggers.” How hilarious is that? It’s hilarious because it’s so ludicrous/stupid. The logic in that sentence makes no sense at all. Should we not call Tiger Woods the best golfer because he hasn’t beaten Guy Person from Any City, USA? No, you give Tiger his fucking respect. Should Florida play Texas State before they earn their #1 ranking? No, you give them their respect. You don’t have to like us, most people don’t, but you better fucking respect us.

Now, on to the “game” we played this week.

I think we should change the name of the “Live” league. It’s very misleading. Mostly because the games we play in the “Live” division aren’t alive at all. They are dead. They’re like zombies. They show a little bit of life, but they are technically dead.  I’m all for people coming out and having a good time. I like having two leagues. But when we, Relax and Let it Happen (5th in the Nation), have to play Live rules, it’s kind of degrading.

*It’s like asking a Cheetah to catch a two-year old on a tricycle with a broken front wheel.

When we play “Live” rules, it’s a waste of our God-given athletic abilities and good looks.

*It’s like asking Lebron James to play on a 6 ft. basket against your local YMCA Seniors league.

*It’s like asking David “The Big Dick Bandit” Stratton to see if he can give a mushroom stamp to a girl standing four feet away from him.

IT’S TOO EASY!

The Tyrannical Teabaggers are a good team. They have athletes all over the field, they’re competitive, and they have a really good first baseman. She is a beast! She belongs on our team. It would’ve been a good game if the athletic abilities of both teams weren’t stunted by the rules. Athletes aren’t meant to stay in the outfield and wait for pop-ups. No! They were meant to run, bunt, throw, kick, and catch. I would say it was boring, but that word doesn’t quite capture the lameness of this game. So, I’ll make up a word. Let’s say it was Gooptackle.

Gooptackle – something that lacks soul or passion, and makes boredom look exciting.

During Capital games, I have a nice shiny glow on my sexual chocolate skin from all the sweat dripping over my rippling body. Our hot girls take off their shirts and dance. David lets it ALL hang out. Sway and D-Ray do the Mexican Hat Dance in the outfield. When Jay talks shit it actually makes sense. It’s fucking fun! But with Live, it’s so GOOPTACKLE, that we just stand there. I was trying to get Devon to take off her shirt, but she said she wasn’t even in the mood. She said the gooptackle was too strong. Nicole said she’d take off her shirt – but what’s new?

So, in closing, 5 things that are more fun than playing LIVE rules.

1. Bathing in a homeless man’s diarrhea.
2. Killing your favorite, most beloved pet with your bare hands.
3. Removing your eyeballs with a plastic spork and a Sweet Leaf Tea bottle cap.
4. Only being able to listen to the latest Lady Gaga album for the rest of your life.
5. Pulling all of the hairs out of your pube-fro with tweezers.
Sorry for getting angry. I should’ve just Relaxed and Let it Happen

RED ROCKETS

Red Rockets

Red Rockets vs. Bazaarvoice Ball Busters

With employees on both teams this was a heated battle with bragging rights on the line in the inaugural matchup. Well I will cut right to the point because that is the way the game went. Rockets got off to an early start tallying up 5 runs in the first inning and all the Ball Busters could do from there is try to make an amazing comeback but they were up against one of the leagues most renowned coaches on the Red Rockets and he simply outcoached his opponent.  It was a good win for the Red Rockets and definitely a wakeup call to the Ball Busters on what kind of off season training they will need to start implementing to compete at this level.

Here is the Ball Busters regrouping after Josh kicked a grand slam in the first inning.  Look how confused they look….

WHERE MY PITCHES AT?

Well, we could have written about how us ‘Pitches’ lost our game.. but how boring is that? We could also spend this time to discuss how amazing the weather was at Gillis last week, quite possibly the best ever.
Or we could talk about how lame we were and didn’t participate in the awesomeness that TITP created, better known as the flashmob mid-game.
No … instead we’d like to take this time to shed some light on how to have better team spirit.
Tips for more fun on the fields:
It’s a 10step program, remarkably similar to a 12 step program that I’m sure many of us kickballers are aware of …

1. No frowny faces ”😦 “… This isn’t kindergarten, no one stole your favorite crayon..or put you in the corner. SMILE.
2. If someone brings beer to the game, the polite response is to DRINK IT.
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff – submitted by “Tuesdays with Morrie”
4. Laugh, it burns calories, and looks way better on you than a miserable scowl
5.  In the words of Lady Gaga, “Just Dance” (amidst the fanny packs, costumes, and other ridiculousness, i highly doubt you’ll be made fun of)
6. Step out of your comfort zone and mingle with the other teams. Meet a friend, make an enemy. Doesn’t really matter, either way you’re getting out of your comfort zone.
7. Wear some flair. Examples of success through flair?
a. Girl Scouts
b. Boy Scouts
c. T.G.I. Friday’s
8. If it’s week 8 and you still don’t know everyone’s name on your team…re-evaluate yourself.
9.  Don’t take yourself too seriously. I mean, we’re playing adult kickball..not training for IronMan.
10. Ask yourself, W.W.C.N.D., What Would Chuck Norris Do?
He’d punch lameness in the face whilst polishing off that 18 pack (in ONE gulp) that’s just chillin on the sidelines…that’s what.

Hope you start smellin’ like Team Spirit,

– ‘Pitches’-

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WAKA

December 3, 2009

PREZ WRITE UP.

 

What?  What is this?  Oh ya… I remember this… THE GMOT!!  We’ve all been slacking big time this season with the GMOT.  It’s usually a cesspool full of debauchery, bitching, trash talking, and pictures that would make your family disown you.  I guess Fall 09 is the season for trying to make your family actually respect you.  Good luck with that I guess… Mine gave up a long time ago.  Got a dog…

 

Since President’s are all into giving “WAR PLANS” and what not these days I thought I’d give you my war plan for the holidays.  Thanksgiving doesn’t count.  Only plan is to eat as much as you can till you fall asleep napping and drool all over your dear grandmother’s new cashmere pant suit.  Why are you so close to your grandma while napping?  That’s your issue… (or is it mine?)  I’m confused… as always…

 

YO HOLIDAYS, YOU’RE MY BITCH:  A PLAN

 

1. Everyone knows that the holidays are really just a chance for you to get together with people you probably wouldn’t be friends with and then convince them that your specific life choices have lead you to be a great and successful person.  Try to show them your potential and display your accolades.  My plan starts by throwing in the towel before you even show up.  Admit that you have it all wrong and have nothing to show for it.  This way they can lavish attention on you and tell you that you really are great.  Who care’s if they’re lying… it will feel good for at least 20 minutes.  So worth it.

 

2. Now that you’ve set the bar low.  Talk about a charitable thing you did.  Now, not only do you have a newfound sense of potential, but you also deserve good things to happen to you.  If you’re looking for something to talk about.  Talk about all the $1.00 donations that you have made this season to the kiddos of Austin.  Those jello death bombs are for a good cause.  Doesn’t it feel good to give back?

 

3. Punch a Family member.  It’s time to throw all that hard earned good graces and toss it out the window.  No holiday is complete without a complete meltdown.  Go to the eggnog dish, take out your flask and spike it right then and there in front of everyone.  Everyone likes a party.

 

Merry (insert whatever you would like here), everyone.   Good luck in the playoffs.

 

Standing under the mistletoe,

 

Grant “mistletoe never works and only gets me slapped” McClendon

*** REMINDER*** 80s & SADIE’s is tomorrow night. Be there.
http://anyvite.com/events/home/wdlcwftg8z

 

 

2010 WAKA Men’s Calendar
Debuts week of Dec. 15th!!!!
Check out the 2009 WAKA Women’s Bikini Calendar

to order your calendar contact Minnie @:

minnie@minniemingle.com

PREZ WRITE UP.

 

What?  What is this?  Oh ya… I remember this… THE GMOT!!  We’ve all been slacking big time this season with the GMOT.  It’s usually a cesspool full of debauchery, bitching, trash talking, and pictures that would make your family disown you.  I guess Fall 09 is the season for trying to make your family actually respect you.  Good luck with that I guess… Mine gave up a long time ago.  Got a dog…

 

Since President’s are all into giving “WAR PLANS” and what not these days I thought I’d give you my war plan for the holidays.  Thanksgiving doesn’t count.  Only plan is to eat as much as you can till you fall asleep napping and drool all over your dear grandmother’s new cashmere pant suit.  Why are you so close to your grandma while napping?  That’s your issue… (or is it mine?)  I’m confused… as always…

 

YO HOLIDAYS, YOU’RE MY BITCH:  A PLAN

 

1.

 

Everyone knows that the holidays are really just a chance for you to get together with people you probably wouldn’t be friends with and then convince them that your specific life choices have lead you to be a great and successful person.  Try to show them your potential and display your accolades.  My plan starts by throwing in the towel before you even show up.  Admit that you have it all wrong and have nothing to show for it.  This way they can lavish attention on you and tell you that you really are great.  Who care’s if they’re lying… it will feel good for at least 20 minutes.  So worth it.

 

2.

 

Now that you’ve set the bar low.  Talk about a charitable thing you did.  Now, not only do you have a newfound sense of potential, but you also deserve good things to happen to you.  If you’re looking for something to talk about.  Talk about all the $1.00 donations that you have made this season to the kiddos of Austin.  Those jello death bombs are for a good cause.  Doesn’t it feel good to give back?

 

3.

 

Punch a Family member.  It’s time to throw all that hard earned good graces and toss it out the window.  No holiday is complete without a complete meltdown.  Go to the eggnog dish, take out your flask and spike it right then and there in front of everyone.  Everyone likes a party.

 

Merry (insert whatever you would like here), everyone.   Good luck in the playoffs.

 

Standing under the mistletoe,

 

Grant “mistletoe never works and only gets me slapped” McClendon

 

 

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WAKA Austin: Week 6

November 19, 2009

WAKA WINTER PROM: 80s & SADIES

80s Prom Guide:

Let’s be honest, all you REALLY need for an 80’s prom dress is a leotard, some tulle and bright colored accessories. However if you’re looking for something special, you have come to the right place. From hairdos and hair bands to inspirational movies to where in the heck do I find some of this awesome, the prom committee is here for you.

For big hair – try Pssst. It is dry shampoo that you can find at Walgreens/CVS. The pros use it for teasing. The bigger the hair the better.
Been searching all over town for the perfect dress? Would you rather buy one than make one? Here is a list of tons of thrift and vintage stores at your disposal.
  • Thrift Town – 5700 Manchaca Rd, Austin, TX 78745-3635
  • Thrift Land – 512 W Stassney Ln, Austin, TX 78745-3155
  • Millions of Goodwills http://locator.goodwill.org/
  • Millions of Salvation Armies www.salvationarmyusa.org
  • New Bohemia – 1606 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704-3522
  • St. Vincent’s thrift store – 1327 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78704-2432
  • Savers – 4001 S Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX   78704 AND  5222 Burnet Rd #600, Austin, TX   78756
  • Top Drawer Thrift – 4902 Burnet Rd, Austin, TX
  • Buffalo Exchange – 2904 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX‎
  • Lucy in Disguise – 1506 Congress Ave S, Austin, TX‎
  • Room Service Vintage – 107 W North Loop Blvd, Austin, Tx
  • Cream Vintage – 2532 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX‎ AND 2210 S. 1st
  • Feathers – 1700 S Congress Ave, Austin, TX

Beware that some thrift stores are cash only.
If you feel like saving time and not driving around town, ebay, craigslist, amazon, etc. ALL have dresses for sale.
Still having trouble channeling your inner-80s? Rent any of these awesome movies below all feature 80s dances. Pretty in Pink
Trick or Treat
Can’t buy me love
Sixteen Candles
Fast times at Ridgemont High
Teen Wolf
Valley Girl
Sixteen Candles
Don’t forget our party is on December 4th at 8 pm @ scholz garden. If you need tips on how to get a date, look at the GMOT from 2 in the pink a few weeks ago and start making your moves tonight!

http://anyvite.com/wdlcwftg8z
(VIEW PROM E-VITE)

The theme is 80s and Sadie’s but that’s just for fun. If you want to go with a gaggle of girlfriends, as a team, as a threesome, as a octet… we love that just as much. Because, let’s face it, that’s actually more representative of what happened in our high school dance lives than having a date.

Off like panties at prom,

The Prom Committee

A Dudes Guide to the 80’s Prom:

Here at Waka we understand that you dudes have no clue what the heck to do with an 80’s prom.  We barely made it through the first prom, right guys?  I mean, a corsage?  It has to match what?  My suit? Her Dress?  It all gets confusing.  Why am I smiling for 20 different mom’s right now?  Did I really need to wear my dad’s scarf?  This looks stupid.

Because we have no idea what we’re doing here, I thought I’d give you some pointers to have a successful Waka 80’s Semi-Sadies Prom.  Here come the pearls of wisdom.  Hint: chicks like pearls.  That one was free…

  • 1. The dumber you dress the sexier you are.  I know this goes against everything you’ve ever known.  No Ed Hardy, no graphic tee’s, no good hair style.  No mossimo, no garbeaux jeans, no Abercrombie and no north face.  All these things got popular in the 90’s and are irrelevant.  Bring some stupid colors, some ruffles, and perhaps a skinny tie or a hat that looks like a red Lego fortress (please don’t make me explain the reference).
  • 2. Dance like a maniac.  It doesn’t have to make sense.  It doesn’t have to look good.  But if you’re sitting in the corner make sure that you “draw attention to yourself, but in a good way.”  It’s in the rulebook.  Everyone likes a guy that laughs at himself.  No one likes the cool guy that thinks it’s nice to go to prom and think about how that girl just dumped him and he’ll never love again.  A) it makes you weak.  B) it makes you dumb.  Party on.

  • 3. Keep it real… While keeping it safe.  Nothing looks worse on a dude than horizontal white and orange.  It’s not slimming and the orange really makes everyone just look jaundice. 

Looking forward to seeing everyone at the end of season party.  Remember it’s Prom, but even better.  Because you aren’t renting a limo and your date doesn’t have headgear.  Oh, and ladies…. I’ll be taking applications for permission to ask me to be your date starting at the end of next week.  100 words or less, please..

Peace and Love,

Grant “My Rambling Even Annoys Myself” McClendon

GUIDE TO 80s MUSIC:

So, you gotta get in the right frame of mind to totally appreciate all that the 80s prom has to offer. And what better way to achieve this than jammin’ out to the best rock to ever grace this earth. Yes, the aural pleasures brought to us by the leather pant wearing GODS of rock, best known as “hair bands”. I’m sure your parents jammed the Motley Crue, Whitesnake, and Poison…Hell, your mom might have had an autographed CeCe Deville head shot.. No? Guess that’s just me.
But that’s besides the point..Alas, here’s a totally rad playlist..guaranteed to make you wish you could be as cool as Bret Micheals.
  • 1. Whitesnake: “Here I Go Again”
  • 2. Motley Crue: “Wild Side”
  • 3. Poison: “Nothin But a Good Time”
  • 4. Def Leppard: “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
  • 5. Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the Jungle”…basically the entire ‘Appetite for Destruction’ album
  • 6. Skid Row ( who didn’t have a crush on Sebastian Bach?): “Here I Am”
  • 7. KISS: any and all of their glory
  • 8. Motley Crue: “Dr. Feelgood”
  • 9. Quiet Riot: “Cum on Feel the Noise”
  • 10.  Tesla: “Love Song”
  • 11. Van Halen: “Panama”
  • 12. Warrant: “Cherry Pie”
  • 13. Bon Jovi: “Livin’ on a Prayer’
  • 14. Twisted Sister: “We’re Not Gonna Take It”… (Dee Snyder never does)
So, put those little gems on your IPOD and prepare to have your mind blown. It’s best enjoyed in the company of a sixer of Bud..and maybe a can of Aqua Net.

PITCH N MOAN

So normally we are a pretty low-keyed, laid back type of peeps , but this
week we felt the need and urge to come out a bit and express ourselves in a
GMOT kinda way.   The Pitches suffered another defeat last night at the
hands of Who’s on First.  Everything seemed in our favor, with Chris
scoring the only run in the game (Kudos to you).  All was well in the world
(birds chirping and little people high fiving each other in the background)
when out of the blue……(dark clouds emersing) the ref yells SAFE…..

It was all down hill from there
We’re just sayin..

Andy started off his thunder pitches with some swagga (too bouncy, ANDY!!).
A few beers and mystery drinks later, he began to see those little dudes
from the Wizard of Oz.  Maybe he was daydreaming or rehearsing his upcoming
part in a low budget Wizard of Oz play (FYI…….I do believe Snelson and
Oakley will be partaking also).  Whatever the case was (we don’t know and
are afraid to ask), His BALLS went wild.

To make matters worse, our fearless pitcher almost got his ass kicked by
what kinda looked like

A few balls were missed and mistakes were made, but overall it was an
interesting night.

Special shout out to our Kickball peeps who played some post game flip cup
with the Moaners!
Happy Drinking to All and to All a Good Night!!

We are Pitch N Moan Motha fuckas!

Relax and Let it Happen

*FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW, WE GAVE WALK-A-SHAME, CAPTAINED BY ANDRE, A 5 POINT LEAD AT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME*

Andre, everyone wants you to be quiet, including Uncle Sam. He’s for free speech and all, but even he has his limits.

If you want to stay out of trouble, here are five things you don’t do:

1. You don’t go camping with Smokey the Bear and tell him how cool you think forest fires look.
2. You don’t go to prison and not expect to get your brown star played with.
3. You don’t slip a Slurpee crazy fast and not expect to get a brain freeze.
4. You don’t forget to courtesy flush when you’re droppin’ bombs over at your bf or gf’s house.
5. YOU DON’T TALK NOISE ABOUT RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN AND EXPECT TO GET AWAY WITH IT.

I used the caps to denote importance. Are you ever gonna go camping with Smokey? No, mostly because he’s not real. He’s a spokesbear, ok? Let’s get real. I just used numbers 1-4 to lead up to #5. We’re really good, especially when we’re playing our rules (5th in the Nation). Most of the time you see us playing, we’re joking around and having a good time. But, when we heard that there was a challenge, and that someone thought they actually had a chance to beat us, you get 100% from us. Which, unfortunately, is 100% better than every other team’s 100%. We did the math. And then David’s dick double checked it (that’s for you Joey).

We started the game down 5 runs, and we ended up winning 12-5. They came close to scoring, but our superior athletic abilities cut them down at home plate twice. I brag a lot, but believe me when I say I had one of the best games of my life. I also had two cool slides at home plate. They couldn’t handle Jay’s pitching and the overall team speed that we brought to the mesa. Whitney, Devon, Shannon, and Nicole proved that hot bitches can play some kickball. Shout out to Devon for her catch. BWALK!!! was back to his old ways…getting on base and quietly talking shit and saying inappropriate things that you feel bad for laughing at.

If you ever act like we’re not the 5th best team in the world, you will have no choice but to Relax and Let it Happen.

I’D KICK THAT

The Week that Was

Ok so I didn’t right a blog last week, but in my defense, last Thursday was a blur for me, too much pregame. I’m pretty sure we lost and I could put some blame out there, but considering he just got a body part ripped out of him as it became it became inflamed, I’ll lay off. Get better P.

Unfortunately, Monday night didn’t go much better for us. Thanks to two late cancelations we started a female short and had to recruit a ringer from the sidelines to defend the plate. She did a great job blocking some of still with appendix P, but we had other defensive problems that hurt us. Namely dropping a big red ball. Then again, we had two innings in which we recorded 4 outs.  I think that should have rolled over like AT&T into the next innings, but that idea was shot down by the man.  Personally, I had one of my better games and I wont bore you with the details (HR, 2 RBI’s, an unassisted double play).  Heading into the final inning we found ourselves down 6-2 and started to storm back rallying to a 6-4 deficit with two on before falling.  The real highlight came for me, when after the game the ump screamed for the next game, “Sit on my face in the field.”  Glorious, there just aren’t too many scenarios where you can scream that in public and not be sued for sexual harassment.

Heading into last night we had lost our way, losing 3 straight.  Luckily for us the schedule makers set us up against team Kicktease.  This team had a couple of athletes, but also had a couple of guys who looked like their due date was last Tuesday, needless to say we felt we had a chance.  The game started as a defensive struggle.  We had first ups and Brian had a nice double, then got greedier the Bernie Madoff and went for a triple and was promptly thrown out.  Nick got on base and it was up to me to bring him home.  I took the second pitch straight into the air to the center fielder, who didn’t have to move to make the catch.  I came back to the bench and received a kick in the butt (literally) from our captain who asked me what the hell I was doing.  The encouragement is deafening on our squad, more on our fearless leader is coming however.

With P out because of said surgery we needed to bring in a new pitcher.  I’m sure we could’ve had one of our guys step it up, but we had future PBA star Tyler sitting at home.  A year ago he would come onto the field (so I’m told) with “Enter Sandman” blaring Mariano Rivera style, minus the Panamanian heritage.  Tyler had everything working, the cutter, curve, speed roller, it was all gold.

The top of the third Ben lead off with a shot and was headed home for the first run of the game.  Somehow the Kickteasers got the ball in and made a desperation heave towards the plate which the ump, who I believe was temperally blinded by the fake beard he was wearing (which made him look like he belonged in a cave in Waziristan), said hit Ben before he crossed the plate.  It was argued, as almost every call that went against us was, to no avail.

So we head to the fourth, still hopelessly deadlocked in a pair of breasts minus the nipples.  This is when we broke through.  Alicia lead off with a single and quickly Brian brought her around to score with a double and avoided his Gordon Gekko desires and stayed on second.  Nick then got a hit and there were two on who were swiftly brought home by my right foot.  Claudia brought me around to score and the rout was on.  In all we scored 5 runs in the inning and that was more than enough for our new ace.

Highlights/Lowlights:

-Perhaps the play of the year, Bottom 5 we are three outs away from breaking the streak.  Tyler on the mound to shut it down and the first kicker sends a low liner straight back to the mound. With out hesitation Tyler makes the one handed catch keeping his cigarette secure in the other, takes a puff, and there was one out.

-Ah, for said captain, what a game indeed. Not only did he piss off the ump to no end with his non-stop complaints to the point that some team members were calling for his ejection (I’m competitive too, but geez, lighten up Terry) but, he flied out twice and showed his magnificent skills as a third base coach.  With one out and sprint champion (really) Sudie on third Terry refused to send her on a ground ball. No big deal, up 5-0, still one out to go.  Then with two outs and a BASE HIT he keeps her on.  Needless to say the team will be putting someone else at third to handle sending or holding the runners.

Link(s) of the week, there were three games so here is a nice little back and forth from a couple of nights ago.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/11/jon-stewart-catches-sean_n_353447.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/12/hannity-jon-stewart-was-r_n_354887.html

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-november-12-2009/sean-hannity-apologizes-to-jon

Until next week.

TYRANNICAL TEABAGGERS



Another week, another 2 wins in the books.  Now, the showdown we’ve all been waiting for (in deep monster truck announcer guy voice):

Thursday, Thursday, Thursday!! Teabaggers.  Relax. 1 vs 2. Good vs evil.  Winners vs losers.

That’s right folks, we finally get our shot at the world-beaters.  I know I’ve personally been looking forward to this matchup for a long time, and it should be a fun one.  So after your game ends or before it begins, come on over, bring some brew, buy some jello shots for the kids, and root on the Teabaggers in our quest to take down the unbeatens.  Hell, even come root against us…just make it rowdy.  And remember, if you find yourself being Teabagged in defeat, just Relax….And Let it Happen.

DONKEY PUNCH

Another week in the life of the most schizophrenic kickball team out there.  Thursday we played our best game possibly ever.  And that wasn’t even with the benefit of the beer goggles, although the Beer View Mirrors were looking good too.  That traffic cone orange is really nice.  The game was six days ago, which is forever.  I just know we rocked it out and I was prouder than a than an Aggie who’d just won first prize at the sheep shearing contest.

And then Monday, well, things didn’t go so well.  I was absent, so without knowing what EXACTLY happened on the field, I’m just going to go ahead and write what I think happened, based on the semi-coherent ramblings of my team.

Colin never made the game, he was abducted by aliens and probed repeatedly.  Glen and Chris couldn’t make it because they are actually sleeper CIA agents and had been activated to carry out a mission in the Brazilian rainforest.  Jen, Jen and Jenn combined into one Supreme Being who for some reason was named “Matilda.”  That’s pretty cool and all, but it left us short fielders. Lisa and Carl tried to lend a veteran presence, but these dang kids nowadays don’t listen to anyone.  And Neil kicked a homerun that is currently orbiting Mars.  I think that’s pretty accurate, yeah?

Congrats Fireballs, you guys punched us fair and square.  Look out Ball Busters, cause now we’re due to come back hot.

WALK OF SHAME

Damn… That was effing terrible. Oh well. We didn’t profess that we would win. We only said that we would merely, “shock the world” and that we were “not scared.” We probably didn’t shock the world, but we definitely weren’t scared. Here are a few lasting thoughts from this game…
*Seriously, having every person bunt on your team everytime is dumb. No one likes it, which is why no one joins Capital, except you guys.
*Relax’s dancing skills are absolutely overrated. We must have been drunk ourselves the first time we watched you shake it. I mean seriously… No Stanky Legg? No “My Dougie” dance? We’ll have to teach you something, sometime.
*What the hell was Joey wearing out there? (By the way, you look like Baby Huey)
*Glad you guys took us seriously enough to actually bring the booze out to the game, that shows us that you actually thought you might lose. We appreciate that… Thank you.
*Also we have compiled a list of sports we know you can’t beat us at….
  1. Basketball
  2. Tennis
  3. Trampoline
  4. Competitive Eating
  5. Sex (It could be a sport…)
  6. Four Square
  7. Poker (It’s on ESPN)
  8. Greco-Roman Wrestling
  9. Judo
  10. Teatherball
That is 10 more ways in which, we know, we are better than you. So go ahead… Have your kickball victory. But in the end our you’ll never be as badass as us. That’s just the hard and simple truth. We’re sorry.
Here at Walk of Shame, it’s birthday season. Every week somebody has one. One of the founders of our little franchise, Kris, had his birthday last week. So we just want to say happy birthday, you’re a slut, and we love you.
We must say, this loss wasn’t without some amazing effort. We won’t ever take one on the ass like this again. We’ll get ’em from here on out. Believe it.
Make no mistake, Walk of Shame will be back and better than ever starting this week. Meet My Meat is next. We’re looking forward to it. Here’s to keeping up our Live winning streak!

RED ROCKETS

See full size image

Well last week was a valiant effort in a 7-6 loss with nine players.  Definitely the first time I have seen the secret kicking order of Meet my meat and a Scottish man pitching in his kilt.  Well put another shrimp on the barbie, eh? However, our makeup game this Monday was impressive with an 8-1 win. We have struggled this season WAKA but when our team shows watch out because we will shoot our rockets all over the field. Field 3 is the real kickball deal with dugouts and a backstop, so official and so nice, me gusta.

Play of the week… Some guy did a very awkward looking running jumping backwards throw from outfield and landed with his own heal going up his butt as he let out a back arch and look on his face verifying that yes the foot definitely made insertion, sweet play whoever you are!

2 IN THE PINK

Our extensive research indicates that kegs = fun . Last season, our signature game involved a keg and the teabaggers. This year, it involved a keg and well hung over. Both were epic… but as with any team, we have matured and developed our strategy.  This year involved garbage bag capes, flip cup, sparkly headbands, drinking gloves, a braiding competition, nipple tassels oi oi oi and chugging half a beer from the keg before you ran the bases. The pictures below reflect the absolute Glory of Two in the Pink.


Pearl of Wisdom from TITP,
Todd:  “Doesnt matter how you get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  All that matters is you beat the leprechaun”

WHERE MY PITCHES AT?

‘Pitches’ lost (barely) to the Livers last week. Despite the Pitches’ valiant efforts and the amazing healing powers of the fannypacks..we inevitably lost the game. This week we’re up against Weapons of Mass Consumption… I hope they’re ready for mass destruction..because that’s what’s coming. So heads up WMC, the Pitches, Chewie, and the FPs are coming…

Skeletor will be serving up a nice heaping portion of Defeat to the WMC tonight…check it yo.

Prost!

‘Pitches’

SIT ON MY BASE

Sit On My Base gives Rubber Balls and Liquor a shot in the ass.
What a game!!! All 15 players on this team contributed to our big W. Fun was had by all especially when vodka and pickle juice shots are involved.
We also apologize for contributing to the noise level. However, you must admit airhorns are AWESOME!

Fall 2009 Standings_wk6M

Damn… That was effing terrible. Oh well. We didn’t profess that we would win. We only said that we would merely, “shock the world” and that we were “not scared.” We probably didn’t shock the world, but we definitely weren’t scared. Here are a few lasting thoughts from this game…
*Seriously, having every person bunt on your team everytime is dumb. No one likes it, which is why no one joins Capital, except you guys.
*Relax’s dancing skills are absolutely overrated. We must have been drunk ourselves the first time we watched you shake it. I mean seriously… No Stanky Legg? No “My Dougie” dance? We’ll have to teach you something, sometime.
*What the hell was Joey wearing out there? (By the way, you look like Baby Huey)
*Glad you guys took us seriously enough to actually bring the booze out to the game, that shows us that you actually thought you might lose. We appreciate that… Thank you.
*Also we have compiled a list of sports we know you can’t beat us at….
  1. Basketball
  2. Tennis
  3. Trampoline
  4. Competitive Eating
  5. Sex (It could be a sport…)
  6. Four Square
  7. Poker (It’s on ESPN)
  8. Greco-Roman Wrestling
  9. Judo
  10. Teatherball
That is 10 more ways in which, we know, we are better than you. So go ahead… Have your kickball victory. But in the end our you’ll never be as badass as us. That’s just the hard and simple truth. We’re sorry.
Here at Walk of Shame, it’s birthday season. Every week somebody has one. One of the founders of our little franchise, Kris, had his birthday last week. So we just want to say happy birthday, you’re a slut, and we love you.
We must say, this loss wasn’t without some amazing effort. We won’t ever take one on the ass like this again. We’ll get ’em from here on out. Believe it.
Make no mistake, Walk of Shame will be back and better than ever starting this week. Meet My Meat is next. We’re looking forward to it. Here’s to keeping up our Live winning streak!
h1

waka Austin: Week 5

November 12, 2009

grantprez

Dear Kickballers,

Welcome to Week *&^!!!  I use these random signals because I’m just as confused as you guys are about what week it actually is and what is actually going to happen in my life.  I know that we’re playing kickball tonight so I know that I’m happy and scared and nervous and… horny?  I dunno…

So far this year we’ve had shockers-a-plenty, dudes in daisy dukes, jello shots for the kids, and a little kickball as well.  We’ve had guys in trashbags, chicks in playing cards, boozing robots and some board member that really knows her porn walking around in public.  I hope you’ve all had as good a time as I have.

I’m so excited about tonight’s games that I’m bringing back my favorite feature.  So, without any more delay, here are your horoscopes for this week:

Aries – Seemingly out of nowhere you will seem to feel more svelt and well put together.  Then you will wipe the fog from your mirror and realize you were just imagining it and should really get a life.

Taurus – New opportunities will arise for you with the opposite sex tonight.  Then you will mention something about your ex, blow it, and drink too much.  Sorry about that..

Gemini – You will find yourself able to throw perfectly, catch perfectly, and kick farther than ever before.  You will, however, also find yourself talking to person no one really knows and isn’t sure how they got there and then miss game time.  Oops.

Cancer – While going to your car in the morning you will narrowly escape getting poo-ed on by a flying bird.  Don’t really have much else to say about it.  Good job.

Leo – Two words, one terrible nightmare:  Shart. Foreplay.

Virgo – Your boss will acknowledge you for your achievements.  Praising you for your hardwork.  5 minutes after you give him your two weeks.  Someone call Alanis Morissette..

Libra – A stranger will literally walk up and kick you in the shin.  This is your chance to kick their ass.  Seriously, the “gods” don’t mind and we got your back.

Scorpio – You will wake up with Chumbawumba – Tubthumper playing on your car radio and literally have the best day you’ve had in weeks.

Sagittarius – The person ahead of you in the 10 items or less checkout line will literally have 30 items.  This will infuriate you and you will want to go postal like Mike Douglas.  DO. NOT. DO. THAT.

Capricorn – You will use bing for the first time ever.  You will then swear to never use a computer again because you are so confused you might as well be a 70 year old trying to run a regression analysis in excel.   Don’t hit the computer, its not it’s fault.

Aquarius – Your significant other will tell you that you should do more to look like their celebrity crush.  You will say that is bullshit and go hit on a stranger.

Pisces – Does anyone even remember that this is an astrological sign?  Anyways, you will be forgotten about and not invited to the party.  The party was a drug raid and everyone went to jail but you.

POWER POLLS


That’s right, they’re back.
After a season off due to writer’s block, it’s time to unveil the latest Power Polls. Please bear in mind, these rankings are based on absolutely nothing besides the committee’s whims. You can win and move down or lose and move up. You’re whole team can make a giant scene and you’ll be that team made a giant scene. The only thing that IS certain is that if you don’t like your ranking, do something, anything, to change it. Without further ado, debuting at #1 is… wait, it’s a tie?

1. Tyrannical Teabaggers. Same number of votes as Relax, but they’ve given up fewer runs.

2. Relax and Let it Happen. They may be 5th in the nation but they still haven’t beaten the Teabaggers.

3. 40 Bounces to Freedom. Still sore from losing the Live regular season in the final week, they’ve come out smoking.

4. Walk of Shame. It they could only score they’d be deadly. But 0-0 ties are fun, right?

5. We’ve got the Runs. As long as we keep seeing Wendell on TV, they remain relevant.

6. Kickopotamus X. Not sure if they are one of the best teams or one of the worst. Depends on which inning you watch them play.

7. Liver Let Die. They are the Texas Tech of Capital, they always seem to play 2nd fiddle…

8. Weapons of Mass Consumption. Anyone remember when they were Sweat n’ Balls and everyone beat them? I sure don’t.

9. Born Again Virgins. They’re perverted. They have a rapper on their team. We like them.

10. Jorts on the Green. Commitment to the name. These guys wear Jorts. Every week. And they are looking good, I mean, uh, sexy?

11. Fireballs. Wicked defense, 6 runs allowed in 5 games.

12. Bazaar Voice Ballbusters. The alliteration alone advances them above all… Except the 11 teams in front of them.

13. Donkey Punch. Because that name makes me laugh too hard.

14. Whose on 1st. If a team Sits on my Base but no one was there to watch it, did it really happen?

15. Sit on My Base. If they didn’t have a proven track record, they’d be much lower. Something tells me their winning ways will return though.

16. Where my Pitches at? Two words: Fannie Packs.

17. I’d Kick That. They can put up the runs (21, second in league) but they can’t stop anyone.

18. Dunder Siege II. Oh how we miss Elois. DUNDERRRR!!!

19. Two in the Pink. If this was the Drunken Power Polls they’d be the undisputed #1.

20. Red Rockets. We need to see Great Dane puppies by the end of the season.

21. Rubber Balls and Liquor. Their name is confusing. I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned.

22. Meet my Meat. Maybe it’s just a Technicality, but I think they’ll get on track.

23. Kick Tease. Several veterans of Smirkin Merkins didn’t bring the party with them. Amber and Tina, were y’all the party poopers?

24. Beerview Mirrors. A win’s a win, right? Love the traffic cone orange color.

25. Well Hungover. We can safely say there are no members of this team on our fantasy kickball squad.

26. Pitch and Moan. Flip cup prowess aside, you can’t forfeit a game.


TWO IN THE PINK

FINAL2

· If Two in the pink does five keg stands and you do five keg stands, Two in the pink did more keg stands than you did. And looked better doing it.

· Even when the score says you win, Two in the Pink still wins.

· Two in the pink doesn’t go to parties, they are the party.

· Being drunk by a two in the pink-er is a beers favorite way to die

· Yes, 2 in the pink actually IS better than you.

· When 2 in the pink drinks, the whole world wins

· Two in the Pink doesn’t throw up if they drink too much. Two in the Pink throws down

· Two in the pink doesn’t drink people under the table, they drink and then hit them with a table for not keeping up

· If you Google search “Two in the pink being lame” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’thappen.

· Two in the Pink once drank an entire jug of pink panty droppers. And kept their panties on.

· Two in the Pink doesn’t sing meatloaf, meatloaf sings two in the pink

· When Two in the Pink is in a crowded area, they dont walk around people. They walk over them.

Yours in keg stands and poison,

2 in the pink

DONKEY PUNCH

donkey-punch

What a difference a week makes.  Last Thursday we got obliterated by Sit on My Base.  They’d been plotting all offseason for revenge from the playoffs last summer and those voodoo dolls really worked wonders.

Then Monday rolls around: Terrible conditions, not a full team on hand, playing the highest scoring team in the league and we roll.  Maybe it was the Monday night aspect (we’re now undefeated all-time on Monday.)  Maybe it was that whole “getting runners on base thing.”  Personally, I think it was the shirts.  Namely, we didn’t wash ours.  Most had been at the bottom of the hamper all weekend, moldering alongside work clothes and sweat pants.  Some we’re left in trunks.  I think Colin’s shirt ended up buried in the back yard by the dog…

Anyway, it worked.  So from this point on, we’re not washing our shirts and we’re going all the way.  Well, that as long as Lisa keeps catching everything and going perfect at the plate.  And Sean returns from exile and knocks in two.  And Carl keeps placing perfect kicks.  And Jen M goes 2-2 and scores.  And Neil boots bombs to right.  And…

Where My Pitches At?

straps-on-his-fanny-pack

(that’s right even the Justice League sports an FP..what??)

Due to the lack of kickball (thanks to the monsoons that have plagued the 512 area), team moral has been low. What is one to do on a Thursday evening without the glorious red ball, beer, and superior fannypacking? Not much..unless you can find a Motown Party..but that’s besides the point. Our first game back since the rain, and we played well. Todd scored excellently for the team, and there were several awesome catches in the outfield that helped us win the game. Another fannypack joined the team as well, look for the fanny-bumping mid game..it’s cathartic.
Post game celebration involved a few ‘Pitches’ and some 2 In The Pinks and one rogue Donkey Puncher celebrating their victories with Ariel, Prince eric, sebastian, flounder and king triton. That’s right..a Disney sing-a-long..go ahead, be jealous.

ursula
(this is what you’ll look like if you kiss a Ginger…) But if you insist on Ginger love, then please use this:

GINGER

This  Thursday we face off against Liver Let Die, who by the way, seem to have procured a miniature statue of President Grant McClendon. I know what you’re thinking…”that’s a leprechaun!” But, if you look closely..you’ll see the fine chiseled features of the ginger that we all know as Grant.
Just don’t ask what’s in the pot of gold, you.don’t.want.to.know.

Anyways, watch out Livers, because we’re out for vengeance. We let you win last time, but not again….not again.

Cheers!
WhereMyPitchesAt?

-Pitches.

WALK OF SHAME

By Andre Rodgers
Walk of Shame
Hooray!!! Celebration was in the air last week for the Walks! Cindy and Rebecca both celebrated their birthdays! That must have been what we needed to get a boost because…. Finally some freaking offense from the Walks! How about that! Biggest offensive burst in like three seasons. 7 runs! We have to give it to the Ball Busters, their team name is weird, but they had heart. They might be something really tough to handle come playoffs. We dont want to see them again.
I don’t know if you guys know this yet, but I really love our team. Walk of Shame legends Chris, Mizzy, Kris, Jorge, and Dre all scored! While Walk of Shame newcomers Rebecca and G both scored on a homerun by G. It was badass. Even Cindy came, oh so close to scoring on her birthday. Are we turning a corner? Let’s see! Way to play hard out there! We are halfway there folks! Let’s keep it going!!!
As for the team we play next….. We don’t care what state you played kickball in last month…ObamaNotScared

RELAX AND LET IT HAPPEN

Welcome fellow kickballers. I’m Justin Grady and I’m going to be guiding you through another championship year for the dynasty that is Relax and Let it Happen. If you’re new and you don’t know who I am, just ask who the best catcher/leadoff man in Texas and maybe the country is. If that doesn’t work, I’m the guy that’s a slick fielding combination between Willie Mays Hays and the Patrick Swayze of Dirty Dancing…because nobody puts Grady in a corner.

This week we played Where My Pitches At? After losing to us 3-0, they are thinking about changing their name to Where My Wins At? or maybe How Does Relax Do That? They played us well. They have a veteran team with a couple of good guys and a few good girls. We played horrible, but at least they didn’t score on us. They came close in the first inning but Joey threw a wonder strike to home plate and I finished it off with an equally amazing tag out.

Shout out to Erin for coming in and representing on her first game. She got on twice in the two weirdest ways but we’ll take it. David was running around like a crazy person all night. If you get a chance, ask him how big his dick is. Nicole had some classy bunts, as did Shannon. Other than that, we kinda played like shit, but when you’re as good as us, you can afford to win ugly sometimes.

On Monday we play Liver Let Die. We will beat them, just like we beat everyone else.

h1

WAKA Austin – Fall 2009

November 4, 2009

Week

Donkey Punch

donkey-punch

What a difference a week makes.  Last Thursday we got obliterated by Sit on My Base.  They’d been plotting all offseason for revenge from the playoffs last summer and those voodoo dolls really worked wonders.

Then Monday rolls around: Terrible conditions, not a full team on hand, playing the highest scoring team in the league and we roll.  Maybe it was the Monday night aspect (we’re now undefeated all-time on Monday.)  Maybe it was that whole “getting runners on base thing.”  Personally, I think it was the shirts.  Namely, we didn’t wash ours.  Most had been at the bottom of the hamper all weekend, moldering alongside work clothes and sweat pants.  Some we’re left in trunks.  I think Colin’s shirt ended up buried in the back yard by the dog…

Anyway, it worked.  So from this point on, we’re not washing our shirts and we’re going all the way.  Well, that as long as Lisa keeps catching everything and going perfect at the plate.  And Sean returns from exile and knocks in two.  And Carl keeps placing perfect kicks.  And Jen M goes 2-2 and scores.  And Neil boots bombs to right.  And…

grantprez

How’s it hangin’ all you kickballers out there in the great city of Austin, Texas?  I know it seems like its been four score (hey oh! He said score!!) and 7 year since we last got together and played that wonderful sport they call kickball.   And that’s because it has.  As you know, we have that dirty hooker-faced lady named “Mother Nature” to blame for this but somehow I want to pin this on terrorism.  So… terrorists suck.  Take that, Bin Laden.

Anywho, I’ve been missing my constituents (that’s you guys) more than poor Slick Willy (that’s Bill Clinton) misses his fine cigars.  And I’m not ok with that.  Just in case you have all forgotten how things work, I thought I’d give you a few reminders of how to maximize your awesome quota for the evening at kickball.  Thus, I give you Grant’s ways to be as awesome as floating balloon with a pretend kid inside:

  1. Attitude is Altitude.  Put your happy faces on.  No one likes to play kickball against or with someone who has his or her “I didn’t get any action on Halloween and now I’m bitter” faces on.  It’s a bad look, and it won’t improve your chances.

  1. Say Hi to a stranger.  We all know that your team has the pun-y-est name in kickball and you are all badasses and could cure cancer with your tears; however, we also know that you cry alone in your bedroom listen to Sinead O’Connor on repeat and wanting something to cuddle.  Go let yourselves go… you’ll like the results.

  1. Board says to say something about picking up trash.  While I know this doesn’t sound like being as awesome as a balloon with a kiddo, it has to happen.  AND you are saving the world.  That’s kind of neat, I think…

  1. Bring some money for the kids.  Jello shots rule and make people like you more.  That’s just science.  And if that seems like “stupid mumbo jumbo that Grant made up” then I say this:  Donating to kids is even that more sexy and looks good on ya.  Just like I do…  HEY HEY!!  **insert dirty wink and creepy smile**

I can’t wait to see you guys out there this week.  We’re playing week 6 games.  Check the website and find your game times.  Feel free to print out my rules I just gave you and use it in everyday life.  If it doesn’t land you in jail, you’ll become president of a small country.  I guarantee it… not really… ok, kind of… but seriously, I don’t.

Much <3,

Grant “sexy pits” McClendon

MID SEASON PARTY: ANYTHING but CLOTHES…

Charity Update:  I want to thank everyone who placed bids at the Silent Auction at the Anything but Clothes Party.  We raised over $300 for Blue Santa thanks in large part to our highest bid of the night placed by Brit from Born Again Virgins.  Since the games were rained out last week and we didn’t get to see all of our auction participants dressed up we are going to put them in costume at next Thursday’s game.
As always we will have jello shots at all of the games including any make up games. And remember, it’s for the kids so be sure to bring cash.  Looking forward to seeing you all at the fields.

Alaina

The Auction Block:Auction Collage

What do a pillow case, a deck of cards and a shocker flag all have in common? They make amazing costumes.

My favorite thing about costume parties? People are always one step more crazy in a costume.
Who drank way too many double whiskey and ginger ales? Everyone in these photos.
XOXO,

Lundy

Photos from the Partay:

Auction Collage 2

WAKA AUSTIN:

CHARITY AUCTION 2K9

Hey kickballers,

We are off to a great start this season!  We have already raised $382 for our charity.  As some of you may have noticed I am not the only one selling Jello Shots this season so look for Lacy, Sloane and occasionally Lundy to be sporting the backpack of awesomeness too. Don’t forget to bring cash… We are unable to take credit cards, checks or iou’s.

I hope all of you are looking forward to the Mid-Season Anything but Clothes party on Friday!  We have decided to do an Auction to raise more money for our charity so here is how it works.  We have selected several kickballers and they will go up on the block.  If you purchase them you can dress them up however you would like for the games on October 29th.  If you purchase one of the players you are responsible for providing the costume and you must clear it with them first.   We will be accepting checks as well as cash so make sure you bring one of those forms of payment.  If you have any questions feel free to email me alainay@gmail.com.

And don’t forget to do it for the kids…

Alaina

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Remember in the last email when we said “location may change” for the midseason party? Well it has!  We are now going to continue the tradition of mid season parties on the east side by going to The Liberty on E. 6th.

Drinks are cheaper (which means MORE of them), they have games (bocce ball, washers, pool, pinball and galaga) and they’ll let us use a PA for the auction announcement.

Details:

  • Anything but clothes party
  • You’ll be drinking “free” until the bar tab runs out
  • Carpool if you can, parking is street only
  • Charity auction will kick off @ 9:00 and you can bid on people until 10 pm. Benefits our charity.
  • +1s are invited… but we ask them to chip in $5 to offset their drinking.

The anyvite is here with details: http://anyvite.com/v0o9snajz6

On The Auction Block….

drea
Name: Drea “Queen of Green”

Team: Walk of Shame

Sign: Pisces

Favorite color: Green or Blue

Likes: Hanging on the beach, beating everyone in an Irish car bomb chug off, kicking doubles, seeing double, and having the dirtiest mouth known to man.

Dislikes: Pretentious, judgemental, closed minded people..not that I judge them or anything…

Potential Buyer: Must want to have a good time. Must also put up or shut up.

kia
Name: Kia

Team: Donkeypunch (aka baby Jesus born again)

Sign: Leo (Rawr)

Favorite color: green

Likes: Kickball, Vegas, Kickball in Vegas, Yagerbombs, Yagerbombs with Kickball in Vegas.

Dislikes: People who don’t play kickball.

Potential Buyer: Someone with lotsa cash (I’m a gold digger)


auctionName: Brittany Lane & Erin Shirley, aka “B – Lane & E-Money”

Team: Where My Pitches At?

Sign: Virgo & Libra

Favorite Color: red & green

Likes: fun, the beach, dance parties, mac n cheese, fannypacks
Dislikes: onions (B Lane), unicorns, Restless Leg Syndrome, and the jonas brothers.

Potential Buyer: we’re looking for someone who can bench over 200 pounds, kick swine flu in the snout, make a mean pot pie and can sing the golden girls theme song.

cam
Name: Cameron Kushwara, “Kickball Cam”

Team: Donkey Punch

Sign: Aries

Favorite Color: Red

Likes: I like tattoos, kitties and midgets.

Dislikes: parachute pants, bad grammar and pink-themed weddings.

Potential Buyer: I’m looking for someone that will dress me in the most hideous, inappropriate costume imaginable.

lundy
Name: Megan Lundquist, “Lundy”

Team: Two in the Pink, formerly Smirkin Merkins

Sign: Cancer

Favorite Color: electric blue

Likes: blacking out, standing on things, Ego’s, gas station beverages, Sunday Funday, mustaches
Dislikes: people who sing Maroon 5 at karaoke bars, visors, work, clowns, Under-inflated balls, and Reality TV

Potential Buyer: must have a liberal attitude toward showering, leathery aroma of a real man, be able to drink everyone under the table or black out trying.

dre
Name: Andre Rodgers, “Dr.Dre”

Team: Walk of Shame

Sign: Leo

Favorite Color: Blue

Likes: Mad Dog 20/20, Wild Irish Rose, Vegas, Women of Walk of Shame, Women of 40 Bounces, ESPN, Michael McDonald, and Applebees

Dislikes: Bob Stoops, Tom Cruise, Bar Snobs, People who use big words for no real reason, and Myspace

Potential Buyer: Someone like Lady Gaga

Sloane
Name: Sloane

Team: Tyrannical Teabaggers

Sign: Taurus

Favorite color: Yellow

Likes: Winning the Kickball Championship Title, Dancing uncontrollably with the Pinkertons (aka Two in the Pink), well… really anything to do with kickball. The STDs=Sports, Traveling, and Drinking.

Dislikes: people who don’t know what teabagging is

Potential Buyer: Someone who isn’t afraid to have a good time, get drunk, and made stupid mistakes! Wow, that sounds like everyone on my kickball team… awesome!

Grant
Name: Grant Stephenson Akins McClendon, “Ginga Ninja,” “Gmoney,” “Star of your wildest dreams”

Team: Well Hung-over

Likes: Gchatting instead of working.

Hate: getting my feet wet when I’m only wearing socks.

Sign: Aries…I love unicorns and walks on the beach.

Favorite color: Blue, duh.

Potential buyer: Two words: Rich. Cougar.

Minnie
Name: My-Tien (pronounced “meeting”) “Minnie”

Team: Depends on what day it is. Oh kickball, Sit on my Base

Sign: Capricorn

Favorite color: Yerrow

Likes: Pension funds, liquid assets

Dislikes: STDs and the opposing team

Potential buyer: A keg of Mirrer Rite

joey
Name: Joey, “The Big Guy”

Team: Relax and Let it Happen

Sign: Capricorn

Favorite color: Blue

Likes: Texas, Money, Lakes, People Watching, Food and Beer.

Dislikes: losing

Potential buyer: Deep Pockets

and now the team write-ups….

WEAPONS OF MASS

CONSUMPTION

WeaponsLogo-500
Always looking forward to kickball Thursday’s. This week we played
against the Beerview Mirrors…. Strong team, but not strong enough to
beat the Weapons of Mass Consumption. I have to say though, they put
up a good fight…With their spider monkey boy running around in chucks
dodging every single ball we threw at him, even from a close distance.
Incredible but WTF… How do you not slip and fall in those shoes?
They have absolutely no traction.  Anyway, we started out
disorganized, with several people out or running late, and were not at
full strength.  We were down 1-0 after several kickers, but 1/2 way
through the 1st inning 2 more teammates arrived and we were at as full
strength as we would be for the night, but from this time on, we

didn’t let them score another run the rest of the game as our defense kicked it up a notch and was rocking..  In the end, we kicked a home run, and 1 additional run, to win 2-1.

WMD(Jared, Noelle, Katie and Jason)

RUBBER BALLS & LIQUOR

rubber logo

Finally a true team we became
By donning our shirts even though another team had the same.

A few players short we tried our best
Our kicks had power, our bunts had zest.

Our defense was solid, only two runs were scored
From not until the end, there will be no more.

I’d Kick That

Week One: Setting the tone
The skies were electric, but that didn’t compare to the electricity in Gillis Park in Austin, Texas.  Day one of the Fall 2009 Kickball season was about to get underway, as soon as the lights got turned on, forty-five minutes later than the original start time. All complaints can be forwarded to the league offices.

If anything it gave we, the members of I’d Kick That, more time to pregame and get (re) acquainted with one another.  As the team started to filter in and we watched our fearless leader (said captain) take 15 minutes to parallel-park, there was a team building exercise of shot gunning a cold one.  Not all the members decided to take part in the event (myself included), some, such as Jess T, were quickly peer pressured into it.  Whatever the case, it gave certain members of the team a bounce in their step, especially Rick who only finished half his beer and quickly tried to make up for it by asking for a mulligan.

As the first game was winding down, our opponents drew near and started sucking up to our new mascot, Frodo….or Baxter…..or Toreetzo(sp?), whatever,  either way, it was a ploy that would not work out for the team in jorts(which was a pretty good idea for a team, I mean hilarious, everyone in cut off jeans, I’m sure their preseason meeting was like a scene out of Project Runway with their captain coming around like Tim* critiquing the length and fray of the shorts. Unfortunately for them I think they used too many jeans from their junior year of high school because some of those guys looked, how you say, restricted.).

Soon the game was underway, good things happened early and often.  The top of the first went quick and was capped off with an unbelievable diving catch in foul territory by Don.  The bottom of the first was just as impressive for I’d Kick That, as after two quick hits, Rick stepped up and hammered a three-run shot into the next field.  The tone was set.  We rolled to a 7-4 victory behind some other highlights, which included: the infamous 4th out, impeding the base runners of the other team, Pussy taking the longest turn to second in history, before heading on to third only having to go back to second (he did end up scoring, so he’s got that going for him).

Some other things I noticed throughout the evening.  There is no way to catch a kickball and make it look good (unless you do a diving roll in foul ground).  The fields are way to close together. I had ongoing conversations with other the outfielders from the other game, some nice people(until we play them)!  Catcher is by far the easiest position on the field, you don’t even catch the ball when the other player lets the ball go, the ump (who couldn’t count) or the batter threw it back 90% of the time.  Outfielder shifts shouldn’t be called for mid pitch.

Inspirational link of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_h7Lm7C9Nk
For those of you who read Bill Simmons, yes I know, I completely ripped this off, but I don’t care.  I love the “air” dribbling he does at the start and how he calls the fact that he has the original tape there a “special bonus.”  This should’ve made your creative juices ooze.

Until next Thursday, kick on.

* I had to look up that guy’s name so I get to keep my man card.

Week 2   Pitching Wins Championships:

So the second week I’d Kick That got off to a slow start.  Many of us showed up with little time to pre-game, which showed in the early innings at the plate.  Luckily for our squad our ace hurler was on six days rest.  Tariq was on fire throwing curves, rollers, and small bouncers to every hitter he faced.  The…the….who the hell were we playing?  I never caught their name and probably didn’t need to they were rather shabby.  Either way, I didn’t think a shutout was possible considering the blur that most teams are playing in you have to figure there would be a couple of errors in the field.  Oh and we had those errors, Big “P” just came through on the mound.

High/Low-lights of week two:

Guys always think that girls can’t catch.  Well anyone who was watching our squad last week knows that isn’t the case.  Bases loaded and one out in the top of the first, some guy hits a hot line drive straight at Jess H at third.  The runner on third, also a dude, didn’t hesitate taking off for home.  Unfortunately for them Jess H came up with the grab and then instead of taking all the glory and getting the unassisted double play, she threw the ball to our SSS Terry like it was a bag full of Ebola.  Some might say that she didn’t know she could just step on third, however her teammates know that she didn’t want all the thunder.

Top of the second our leadoff man, Rick, knew the importance of getting on.  He smacks one towards right field and took off.  He took off and dove for first base to beat the throw.  Unfortunately his dive started after about two steps toward first.  Apparently he was trying to move way to fast for what his legs could handle, hmm dirt tastes good doesn’t it Rick.

Some inning, the no-names are at bat and Brandi in LCF is enjoying her beer and chatting it up, not realizing that she may have to do something.  As one would guess the ball is all of a sudden sailing towards center.  Brandi doesn’t hesitate as she takes off toward the ball.  Kelly then informs her that it would be easier to catch the ball if she had both hands available in the form of, “Brandi drop your beer!”  Apparently Brandi took that as “I should spike my cup like I just caught a touchdown in the Super Bowl and see how much of the beer I can splash all over myself.”  Sacrificed the beverage and didn’t make the catch, soaked herself like she was in a wet t-shirt contest in Cancun.

Other observations:  It’s a good thing this league doesn’t test for performance enhancers, all of our runs in this game came off HRs.  Our captain shouldn’t try over the head falling away throws, it didn’t look good, at all, I mean really bad, pathetic really.  “P” got a strikeout, really, somebody couldn’t hit the ball in fair ground four times connecting with the ball, unreal.  A player shouldn’t call for a fly ball over and over until the last moment and let it go over their head, I’m looking at you Claudia.

Inspirational link of the week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZukVN_djZds

We don’t have this kind of hazing on our team for the rookies, lucky for me.  Do you think the rookies for the Cavs will make sure to get him his doughnuts considering he just got busted with two handguns strapped to him and a sawed off shotgun in a guitar case while riding his motorcycle? “Better have my doughnuts!”

Week Three:  The bitter taste…..

Unbelievably I’d Kick That suffered it’s first and surely only defeat of the season to a group with the longest name ever who seemed to have 3 girls on their team, at most.  Ok, ok, maybe they did have the correct allotment, but a couple of them were tweeners, believe me.

The real reason though that I feel we went down, other than the abundance of he/she’s, was that god-awful start time.  I mean 6:30 is wayyy too early to get a decent buzz going.  Let’s face it, this is the closest thing to pool or darts that I’ve come across in which alcohol definitely heightens ability.  I felt like a west coast NFL player going to New York for a noon start (for those of you who don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, 1) you’re un-American, 2) that’s like trying to play a game at 9a.m).  That forty-minute hold up on Mopac didn’t exactly help either.

Lowlights, we had a really bad day in the field and scoring only two runs, a pretty bad day at the plate, that’s all I have to say about that.

Other thoughts, we need Don to get back this week, I mean the guy has had three homeruns in four at-bats in the first two games and then doesn’t show for the third, what the hell?  If it’s a contract dispute we can fix it Don, we’ll alternate bringing you beer each week.  I hope we never play at 6:30 or on field four ever again, possibly cursed for our squad, I’ll let you know if we end up getting screwed and have to play at that time and/or field again.

Inspirational link of the week:  Hide the grandparents, they’re real!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/26/your-friendly-neighborhoo_n_269388.html

WELL HUNG OVER

Well… Uh… When you lose 13-2, there is only one thing to say:

OUCH

WHERE MY PITCHES AT?

WhereMyPitchesAt?

A returning team in the “Capital” division.. ‘Where My Pitches At?” is off to a good start. As of now we’re 1-2, but we’re just gettin’ started people. We’ve got the spirit, talent, and general bad-ass attitude to do really well this season. New ‘Pitches’ this season: Pete, Allison, J Kee, Stevie, Jim, Brian, Cranch, and Mike. You should already know the repeat offenders, but in case not… Nathan, Alex, Kevin, Todd, E Money, and B Lane.

goldfpSome call it a waist belt, others the ‘fanny pack’..but we ‘Pitches’ refer to it as the harbinger of fucking awesomeness. What’s better than a pouch strapped to your waist that holds all things valuable? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. In a recent Gallup poll, it’s the preferred method of carrying valuables 80% of the time, all the time.
Heads up to Liver Let Die, congrats on the win..but remember, there will be a rematch.

Cheers!
Your friendly ‘Pitches’

2 In The Pink

10423_1244704763621_1409431938_697574_3836167_n

We know you’ve seen us around. You’ve thought to yourself, “Did they slide in dirt? Is that a shocker symbol on that ridiculously large flag? Did she do three kegstands? Man, I wish one of those tie dye wearing chicks would go to the prom with me.”

Well, being the extremely kind and giving (not that way, perv) team that we are, we want to help you out on your desirability factor. Therefore we have compiled a list of what not to wear or do in order to get invited to prom by that hottie you have been eyeing.

10) Capri pants. You don’t live in Europe. If you rode your bike, wear regular size pants and roll up the leg.

9) Earrings. Anywhere really.

8) Being overly competitive. Cussing/yelling at ladies during games is not sexy. We don’t think it is cute and it doesn’t make you more of a man in our eyes. Is winning really more important than getting some hottie to ask you to prom? Crying/moping is also NOT hot.

7) Fake tans. No explanation needed.

6) Blue-tint or mirrored Sunglasses. It is definitely not cool that you are looking at other chicks while talking to me. Girls like to see your eyes or at least know you are TRYING to pay attention. Plus you just look like a douche.

5) Jorts. Some people can pull these off (hipsters, emo-kids) but really? Denim does not breathe, sweaty balls are not cool.

4) Cut off sleeves. Is it REALLY that hot out here that you have to hug me and rub your arm pit hair in my face. NO thanks.

3) Affliction and/or Ed Hardy t-shirts. Either you want to prove that you are afflicted or that you like to waste tons of money on an ugly bedazzled t-shirt. Neither is a good choice.

2) Shaved Chest Hair. If we wanted to date a GIRL, we would become a lesbian. Women like REAL men…fyi. Plus we do not want to cuddle with a thousand tiny shards of your chest hair growing back.

1) Visors. Do you think the fact that you are showing off that you have hair is impressive? Your scalp is getting burned and you look like an idiot.

For more tips of what NOT to do, please see this website.

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Also for the ladies – you might want to start looking for prom dresses. In town selection is limited, EBAY is not. Just fyi.

Off like panties at prom,

collage2 2inthepink

WALK OF SHAME


Fun Facts About Walk of Shame:

We are 5 seasons deep in here.

-We are undefeated.

-We introduced the league to Mad Dog 20/20 and Wild Irish Rose.

-Our pitcher does the Stanky Legg every chance she gets. (Mizzy)

-Our 3rd Basewoman is a sucker for love and got engaged last week. (Drea)

-Our Short Stop is probably drunk at this very minute. (Kris)

-Every guy on the team likes to watch wrestling.

-We don’t like ties. (Unlike the captain and the other members of 40 Bounces to Freedom)

-We make an exception to the tie fact when we play Relax and Let it Happen.

-Our 2nd Basewoman is better than yours. (Cindy)

Our other Short Stop doesn’t give a danm about any of you. (Louis)

-Our 1st baseman is sexier than yours. (Dre)

-Our Left Fielder is clumsy, but damn he’s good. (Jorge)

-We will pay anyone to slap the smile off our CF mouth. (Chris)

-Our Newbies are fucking a bunch of badasses… And I’m not playing. (Rebecca, AJ, and Corey)

….. And we’re coming for that Cup…. If you don’t like us, we still love you….
WalkofShame_1020


h1

WAKA Austin – Week 8

August 20, 2009

Great season Kickballers!! As we finish week 8 and look to the playoffs, we ask ourselves many questions:  Who will win it all? Will Relax get beat by fast, free-basing hippies? What kind of skirt will Andre be wearing Thursday night?

I’ll leave you with that.. Keep pondering and good luck in the playoffs everyone!!!

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Picture 6

IMG_0340

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He’s baaaaaaaack…

rock.jpg
Hello there kickballers…
It was a hell of a season and it looks like Relax walked away
with the regular season title…but wait, with a loss? Yes,
congratulations to Freebasers for defeating Relax for the first time
in club history (in Jay’s words “Dynasty history”). It was a great
game by both teams but with Freebasers limiting their errors on the
field and having a great game at the plate. It looked like the
Liver/Pitches game was going to be a close one until some screw came
loose in the Pitches fielding and Liver ran away with the victory.
No games thursday for us, but that does NOT mean we can’t drink.
So in honor of 99.7% of us dedicating our friday mornings to not
letting our bosses see our blood shot eyes I am promoting a Capital
flipcup/some form of drinking game tourney at the fields around 7:30
or so…Afterwards, a possible division trip to Jovitas sounds
good…I am pretty sure Scott misses all of us.
Finally, the playoffs…. If everyone could get out to the fields
around 10:30 am or so on saturday that would be fantastic. Just to
make sure we have everyone there and if possible, we start 5 minutes
early for once. We are doing double elimination with the last game
ending at 5pm. Liver will be out there at 9am tailgating, starting to
bbq for the afternoon, and trying to remember what happened the last 9
thursday nights. Come join us with your tents, bbq pits, coolers o`
beer and your favorite music while we mourn/celebrate the last week of
kickball.
Good luck this weekend to everyone, and hope to see you out there
thursday and saturday. I appreciate all of you playing and look
forward to seeing you next season. Take care guys.

Rock

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Just for entertainment, I’d like to reintroduce everyone to WAKA Austin’s Board of Directors. The decision-makers.  These are the folks that put together awesome seasons of kickball. They also sing kareoke when off the kickball clock. If interested in helping out with WAKA and brainstorming new events/ideas, shoot Cameron an email. Along with your favorite kareoke song, of course.. (Personally, I think it helps to have an iPhone when there’s no camera around and the ability to NOT carry any sort of tune. But that’s debatable.)

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/photo_search.php?oid=62333569622&view=all

IMG_0356

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Walk OF Shame
For those of you who missed the Walks resounding loss against LeBALLskis, it went a little something like this:

Yeah that pretty much describes our life last week. Terrible. They dominated us. That’s ok. Back to the drawing board for Shame. On the a brighter note, we did have one MVP. The ever scrutinized Chris Sobremonte. He got on base every time he kicked and scored. He prevented a shut out. Take solace in that. Bring it like that every week, and the girls will be whispering your name (Slob… Slob… Slob…). We will bounce back. Besides, wanted to see my ass and legs way more than I wanted to see his, so he had his team play out of their minds for one week only. Typical. What the hell was I thinking?? Effing skirt… Oh well.

Now it’s on to playoffs. We like to model ourselves after our kickball idols, Kids in Rehab. Last season, they had almost the exact same trouble we did. Had a murderous schedule. Bad regular season record. Then BOOM… killed it in the playoffs. That’s our new goal. Worst regular season in Walks history followed by the best playoffs in Shame history too. What better way to kick it off then play against our old playoff nemesis from last season, Weapons of Mass Consumption. Nice folks. But it was probably the most intense game ever. It went 8 innings. We haven’t forgotten. I know they haven’t forgotten about it. They’ve come long nicely since last season. They are still bottom dwellers, and this year we join them. Should make for a great teams with two teams having absolutely no expectations of greatness from anyone. We’ll see you folks out there on the field. No mercy!!!

no mercy

_______________________________________________________________

iKickballs

ikick2final

We thought having one of our pitchers dress up as Billy Ray Cyrus would throw off the offense but alas, the mullet just wasn’t enough. Kudos to Steven “the Foot” Crosley for scoring our only run of the game and Chris “Happy Feet” Neumann for kicking him in. Shout outs to Kai, Jeremy, Emily and the outfield for stellar defense.

Another tough loss, but another well played game. Lady Luck was definitely on Hannah Montana’s side.

ikick1final
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Relax and Let It Happen

We lost for the first time in a long time. We didn’t play well, but we don’t want to take anything away from The Freebasers’ efforts. They deserved to win. It’s good for a powerhouse to get caught slipping every now and then, because it reignites the fire. We will never take winning for granted again, and we can’t wait to play The Freebasers in what will probably be the Championship on Saturday.

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Liver Let Die Picture

Great game Pitches.

Alright, let’s go straight to the shout outs.  First off, Nasty Nate returns after a 3 week hiatus with some new scars to show off and grabs MVP of the game.  He was solid at short stop and had a home run and a triple.  Bryan made a most impressive grab at 1st base to get the out while also logging two RBI’s.  James returned after a small hiatus to drive in 2 runs and pitch a 1-2-3 shutout inning.  PQ confidently took over the 4th spot in the lineup and pulled in an RBI.  John was on base 3 for 3 and Jake had 2 singles!  Phrog grabs defensive player of the game shutting down the bunts from Pitches.  No ball got in the air he didn’t pull down for the out.  As for the ladies….well, they rocked, as usual.
We are finally starting to gel and what better time.  We could just be a real force to be reckoned with come this Saturday’s playoffs.  With just the right amount of Bloody Mary’s, confidence, courage, beer, shots, beer, courage, and shots we could shock the system and win it ALL!!!

1-2-3 LIVER!!!

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Big LeBALLski’s

The LeBALLSki’s learned a lot of good things last week.  The main one being that Dre’s trash talk literally means nothing.  The next being that we are awesome, and the last being that we had a great time playing WoS and we love you, Dre.  Sorry if the bleeding hasn’t stopped yet though…

The girls were amazing.  Getting on base, great base running, excellent field presence… we really couldn’t have asked for more.  Chase’s first inning bomb with one on set the pace for the game and we rolled our way to a 7-1 Victory.

We would be COMPLETELY remiss if I did not mention Bruce’s 5th inning swan dive to catch a ball in the outfield.  He laid out as much, if not more, than humanly possible.  That gave us the defensive “can do” to finish out the game.  So great.

So it looks like we finished 3rd for the season.  Not sure how to feel about that, but I’m pretty sure this guy on the right does:

thirdplace

Can’t wait to see all you guys in the playoffs.  And be ready, because “[we’re] throwin rocks tonight!!”

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Teabagger’s

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The Teabagger’s would like to thank everyone at WAKA for a great season, far better than the competing kickball organizations in Austin, who shall remain nameless.  While we weren’t able to teabag everyone we would have liked this season, we were able to teabag several quality teams.  I would like to take special note of Walk of Shame, who have gratuitously stolen their logo picture from the alma mater of several of the Teabagger’s and greatest university on earth: The Ohio State University.

Being connoisseurs of the finest arts, we refuse to go on and on about the droll details of this week’s game.  We refuse to mention that the opposing team contains at least one former Division I athlete and certainly we refuse to discuss the Fireballer’s PREVIOUSLY undefeated flip cup status.  No, instead, we chose to express ourselves through the majesty of cultivated photography, which more fully captures the essence of the entire night.

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Baby Jesus

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Short and sweet this week..

Good luck to all the teams tonight!!

See ya’ll on the field!!!

6:45 pm

Field 2:  Hanna Montana v. XXX Men
Field 3:  Walk of Shame v. Weapons of Mass Consumption
Field 4:  Bobcats, Pumas and Dawgs v. Stunder

7:30 pm

Field 2:  Baby Jesus v. Sexy Pitches
Field 3:  Booze on 1st v. iKickballs

8:15 pm

Field 2:  Toe Blasters v. Smirkin Merkins
Field 3:  Been There Balled That v. Ace of 2nd Base

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WAKA Austin – Week 7

August 13, 2009

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Great week of games everyone! We had lot’s of exciting matchups, flip-cup in the park, dance parties and a weekend tournament for the books. Read on for a special edition of “Game of the Year” and hear a clip of Bobby Bones and his crew discussing losing to our own WAKA players this weekend!

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Well congrats kickball peeps.  This Thursday will be the last Thursday of the regular season.  I know what you’re thinking… Please, Ninja, don’t let kickball be over.  Don’t you guys worry.  We got playoff’s coming up and because we like ALL of you so much.  You will all be included.  Look forward to a schedule for that.  But I’d plan on some of you playing next Thursday and then the rest playing Saturday the 22nd.  A little birdie told me that.  I was on drugs.  It was awesome.

So just in case you’ve been coasting through this season and not paying attention to anyone or anything, as many of us are so inclined to do, I thought I would give you some lessons you should have learned from this wonderful thing we call WAKA kickball:

1. When in doubt, pack more brew.  I mean, I know that we got an attractive group of kickballers, but it never hurts to add an extra lens to those beer goggles you got workin.

2. The Ref’s are your friends.  I don’t even feel bad admitting that I leaned one way on a call because someone liked my write up last week.  Hey, be nice to us and we will be nice to you.  Unless you are an official Waka rep, in which case, I am always unbiased and perfect.  For real though, it helps to be cool with us.  We love you guys.

3. Write something for the Gmot.  I mean, pressure other teams to do it, because I’m assuming if you read this that you do your part.  It’s a great way to talk trash, keep in touch, waste time at work, and all other things.  Also, go find that girl that plays for “Booze on first.”  Dark Brown Hair, or is it black… Anywho, that is Lacy, she does the Gmot and she should get an award for that trash.

4. Pegging:  Not always the best option.  You know the big plays happen on overthrows and missed pegs right?  Always way your options and remember that the pitchers mound is your friend.

I know I got some more wisdom in there for you but you’ll have to find me on the fields this week and I’ll give it to you then (TWSS).  Here’s looking to a good week with some good games. Oh, and come root on Big Leballski’s at 8:15 and make Dre wear a skirt next week.  You’re not going to want to miss that.

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Have You Seen Me???

help. please...

help. please...

I used to turn in writeups (way freaking late) as the President of Capital.  Answers to the name “grandma with a douchebag hat.” (see Bobby Bones radio show segment below) Have I gone off the deep end??? Have I turned to the dark side?? Yelling obscenities on the sidelines (like Jay Russell) and snorting what I’m hoping is drugs??

We, the fans of the GMOT miss your enlightening (not even) writeups containing what some may think to be far more I’s, Me’s, and My’s than what is kosher.. Come back from your writer’s block!

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Bobby Bones Tourney CHAMPS!

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Once again, the brave and valiant warriors of WAKA came together from their scattered teams and stepped outside our happy family to spread the gospel of kickball to the unwashed masses.  After a harrowing loss in the finals of the winners bracket, we responded and won three straight, the last two over the arch nemesis that is Bobby Bones and captured the tournament.  Props are in order to the players.

Aimie: Kicking cleanup all day, driving in runs with an upset stomach.  Let’s not forget sliding into second and injuring yourself (the Clay Logue play) when we were up 10 runs.
Kari: Stellar defense right up the middle, kept turning over the offense AND lodged two homeruns.  She’s kind of a big deal.
Anne: Recorded the final out of the tournament, scored a boatload of runs.  Also kept her streak of getting hit in the face alive, well done.
Allie: Leadoff kicker extraordinare.  I think you batted about .950.  My bad getting you doubled off.
David: Making his tourney debut, caught everything in a three-zipcode radius.  More importantly, kept Jay and Joey MARGINALLY in check.  Huge accomplishment.
Grant: The other rookie on the squad, 2nd best walk up music.  Would have had another rbi but I have no ups.
Jonah: Consumate pro.  Lefty power, great on defense, running, drinking.
Josh: Flashing the wheels on defense and defense, coaching everyone up on the base paths.
Justin: 317 putouts in center field.  Bobby Bones’ team was calling you the MVP before the game was even over.
Jay: Yeah you filled in at pitching and kicked well and made some laser throws from 3rd base to get outs that we had no business getting.  What have you done for me lately?
Joey: Brought the big leg, the hands, the Cabo Wabo.  Most impressively, nailed Lunchbox Dan when he took the big turn from 3rd.  Priceless look on his face.

Honorable mention to Ryan who didn’t even play but still managed to get bashed and called out on a syndicated radio show.  That’s impressive.

Final score in seven games:  WAKA 51, everyone else 16.

Thanks to everyone who came out and supported us and everyone who played.  It was a blast and I’m looking forward to the next tourney so we can share kickball with others.

For your entertainment, Bobby Bones gives a shout out to WAKA Kickballers… kinda: (Scroll down to”Kickball” podcast)

http://www.967kissfm.com/cc-common/podcast/single_podcast.html?podcast=BobbyBonesShow.xml

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CHARITY

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Hey kids,

First, I would like to thank Sloane from the Teabaggers for selling jello shots while I was on vacation a couple of weeks ago.  Everyone said she did a great job!  Second,  We have broken $1000, YAY!  Jello shot sales have raised over $1000 for the Town Lake Animal Shelter.  I am so excited that we are going to be able to give them so much at the end of the season.  Third, so many of our teams have been stepping up and purchasing jello shots… but the big spenders are still Weapons of Mass Consumption and the Smirkin Merkins, so congrats to both of those teams for consistently getting wasted.  Just in case you are wondering it is perfectly ok to have more than 10 jello shots.  I personally had more than 15 two weeks ago and everything turned out ok.

I try to make it to all of the games to sell jello shots but the last couple weeks I have been finding myself stuck under the tree.  So if I don’t make it over to your game, come find me under the tree.  I’m the brunette with the awesome Jello Shot backpack and black and white striped socks!

See ya at the fields,
Alaina
Jello Shot Bartender

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FlipCupImage7

Hello Flip-cuppers,

The transition from Jovitas to the fields went fairly well this week. I’ve received a ton of positive feedback and everyone seemed to be really excited about playing on the fields. I even had a larger turnout this week because some of the teams that don’t normally play at the bar showed up in full force. Look for me again after your games this week!

Referee pick of the week: Sexy Pitches vs Weapons of Mass Consumption. Daniel and Jason brought two well matched teams to the table. The game was all tied up and both teams decided to do a full-cup anchor match to decide the game. WOMC was ahead when Jason started chugging his cup of beer, but then out of nowhere Mila the birthday girl slammed down her beer and flipped the Sexy Pitches to victory! I haven’t seen a girl chug like that since Ashley won the chug-off for YLLINAD last season! You go girl!!

Regular reminders for this week: Please make sure to bring enough beer to your games to play flip cup with after, or make sure and run to the corner store to get some more after your game is over. I’m not really keeping by the schedule exactly. Whenever both teams get teams together with enough beer, then we’ll start ya! See you all on Thursday!

Keep the beer flowin’ and the cups flippin’…

~ Jen

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On the field…

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And now, the highly anticipated…

Game of the Year


Game of the week never made an appearance this season, so we’ll make up for the previous seven weeks with a game of the YEAR column.  You’ve heard the rumors building up to this one.  An innocent prank involving one player shaving another player’s back degenerated into acts of revenge, culminating with one team kidnapping the other team’s pet goats.  Now it will finally be settled on the kickball field.  Winner gets bragging rights, fame and groupies with questionable morals.  Loser gets humiliated, mocked and booed off the field.  And did I mention the losing Captain will be wearing a skirt?

With that in mind, I asked each Captain some questions leading up to the contest.  Here are their answers.  Read thoroughly and place your bets accordingly.

On the bet itself: What possessed you to bet on “the loser wears a skirt” as opposed to a more traditional bet like “the loser washes and waxes the winner’s car while wearing a bikini and high heels?”

Grant McClendon:
“I think the skirt bet was more appropriate for this bet because of the possible reactions that it will ensue.  Anyone can wear bikinis and heels.  And Andre does just that on a regular basis.  I wanted to give him something new to do.  Also… I’ve noticed some lovely ladies around the league and wanted to give them a treat.  That treat will be some nice, chocolate man thighs sticking out for all of creation to see.  You’re welcome, ladies.”

Andre Rodgers: “I’m a gambler. I’m halfway to being the next Charles Barkley. I needed help in making these games more interesting. What better way than to risk a man’s dignity? We are both grown men playing kickball, so I figure we didn’t have too much of it left to lose anyway. And truth be told, you don’t want to see my tummy hanging out of a bikini.  I saved the league a lot of vomit. You’re welcome by the way.”

On last week’s results versus season result:  “What is more important, overall record, which favors (Big LeBALLskis) or the momentum from last week, which favors (Walk of Shame)?”

GM: “You know, I would say that our overall record is more important.  We lost to the team that won the Texas Cup.  I think we have played well against them in the past and I really wanted to challenge my team and see what they have.  Now that we know we have the goods to put up a season, we can work on the things we didn’t do well last week and come with a team that is sure to WIN this week.”

AR: “Momentum. Duh. They lost to Relax, and it wasn’t close. They may be questioning themselves. I know exactly what they are going through and it’s hard to get out of that rut. If they don’t, Grant is going to be dressed like a whore.”

On last week’s game:  Grant’s question:  ”Last week you suffered some injuries and had to bribe players from other teams with promises of child pornography (LaceFace) and a Russian mail-order bride (A. Steiny.)  Will you have a full team tonight and what will you use to motivate your players?”

GM: “We’re coming with a full team to rock your face off this week.  My guys and gals are hungry.  I have starved them for weeks in anticipation of this game.  I have put a Zoolander-esque trance upon them that says destroy balls thrown by large black men.  While I know this is a good e-thought at all times, they will be more hungry and more ready for blood than ever.  Literally.  I want at least one of my guys to bite them.”

Andre’s question:  “Last week you finally showed some of that Walk of Shame circa Winter 2009 with a late rally to win the game.  What’s been different this season and why have you sucked up to this point?”

AR: “We haven’t just sucked this year, we’ve sucked ass. But that’s ok. I think we were trying too hard to make everything go right. We weren’t playing as loose as we normally do, and it showed. After we lost to Baby Jesus, we went and threw a Thug Night party. We jumped a guy. And we felt way better. We then went out and beat Dunder. We’re coming back around.”

On their common opponent:  “You guys played Relax much closer than they did.  But they beat Sit on my Base.  Can you talk about how much better your team fared against Relax and ignore the results from the Sit on my Base game?”

AR: “I was hoping you would ask that question. There is something to be said for pushing the best in the league, possibly the nation, to a 1-1 tie after 5 innings. And Relax was lucky to have a tie after those 5 innings. And they know it. We won’t talk about the unfair tiebreaker. Grant’s team wasn’t even close to scoring against Relax. I’m not even sure if they ever left the field last Thursday. They may be out there right now still dancing.”

On Walk of Shame’s biggest weakness:  “Walk of Shame has a history of choking in crucial spots.  Do you have a specific strategy in mind to play to that weakness in their game?”

GM: “Funny you should mention WoS and choking.  Not really sure what it has to do with this. But I’m sure they do that.  A lot.  I’d say that when they start choking we will pounce on them like Richard Simmons on a young helpless male.  Except we won’t fondle them, we will just kick lots of runs.”

Any last words to the other team?

GM: “Maroon is the color of bloody poop.”

AR: “Their pitcher is their best player, hands down. It’s true. She can do it all. Run, jump, pitch, kick, and possibly model. She’s that talented. But it takes having players like Kris, Louis, Slob, Mizzy, Cindy, Drea, Jorge, and Karen to make some real noise in this league.”

There you have it folks.  No love lost between these two.  Will the LeBALLskis rebound and enter the playoffs on a high note?  Or will Walk of Shame really spring the upset this time and spare us all the sight of Dre in an XXXL miniskirt?  Be sure to come early and stay late Thursday to find out.

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BalledThat

Ok so Limo riding and Whis-quila shots took over our kickball prowess but we recovered in time for a Flip Cup shutout over the 40 Bounces to Freedom!   BTW: Where was everybody?? ….not at Jovita’s for post game!

Limo

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Freebasers

freebasing cookie monster

Another weak-fiended turnout for the Freebasers last week, although with a much more potent outcome. A whopping six baseheads showed up for the game, but thanks to a lenient opponent and a generous motley crew of substitute addicts, we fielded a full team worth playing with. Thanks to everyone who stepped up and helped a wobbly-kneed team of fiends in need of a fix. We couldn’t have done it without y’all. And thanks to Liver Let Die for letting us pick up the extra corner boys.

Playing Liver is always a pleasure. Good friendly competition and trash talking. This week’s game epitomized the difference between Live and Capital rules. It was a defensive stalmate all the way, but we were high enough to snort up a few runs to support some solid pitching and clutch fielding from all. Good stuff all around.

The game’s the game. Win or get got.

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iKickballs

09(2)

Another close game against a very respectable 0-6 team, you guys are much better than the record shows. Sporting a lackluster ugly shirt turnout, iKickballs got down in the first inning. The xxxmen had a speedy and solid hitting top of the order that got them off to a 1-0 start along with Adam’s best interpretation of Bill Buckner in the 1986 World Series (Look it up if you aren’t a Mets fan, or weren’t alive then). The dust bowl that existed between 2nd and 3rd base didn’t help matters much.

But our team has become known for great defense and comebacks. In what was the 3rd inning, i believe, we mounted our comeback and Adam made amends. Kris got a hit and eventually moved over to 3rd, with help from Brandon and Carly, where Adam drove him in. Adam later scored on a kick from Rachel or Drake, not sure. These are the facts I have, so if I’m wrong, be sure to berate me at the next game, and I’ll buy you a beer…the dust may have seeped into my brain. We had some other decent scoring opportunities, but weren’t able to finish.

We had awesome displays of speed and acrobatics from Chris our 40 drinking CF, great catches from Jeremy, our 40 drinking 3B. Some dynamic combo plays from sister Emily and little-big brother Kai that only siblings could have. Carly did a great job as volunteer catcher, confirmed by T.J., who did not yell at her.

We shut down the last inning with some more solid pitching by T.J.’s hair, an amazing catch by Emily, who claimed it hurt her boobs, another spectacular grab from Jeremy and a final catch by Kai, who prophesied his catch before they even kicked it.

Another tough flip cup loss that came down to the final. The better we get at kickball, the worse we are doing at flip cup. Can the two not co-exist? Come back next week to find out.

Special thanks to Kai and Emily’s Dad, who unknowingly provided most of the ugly shirts.

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Baby Jesus

Buddy Jesus

Those who don’t change are doomed to become extinct.  We’ve taken that to heart with Baby Jesus.  This season, we’ve spent our time playing four fantastic innings and one awful one.  Last week, we decided to turn that on its head and play four sub-par innings with one really awesome one.  It’s all about evolution, er, creationism.

We only did it with ten players too.  Jen was kidnapped in Costa Rica, Sean was suffering from sugar withdrawal, Mike was deported to Canada and Colin was trapped in the closet.  We held on the defense for three innings, but in the bottom of the 4th the Dawgs broke through with great kicking and artful dodging on the basepaths.  Things looked grim.

Miya, waiting for a neck transplant, started with a single.  Glen hadn’t played in two weeks and has some anger issues anyway and he kicked the ball to Barton Springs.  Chris got on and with two outs, Kia brought home two runs.  Clutch.  Then we gave back one run and had the bases loaded with one out, but turned two to end it.

So this is what a winning streak feels like…

Hallelujah Amen.

baby jesus

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Fireball

fireballs

We whooped em so bad they didn’t even want to play us in flip cup…. 11-2😉
Nuff said!

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Liver Let Die Picture

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Liver virginless

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Relax and Let it Happen

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By beating two teams that never really gave us any competition, we have officially won our 4th consecutive regular season championship. It feels great to be a member of one of the greatest dynasties in recreational sports history. Our dynasty is like the Zhou Dynasty of China and the Roman Empire, because we execute bitches and we build roads to victory.

Those games weren’t as intense as what happened after our 2nd victory of the night, where we celebrated like real champions would…with a dance-off. Some say it was fueled by emotion. Some say it was fueled by beer. And then some people say it was fueled by the kickball gods, who get off by watching us play. Whatever it was fueled by, it was magical, and for those watching it, orgasmic. We shook and gyrated our hot, sweaty, and athletic bodies to the beat like our lives depended on it. We formed a circle, and we all took turns dancing in the middle. Shout out to Jennifer who took it up a notch with her Kerri Strug-like cartwheel in the middle of the dance circle. Not too many people can fall as graceful as her. And not too many people can pop, lock, and drop it like Nicole. She can run fast, but she can shake it faster. During the celebration, Whitney and Katie let loose their inner love for ladies, and couldn’t help but dance with each other and with Nicole. Shannon, whose boyfriend was present, kept it as clean as possible when she shook it on the dance…grass, and tried not to laugh at the aforementioned boyfriend’s moves.

We play The Freebasers this week, one of our arch-nemesis. It’ll be fun to play a team who has the ability to challenge us.

So, for all of you who hate us, love us, or are somewhere in between, you should just get to know us off of the field, and then relax and let it happen.

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XXX Men

XXX-Men are still in the basement in the TxLive Kickball Standings, but we had our best showing Week 7 against iKickballs, losing only 1-2.  The following players made an appearance: (top row L-R) WhorePath, Archanal, Girl Rider, Crotch Storm, SliceMan, (middle L-R) Creamy Cat, Moneyshot, Weapon Sex, (bottom L-R) Shadowclit, Sabrecooch, Lady Breastrike.

XXX-Men Week 7

Highlights of Kickball Game:


Great catches:
Bi-Curious Clops with two pop ups to right field, Lady Breastrike at supershort catching with her neck, and SliceMan catching a line drive inches off the ground
Base kicks: Archanal (scored only run), Shadowclit, Moneyshot, SliceMan, WhorePath
Defensive plays: Lady Breastrike hooked up with Creamy Cat for a crucial stop at third, Sabrecooch pegs runner on the way to second and later goads the same runner when a fellow teammate was running home, “Hey, aren’t you gonna try to run to third,” where SliceMan pegged her out. (Sabrecooch feels just a little bit bad about that one, but only a little…)

However, all that wasn’t enough for the win as iKickballs prevailed with a solid kicking game, but this grouping of Apple employees (no, seriously) wouldn’t expect any less from a team with such a name.  It was one hell of a game, and we were looking forward to the best part of the night…

XXX-men park

This was probably the most exciting game to date as it was on new turf and it was a back and forth battle that came down to the final round.  XXX-Men claimed victory on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th rounds, surviving the scares of rounds 2 and 4.  Best inter-team interaction of the night:

Beginning of second round:
Lady Breastrike: We need to have the same amount of beer in our cups.
iKickballs Lead-Off: Does it matter? I’ve got like 80 pounds on you.
*pause*
Lady Breastrike: (quietly) I can still beat you.
Both teams: OHHHHH SNAP! OHHHH SHIT! OH NO SHE DIDN’T!

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Lady Breastrike did in fact beat him in the chugging, but drank the beer with a little too much enthusiasm, which led to it going all over her face and up the nose.  Ouch.  However, three rounds later, victory would be ours.  Week 7 Team: Archanal, Lady Breastrike, Weapon Sex, Creamy Cat, and Shadowclit.

We’ve got one kickball game left to save ourselves from total shame.  Smerkin’ Merkins, you’re our final notch on the season bedpost.  LET’S GET IT ON!

Love, the XXX-Men

P.S. Jen, Mistress of Flip Cup, agreed to an exhibition rematch of Baby Jesus vs. XXX-Men in Week 8.  You don’t wanna miss this…

Flip Cup Team w Jen

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40 Bounces to Freedom

40 bounces

Birthdays, whiskila, and scratch-offs, OH MY! In the words of Brittany, the girl who STILL has a bday hangover, “This week was one for the books, y’all!” 40 Bounces enjoyed playing Wendell and the BTBT crew and REALLY enjoyed the post-game shots. Thanks for a great game! We can always count on the BTBT’s to play hard and party harder. We’re looking forward to having our full team back this week as we go up against Kickopotomus and go for yet another W. See you at the fields!

Who’s house? BOUNCE HOUSE!

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Walk OF Shame

Finally!!!!! It only took 4 weeks but the Walks did it. We won. We’re back! Everyone needs a slump buster sometime. We would like to officially thank Dunder for coming through and helping the cause. Defense was stout and finally morale was high. We had some added help from our arch-rivals in capital, Relax. Joey killed it out there with some good kicking. The offensive boost was just what we needed. We may suck ass, but we are definitely working on it!

Our new leadoff (wo)man, Mizzy, completely showed our old leadoff man what it meant to get on base when kicking first in the lineup. It may be her new place in the kicking lineup for the rest of the year. Oh, and she scored!! Hell yes. As a matter of fact, she’s this week’s MVP. Our old leadoff man scored too, but that was only after he was replaced in the lineup. If you think you can act right for the rest of the year, let me know, and you can have your job back. In the meantime, you’ve gotten your cookies taken from you by a girl. A girl! Nonetheless, you folks played AMAZING. I loved the pitching by committee. We used 4 different pitchers before finally letting Drea close out the show. Total team effort. I am really looking forward to how we fare in the playoffs. I’m ready to sneak up on some teams… Keep working on it team!!!

Last thing, for the past few weeks, some of you may have noticed the a member of LeBallski’s talking about how I’m going to wear a skirt, because they’re going to beat us. He’s said this at least 3 times this season on the GMOT. Now I’m prone to talking a little shit, but I’ve left him alone til now. If you aren’t familiar with some of the things he’s been saying, he basically reminds the Walks of this kid…

We aren’t gonna lose. We’re gonna win. Grant, you’ve messed up son. Get ready to wear that skirt and change your name to Bridget come playoffs. I’m out for blood. Hope your team can come through for you. You’re about to feel what it’s like to look slutty.

Grantina

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Where My Pitches At?

Last week the “Pitches” faced off against Relax and Let it Happen, for round
2. This time we pulled off a run, and game ended at 5-1. I’d say that’s a
step up from 10-0 from the last beat down. Jay, and his usual charming self,
was a delight to compete against in Roshambo. Perfect manners, such a little
gentleman.

alfalfa

Kristin and Nathan provided the team with a delicious sangria, which was
also enjoyed by only the elite non-‘Pitches’ WAKA players.

After the game, E-money and myself found ourselves on a make-shift motley
crew for flip cup (a few smirkin’ merkins, big leballski’s, and been there
balled thats). Did that matter? No, we still beat Relax’s ass, handily. We’d
like to thank PBR, nectar of the gods.

ineptune

Watch out this week as we bring the thunder from down under (sorry Pres
Logue, not your favorite dancers of La Bare)…to the game against Liver Let
Die. There will be so much flair, beer, kick-ass, sarcasm, spider monkeys,
hate, angina, the beginning stages of liver failure,Charlemagne (pre-magna
carta fame), a ‘bi-curious’ hobo, strom thurmond, and kickball chi* that no
one will know what hit them. Basically, Hurricane Pitches is expected to hit
the field at 645 pm, so watch the fuck out!

charlemagne

strom

angry-hobo

pro-euthanasia since 1942
your friendly ‘Pitches’

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Sit On My Base

Ephraim

Ephraim’s Take
by Ephraim Johnson, life-observer

Fresh air.  A round of kickball.  Winning, as Sit On My Base did again last week.  But why?  You’ll never be this young again, and lord knows, you’ll never FEEL this young again…I’m living proof of that…so why haven’t you taken up a meaningful pursuit, like say, watching more television?

Why, back in my day, we used to believe in self-reliance.  But all you whippersnappers want to do is make new friends.  Get back in the house for a change!  Why spend all your time in the company of others?  They’ll only die on you.  But the warm glow of the television…now that’s forever.

Young people today lack the discipline and stick-to-it-ivness required to watch all eleven seasons of Cheers in a single sitting.  Sure, you want to swim in your organic spring-fed pools and bask in the sun, but goddammit, when are you gonna pull your head out of your ass and really give Melrose Place the respect it deserves?

I suppose you have it all figured out.  Don’t have much time for an old s.o.b. like me.  But I’m telling you, one of these you’re going to wake up and realize that all the best sitcoms are off the air and won’t go to DVD until after you’re dead.  Oh, and you can forget about syndication.

Ephraim Johnson is a lecturer and columnist.  He lives in Houston, Texas.

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Big LeBALLski’s

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The playoff bracket will be posted Friday the 14th. Good luck!!

Week 8 Schedule – August 13th

6:45
Field 1: Toe Blasters v. Been There Balled That
Field 2: Liver Let Die v. Where’s my Pitches at?
Field 3: Baby Jesus v. Sexy Pitches
Field 4: Smirkin Merkins v. XXX Men

7:30
Field 1: 40 Ounces to Victory! v. Steven Seagal’s Dunder Siege
Field 2: Hannah Montanta’s Sax Tape v. iKickballs
Field 3: Relax and Let it Happen v. Freebasers
Field 4: Red Rockets v. Sit on my Base

8:15
Field 1: Tyrannical Teabaggers v. Fireballs
Field 2: Big LeBALLskis v. Walk of Shame
Field 3: Technicality v. Freebasers
Field 4: 40 Bounces to Freedom v. Kickopotamus X

9:00
Field 1: Booze on 1st v. Bobcats, Pumas and Dawgs
Field 2: Ace of 2nd Base v. Weapons of Mass Consumption

_______________________________________________________________________

See everyone on the fields…

“Tootles!”

dre for gmot